Mothering.......

Mothering, the most rewarding, and most wonderful thing I have ever been privileged to do......however it's the hardest and the most frustrating. I have been trying very hard, with the help of alot of prayer and contemplation, to try another tack with my parenting style. Unfortunately I raise my voice too much........and I hate it. I hate the sound of my own voice, I hate the anger that wells up inside of me. That's no good for the kids and no good for me either. I feel ashamed afterwards, and often apologize to the kids if I have really gone ballistic. So, all this week, I have tried really hard, not to raise my voice at all. It's amazing how well it has worked. I don't feel sick in the stomach, and the kids are responding better than when I yell at them. I don't want my kids to think I hate them, or disrespect them, nothing could be further from the truth, but sometimes these little people are easy targets and it's too easy to fall into that trap of frustration...........and anger. Motherhood is such a blessing, and it's something I never take for granted. Nor, for one moment do I consider that I am the best mother in the world. I am trying every single day to be the best person I can possibly be. I am aware of my shortcomings, and I am trying to make myself someone my family (and God) would be proud of. I had to write that down, I had to write down the freedom and happiness I am feeling with this new direction my parenting technique is taking. Prayers are definitely answered, and my prayers asking for guidance and strength have been answered loud and clear. I feel much stronger, and calmer for this change.

It's Quiet

I am coping well with the fact that I don't have set work days. Mind you I am actually missing it. If I work one day a week I will be happy, more than that would be a bonus. It's week three and I have only worked two days so far. Sammy wasn't well today, so it was good I didn't have to go to work.

I have been spending the time, making my blog more interesting, editing photos, collecting layout ideas for the upcoming retreat and talking to my friends in messenger.

I went to the Home Show on the weekend with Mum. The show was woeful. We ended up going shopping and spent a great afternoon together, bad home show notwithstanding. We always have great fun together, it doesn't happen enough of late though. Life is rather hectic at times. I guess that's one advantage of not having to work so much, gives me time to really enjoy the things I love to do. I have been appreciating my leisure time so much more. I find I am not so lazy, which is always a good thing. I am motivated to do things which I want to do, instead of procrastinating and then getting nothing done.

Will be interesting to see what the weeks ahead bring.

Term 4

It's term 4 and I have no set days to work this term. I am a little excited but very scared about that state of affairs. I am down to do supply work at my school, and decided that I wouldn't do anything else. TRACER rang me this morning to confirm my details, and I have said I am available every day!!!!! My heart was racing,I felt ill...........for about five minutes after the call, I felt dreadful. How am I going to feel when they actually ring me??? I have a strategy - ring Bunny!!!! I am so lucky that he is so supportive of me working and so helpful at home. I couldn't do this without his help and his being able to come home at the drop of a hat.

Mum and Dad are closeby and always ready to take Mickey, so that's a huge help and a big weight off my mind too.

I wish I didn't react so physiologically to big changes in my life!!!

My Knife Block

I know, you are going to think I have totally lost it.......... Why oh why do I want to write about a knife block??? I love my knife block. It's awesome. My sister in law manages a knife shop and I was lucky enough to get this set at a good discount. It has everything, bread knife, chef's knife, smaller utility knives, and I use the scissors alot too. It even comes with a really good heavy duty steel. I have wanted one of these blocks for years........ They hold their sharpness too, I haven't used the steel on them yet, and I have had them since the Father's Day weekend......

Good friends, good times, good fun.

Every single day I remind myself to count my blessings. I am amazed and humbled by the number of blessings that I have.

I have a group of amazing women, who I am so proud to know. And what's even better, is that they are my dearest friends.

One of them I visited during the week. I spent all Wednesday with her. We chatted, and fiddled around with her poor, dying computer. We just sat and talked, while the kids played.........the hours went by in great company. A lovely way to spend a day. On the day before I had the opportunity to do a class run by Sue. She is a wonderful girl who works at Daisy's and does the most amazing work. It's pretty special being considered a friend, and sitting in on one of her classes. She is truly talented and such a sweet girl as well............I have so much to learn from her.

Last night, I looked after the store for Barbi. She spent the afternoon and evening with her family as it was Holly's 13th birthday. She had a great afternoon, and I was waiting at the shop at 11.30 pm with a cuppa to hear all about her day. We chatted until 1.30am..............the time just flew. I turned my nightlight out at 2.30a.m!!!!! I have attached a photo above to show where I spend every Friday night. This is taken at Daisy Chain Scrapbooks, the best scrapbooking shop in the country!

Today Kerrie came around to drink a pot of coffee and pick my brains about all the things I love doing on the computer. Kerrie left with a sheet of notes, and a newly created blog. She left me with a real comfortable sense of feeling totally relaxed, you know that really warm fuzzy feeling you get from spending time with someone wonderful. She is my mentor. She is what I will be in about 8 years time. Her kids are older than mine and she runs her family like I run mine...........I love her to bits! She is proud, confident, organized, clever, articulate and has a heart of absolute pure gold! When we met, we hit it off straight away, and we only saw one another every month, or so, sometimes a couple of months went by. We never had contact details or anything, as we knew we would catch up at scrapbooking. Then when I was banned from attending CM workshops, Kerrie continued to attend, until she found out I had been banned!! Fortunately I knew a mutual acquaintance who was able to put us in touch with one another! Thank goodness, as now she no longer patronizes anything to do with CM and she regularly comes with me on a Friday night!!!!

Thank you to my precious girlfriends................

Pelican Waters Tavern

We had lunch here one day. Didn't look this impressive as it was day time, but I thought I would add the photo anyway.

Highlights

I was not impressed, last night I wrote a long post all about my holidays, and they have disappeared................... I even went searching for a new blog hosting website, because I thought this just wasn't good enough. But I couldn't find another one that I liked the set up of. So I am here again. In the future I will save my post onto a Word document, so if it disappears, I can reload it without retyping it.

We went away last week, and it was fabulous. We stayed in a holiday unit in Caloundra, right on the water. The highlights of the week were many, so I will write in dot point format.
* Money wasn't tight, so we ate out lots..............including Fish and chips, KFC, Chinese restaurant, Pizza from a restaurant, lunch at Pelican Waters Tavern, and a yummy dinner at an Italian Restaurant. It was great being able to take the kids out to a restaurant, and I was so proud of how they behaved..........
* Boat cruise from our jetty to Pelican Waters Tavern for lunch
* Unit had a huge bath
* Unit had a private jetty, so the kids and Bunny fished every afternoon
* We had our surf ski and paddled around Golden Beach, had a ball.
* I read lots of books, three I think
* Took my scrapbooking stuff, and did none.........

I am going out to lunch now............will come back later and continue this post.

OOoppps, apologies to blogger...........

Here's my post that I thought had been lost..........my mistake, I hit 'save as draft' instead of 'publish'...............sorry blogger!



I know I don't post enough. If I took all my emails and connected them all, I would have an awesome post every day.

It's week two of the school holidays and I can't get over how quickly they are going............We went away last week, which was just fabulous... Highlights of the holidays to date are
* arrive in unit in Caloundra
* unit has private jetty, so kids and Bunny can fish everyday
* money isn't tight, so we have done things like, eat out..........
* Chinese meal with Oma and Opa
* Boat cruise with lunch at Pelican Waters Hotel
* Fish and chips twice
* Pizza from an Italian restaurant
* KFC
* Italian meal at a restuarant...........absolutely delicious.

Other highlights
* We could walk everywhere
* Bunny picked up 'boat' and we could use it at Golden Beach
* Unit's pool was heated
* Spa bathtub was ginormous.......

Highlights since we have been home
* lovely to relax and not rush anywhere
* took kidlets to cinema to see 'Monster House' It was Mickey's first time......he loved it.
* Went scrapbooking for the whole day, I did two of Sue's classes.
* Spent a day with a dear girlfriend
* Lunch out with my husband.

And the best thing is, that there's still time left..........

Where I am at.

My weight is at a stage where I need to do something about it again. We are on holidays at the moment, so it will give me time to get my head in the right place again, and still enjoy the holiday and the treats that it will include. I have been doing some thinking of late. Trying to figure out what my next weight loss strategy was going to be.

I have undone all the good work from the start of the year. Working full time and then continuiog with work, even with a less busy schedule I have eaten a little differently to how I would normally. More money in the house has made less stress, and I have felt much happier within myself. I am one of those people who eats when they are happy, I know that's different to alot of people, who eat when they are miserable..... I feel sick when I am down, so can't eat at all. Probably explains why I am the size I am..........I am VERY HAPPY.

I have been analyzing where my eating has been un-weight watcher friendly. I thought if I wrote them down, acknowledged them and thought of plans to stop that from happening, I would be on the way to losing weight again.

* buying take away where I ever bought it before, because there is more money in my purse.
* eating when I am not hungry
* eating in the evening with my cup of tea
* indulging in morning teas whenever they have been held at work
* baking for my family
* not drinking enough water
* not eating as much fruit

I really liked the No Count way of eating. I found this easy, as I didn't have to count every single morsel that enters my mouth. I think it suits the type of foods that I like to eat too. I have never been comfortable with the fact that rice, pasta, legumes and fruits were counted, and therefore restricted. Being able to eat until comfortably full is also good, not being restricted to the amount that I can eat.

Strategies for the above.....
* If I buy take away, buy healthy options, for example Subway, or a sandwich.
* NEVER eating just because it's time to eat. If I am not hungry...........I won't eat!
* Only eating yoghurt of fruit with my cup of tea at night.
* Not eating anything at morning teas, which will be easier next term as I am not working as much as I have been and if I am included, I will bring a healthy option so I can have something healthy.
* Not baking
* I will drink more water, which is easier now as it's warming up.
* Continue to eat fruit, but eat more for snacks. I have been eating about three pieces a day, and will increase it especially as the summer approaches.


Having written this all down, helps put everything into perspective. I am lucky, because I love healthy food, so it's not like I am eating stuff I don't like.

Between now and the end of the school holidays, I will not be strict, but I will make healthier choices where applicable. I won't eat just for the sake fo eating. Drinking more water won't be a problem either and there won't be morning teas laden with home made goodies.....

By Christmas I will be in better shape again, it will take about three months to undo the damage that I did.......

Does it get any better?
I wonder what it's like to have a million, squillion dollars! I wonder what it's like never having to worry about money, kids, health, parents, friends..................................and so on.............

I know I am blessed with a wonderful life.... Every night I say my prayers and am humbly grateful for the life I have been dished out. NO, I don't have a million, squillion dollars, and yes I worry about things, but when you stop worrying about the small things, you realize what big things I have indeed got.

I have a humble home, the size of a tissue box..........and I love every square cm of it. My kids are healthy, smart, gorgeous and have the world at their feet. My parents and in laws are alive, and very much a part of my life. My extended family, (read brother) is finally an integral part of my life again. My career has begun another slow ascent, of which I am very proud about. My health is great, I carry a little too much weight. ( I can't have everything hey???) I have fabulous friends, I have a great hobby, I have the best husband in the whole wide world..........

Good thing about you blog...........you are always there to remind me just how good I have things!

Life's cool.

Well things are pretty happy here at our home. This is what I am particularly happy about at the moment.
* my house is humble, but it's mine
* said humble household's carpet isn't going to cost the earth, even though we can only afford to do the lounge room at this stage.
* my work is great................I just pray it continues in a similar capacity
* my kids are all well and have so far done really well this winter, for the first time ever......
* my husband loves me and tolerates all my foibles and ideas
* said husband is my rock
* I have paid all my bills, and owe almost nothing to anyone!!
* my dear brother is coming home on the weekend
* I bought a light fitting today, the first ever, and everytime I look at it I get a real buzz, from knowing it's MY light fitting...........

Yeah............life's cool.

Some serious thinking

I need to review my food intake, and get back to basics.  Having extra money in the household has enabled extra treat foods......something we just haven't been able to afford in years, not since we have kids anyway.  I haven't put all my weight back on, but I am uncomfortable again, and I know that in September, when the winter layers are decreased I will be really cranky with myself...................
 
My problem times are the weekends, and anything that is out of the ordinary.  On work days I am good, as I pack my lunch, and just eat a normal NO Count day.  My meals that I cook are still good too, it's the extras I have been allowing in my diet. Exercise is non existent apart from running around at school, which is an increase in incidental exercise only...........I don't want to be fat again!  I know only I can change it. 
 
I am in two minds.  Do I go back to No Count, lose the weight and then try to 'do it on my own'?  Or do I just make healthy choices most of the time, and just reconcile myself to the fact that I have to stay at the top of my healthy weight?  If my want to maintain at the middle of my healthy weight, it's slim pickings every single day.......and quite honestly I know I can't maintain that?  Why oh why does this have to be so hard?  I know it's something I always have to watch. The weird thing is though, even when I made a conscious decision to eat something, I still feel guilty while I am eating it.  I don't truly enjoy it.  The only time when I enjoy indulgences is if I just have a taste.  I know that so much of this is mind stuff.............
 
Thanks for giving me the forum to think aloud and to try and get myself on track......... 
 
Will report in to let everyone know how I am going. 

Kite Flying

Kite flying
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

As long as I can remember I wanted to own something that I could fly. Not something like an aeroplane - not something I had to sit in, but something I could make fly, with me firmly planted on terra firma! When I was little my Dad built my brother and I this glider. It was beautiful. It was red, and painstainkingly built and painted, it looked glorious.............and couldn't fly for shit!!!! I remember we tried to fly it, in between picking poisonous mushrooms for Mum to cook us later!! Oh but that's another story lol.........

The glider would soar - for a few seconds and then hit the ground with a terrible sounding crunch! Each time we picked that glider up, there was another piece missing.......... My brother and I were devastated............

So the saga continues. I now have children of my own. We have had a couple of kites, just freebies given to us as a promotional item, but we were excited nevertheless. So we would endeavour to fly the sucker...........we would run, and run and run.......and still the wretched thing wouldn't fly. We would bring it home, and send it soaring off the verandah on our second storey, only to have the poor thing sink immediately to the ground.............what is it??? What's the go with me and things that are supposed to just fly?

So, one night with wine in hand...........( I always love to internet shop when I have had a wine or two!!!). I decided to buy a kite. The first website I found I placed an order. I bought a simple diamond shaped kite, it cost $30 with postage...........

Last weekend we took it out to fly! The awesome kite flew on two feet of string................the kids could simply hold it, and then it just hovered. It just didn't know how to come down to the ground without being pulled down......

I must let my brother know - that some kites do fly!! Actually
I think I will need to fly it with my brother and my Dad...........that would be so cool!

Billy-Joe Rugby

Billy-Joe Rugby
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

Love this layout.........shit scan though. The Mother's day one I actually cloned out the funny bit on it. I tried in PSE2 and in PSE3. It's never done that before. It's in the stitching actually not the scanning......

I loved doing this, loved the gorgeous buttons on my corner and loved the small photo inside the 'r' chipboard letter......... What fun I had....

Mothers Day 2006

Mothers Day 2006
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

I went scrapbooking on Saturday. It was from midday till midnight. I wasn't planning on going as Billy-Joe was having some friends around and one was staying the night. I felt like I should have been home. Bunny assured me he would cope fine and that I should go and have fun. I did! I completed two layouts. I had a ball. I love working with my photos and with my memories and creating something special to hand onto my children. This layout shows us on Mother's Day, probably my favourite day of the year next to Christmas. The next layout is one of Billy-Joe playing rugby. Barbi's daughter, Holly thought it was pretty cool that I could even manage to add flowers onto a boy layout............. I plan on taking some more photos of Billy-Joe playing footy. I haven't been to many games of late, so will go next weekend...........just hope it's not too early.....need to go scrapping again on Friday night!!

Carousel

Carousel
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

How's this, I go scrapbooking most Friday nights. I spend around 6-7 hours there, and most times don't scrapbook!!!! Okay, okay, I hear you say, what do I do? Well a girl has to relax, unwind, drink tea and coffee, talk, talk, talk some more, eat dinner and eat chocolate and catch up with her dearest friends. Last night I got to have dinner with Barbi, which was just fantastic. It's like we have our own little restaurant - the food is delicious and the company delightful. Anyway I finished this layout today, after I couldn't even pick out the papers last night. It looks much better IRL.

Where's my baby gone?

As I hugged and kissed my birthday boy today, I realized he was no longer a baby. For the last many months, whenever he has done something 'big' I always show him how proud I am of him and always say 'where's my baby gone?' still - even now, he replies 'here he is' pointing to himself. He knows he will always be my baby even when he is twenty!! I watch him at the dinner table now and marvel at how far he has come. It was two years ago that we started the gruelling process of not letting him eat what he wanted to eat. He was made to eat our food, and it took nearly twelve months before he ate anything more than two minute noodles. Many,many nights he went to bed with no dinner. But I was comfortable with that, and with the advice of my paediatrician, that I knew I was doing him a favour..............oh boy I never thought it would take as long as it did. The small victories along the way let us know that we were indeed doing the right thing.

Now two years later, he sits down to delicious dinners which he actually enjoys. This week he has polished off a good serve of corned meat, white sauce, mashed potatoe, peas, corn, brocolli and carrots. Last night he ate a bowl of fried rice. He has also tried my homemade sausage rolls, and, yesterday while eating my much loved patty cakes, with his mouth still full, he asked 'was the caramel slice ready yet'?

Another large victory and stepping stone well into boyhood is the fact that he has always performed when left at daycare. He has been going to day care since he was 15 months old (when Daisy's was started) and he has always carried on, which has only caused us both distress. Now, during the last term of school, he has stopped crying when left. I have left him at Holiday care now for two days, and I just get a big hug and he just walks away, content to join the other kids...............

Where has my baby gone?

Birthday time

It's birthday time again in the household. We started with Dad's birthday last week, it's Mickey's today and Billy-Joe's in a few weeks time. I have been on holidays for the last week and a half, and I have spent most of the time cooking and baking, which I have thoroughly enjoyed. For tomorrow we are going to enjoy homemade sausage rolls, homemade caramel slice, apricot and walnut cake, delicious sandwiches, dips, cheese, chocolate biscuits and a mud cake as the birthday cake. I have included some healthy options for me, as I don't want to just eat fattening things. I have been overdoing it a bit of late, so I want to be careful and not go completely overboard.

Next week, when school goes back, it's back to eating properly. I'd like to fit in some exercise into my regime too, I will have to think about that one. As I am only working six days a fortnight, I should be able to fit it in, although I only have the Tuesday without Mickey at home...

It's state of origin night tonight, so I am home alone........... It's actually Mickey's birthday today, but he doesn't know it!!!! Dear husband decided that the footy game was more important, so we have deferred Mickey's birthday supper to tomorrow night. We had to tell middle ds that it's the 5th July tomorrow, the eldest son, I actually explained what we we were doing. Gosh I feel awful, but this way everyone is happy. Mickey will no doubt understand when he is older, as he will probably be football mad too.

Old Class Photos

Billy-Joe's Class 2005
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

I find scrapbooking these photos really difficult. This is the second one I have done in a few weeks. In actual fact, they aren't that difficult at all............. I am really happy that I have started to scrapbook a little more now, seems I have the head space again. I even spent yesterday browsing the net for layout ideas..............it was like the old days of when I first started scrapbooking.........

Beach in June

Beach in June
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

I love living in this wonderful place. I think it's fantastic that we can go to the beach, even in the winter time. The kids just love the beach, the sand, the water, the chips afterwards..........