Mind is whirling

I'm so excited about going on prac at the end of next month. I'm also petrified. For me, that prac is crunch time. It will make or break me. Let's face it, I've been at uni for almost a year, and yet haven't set foot inside a hospital to work yet. Aged care, is no comparison. Not to belittle that job, but it's not where I want to be, (plus I'd like to see huge changes there).

I need to teach myself to stop, slow down, slow my thinking down, and become methodical and rational. It's something that really scares me. I'm scared, that when someone asks me something, I won't answer, or, worse, something happens and I can't act fast enough. I know, at this stage, it's not my role to be saving all the cardiac arrests, or respiratory arrests, but I'm praying that I have the wherewithal to act promptly and appropriately. I know I'm not going to fall in a heap crying, or in panic, but I don't want to go blank either.

Surely, if I talk to my Prac teacher, and read up before hand, that can help my confidence a little. While I can't diagnose off an ECG of course, I can tell when something is wrong.

If I'm nervous now, what's the morning I start going to be like?

Doctor or Nurse

I'm so pleased that I'm going to be a nurse. Although if you were present at my lecture this morning, (and others from the same subject) you'd be excused from thinking I was doing medicine.

I'm tired. So very tired. Sometimes I question my sanity. When I finish my studies I want to work full time. I wonder if I'll be able to do it. Physically and emotionally able. Thank God I can always work less hours, but my plan is to work full time. I want to make the most of my studies. I want to learn as much as I can. I don't want to just work to make money. I want a career.
How many people at my age start an entirely new career? Most times I don't feel my age. It's just a number after all. (Ssssshhhhh that's what I have to keep telling myself).

The lecture today on inflammation was so OTT. I switched off about half way through. One hour of listening to a monotonal diatribe (not really correct grammar but humor me) was enough to turn me off immunology for life. I get prostaglandins and histamines. I don't want anything more...........

No wonder I do great in the nursing subjects and crap in the science based ones. Well not totally crap because many have failed the assignments and I've passed them all. Not brilliantly but beyond a pass. I just want the exam to be over. I hate how the subject is organized too. From a teaching perspective it misses the mark, and from a nursing perspective it's just overkill. I keep telling myself that I will make a great nurse, just not a good scientist and I'm okay with that. A girl I know who does brilliantly at everything didn't do so well with her Drug Therapy workbook. I feel so elated that I got a HD. She wrote a high level academic paper. I replied to the questions as a nurse and advocate for my patient. I'm rapt with my mark as I know I'm on the right track. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

We are learning about so many different areas and are probably getting a large chunk if everything. I want to be in my area of nursing and specialize in that area. I know I'll have a good grasp of everything relating to that area.
At the moment I don't know where that will be. My placement in July will be in a Medical/Coronary Care ward. I'm excited about that. I want to become au fait with ECGs and all that goes with it. I've already made a list of the the I want to practice and revise prior to then.

I know that in the end, the main thing is that I learn and feel comfortable with what is required of me. I know to be on the look out for adverse effects of drugs and signs that someone is deteriorating. Whether Or not I can write an academic paper on that will thankfully become immaterial.

So it's with those thoughts that I console myself today. I will get there.
And I am so happy that Pathophysiology is my last science driven subject.
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