Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A little down time

It hasn't really been down time, but what I'm having to do is not stressful and I'm enjoying the break from study.

The exams were hard. Actually one was okay and I think I did fairly well. It was based on illnesses and the nursing care associated with those. The other exam, pathophysiology was a difficult one. It was 60 multiple choice and an essay on diabetes. The essay would have saved me. I found the multiple choice filled with obscure questions. Thank God I remembered the sample ones off by heart as quite a few were in there. My essay flowed, it had an intro and a conclusion, and had the information they wanted. Whether it's written in a 'sciencey' way that's good enough for them, I don't know. I used all the correct terminology, I didn't dumb it down completely, but my science minded friends' essays would be lots more complex than mine.  It took me an hour and a half to write it. Which is ridiculous for a two hour exam time period. Mel, didn't even get hers finished. She's so incredibly smart, but reads quite slowly, and also writes slowly too. So far in uni she always takes her Macbook and I've never seen her handwrite anything, other than in the lab doing a drug calculation. Seems unfair to be penalised for having to handwrite something. I wrote almost seven pages. Ridiculous. I'm so relieved it's done and if I didn't hope I could sell it, I'd burn my lab coat and text book. I never want to look at either ever again. The subject content was fascinating. The delivery and assessment requirements were so far removed from the learning outcomes that a nurse requires, it was almost nonsensical. And damn hard. Next semester the subjects, are all nursing related. No science.......yayyyyy..........  Only three subjects too, so I'll have a life other than uni, which will be awesome. Now to wait for the grades. So grateful that patho  exam wasn't a hurdle task as I know I've passed the subject, but I wouldn't be so sure if I had to pass the exam in order to do so.

Of course while all this is going on, there's my life as a Mama, wife, daughter and friend. Sadly, I couldn't give my friends the time that they deserve, or that I wanted, but they understand it's a short term thing. I'm glad I still went to Daisy's most Friday nights, so could catch up with my friends there. I still was a good Mama to the kids, and made sure they helped out, even though that is often a stress in itself, it's an important lessons for them and a huge help for me. I was always there for my husband, and he's not the type who requires lots of attention, as such. But I always made sure we talked, and that I was affectionate toward him. He would snap me out of my melancholy if I was feeling over stressed and ground me again. I was able to spend some time with Mum each week. I'm glad I made that time. It's not been an easy six months for her and she needs me, and I need her too. She's sold the house and has bought a unit in a retirement village. It's currently being renovated, so, she's been very busy, and extremely emotional. This time is turbulent, both sad and happy........not easy for her at all. Not when you think she's had Dad there for her for her entire adult life, and even before that.....

My uni friends have been great. So good, having a few girls who are smart and work as hard as I do. I've learned a lot from them.  I've learned to slow down and be more analytical. I've learned it's okay if I don't understand something right away. I've also learned that I'm not as smart as they are, so I pick up on skills that they have which I can adopt. I'm also pleased that my house is tiny, as it's been sadly neglected. I can't remember the last time I vacuumed and while the kids do it regularly, I dare say the job isn't as good as mine would be. (And I'm not that fantastic, Peter is great, but too busy for me to ask him to do it very often.) But everyone was loved, kept clean, warm and fed. Thinking that my hard work would perhaps inspire my kids that it's something they can pursue later on, has backfired. Sammy feels sympathy for me all the time when he sees me study and Billy-Joe has dropped his OP subjects because he can't ever see himself working as hard as I am. Sad really...........but like I said to them, it's something they can always consider later on down the track.

I've not had time to go to church at all. Quite often by Sunday, I've still got so many chores to do, and study, and an hour or two free in the afternoon was something I could have if I did my jobs. And that was a maybe. Most Sundays, I worked anyway..........  God was with me every step of the way though, as I always went to him in prayer. Both for support and gratitude.

Next Monday, I commence four weeks on placement. I've not really thought too much about it as yet. If I did, I think I'd freak out. All the skills I've gained in the last twelve months will now be put to use on a real live person!!!! That includes giving injections and meds. I'm looking forward to doing that, and just pray that I won't have the syringe in the kidney dish rattling so loudly that the patient knows I'm petrified lol......  I'm really anticipating a lot of learning to be consolidated. I forget things as they're not in use and I want to be able to use skills and not feel like I'm always looking for the info in the back of my memory somewhere. In a way I'm glad I give myself an injection each month, although I don't know how much help that is. At least I know I won't hurt them, but then again, often it's the medication and not the needle that actually causes the pain.

Tanzania is looming too. We are having a dinner at the university in two weeks and it's one of our biggest fundraisers to date. My entire family is going, including Mum, Julia and Kiana. It should be a fun night. Leonie, the lecturer who's leading all this is amazing. I had to hug her yesterday because she is doing so much for us, and I really appreciate all the time that it is taking, and how much she is doing on her own. My personal fundraising is going okay. Slowly but surely it's adding up. Once I pay for my ticket and passport I think I'll really believe that I'm going. I mean I know I'm going, but so far it feels quite surreal.

I'm tired and feeling drained. My neck and shoulder has given me trouble, probably from the hour and a half long essay I had to write, because I held the same position for too long. My physiotherapist has become my friend over the years she's treated me, and I'm blessed that she saw me at home on Monday as I was in a lot of pain. So what's left of the week will be spent catching up with friends, spending time with my kids, and resting.


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