The Reversal by Michael Connelly
I'm so glad my blog is called what it's called as my style of recording my thoughts and happenings has never changed. It also means my blog is often not even chronological. Sometimes it's because I've maybe already posted something and sometimes it's because I don't get around to doing it, or other thoughts and ideas come to me. My blog is a reflection of me, always thinking, but with no order..........
I've been wanting to go back down south for a few years no. Hard to believe it's almost six years since I went down the one and only time since I've lived in Qld, and I've always wanted to go back and to stay longer. Laureen has asked me many times to visit and I've never gotten around to it. Now I've just bitten the bullet. When I saw that the Tutankhamen Exhibition in Melbourne was announced, it didn't take me long to decide that I wanted to go and take Sammy. I can combine that with going to visit Laureen and my Aunt and Uncle and spend time in Victoria, where I've left a piece of my heart. I'm quite excited about it. Going in the winter time doesn't bother me, I have boots, jackets, warm clothing, which never get much wear here, I'll need to buy Sammy a jacket as he feels the cold terribly. I'm hoping that Laureen's house will be warm, I'll be okay going out and about, it's inside I'm worried about. I'll have to make sure I take my woolly slippers and warm trackie daks!!! Sammy wants to go to Sovereign Hill again, I'll think about it. I may even hire a car and drive to Geelong, I'd love to be able to drive around on my own, take photos and just soak up the atmosphere. The photo above is Sammy when he received his card in which I wrote that he was going to the exhibition and that we were going together! He is very excited too.
The New Year, is a time to reflect and then refocus on the possibilities ahead.
There are many things I want to focus on, mostly the same as last year, although I have more clarity this year. I am still not sure where my work efforts will take me. Even doing this course, I've learned much, but perhaps, even more I've learned there's much I still don't know. Doing an e course has been good, but I've really missed the interaction with others doing the same course. Often I have questions or ideas and then no one to bounce them off. As I don't have control over the business, I can't make decisions (and rightfully so of course) and I will mention things to Barbi, which then become lost in the past, never actioned, or even discussed fully. My memory being akin to a sieve, I don't even have the recall to consider those items at a later date, as the idea or thought is gone......for good. As far as the Daisy's site is concerned we are going to have a planning meeting and structure things into a better format. I need structure, and routine, that way things are done too, and not just talked about. I need support and feedback from the store, so I can do my part of the job properly. The downside to not being at the 'coalface' is that many things happen or arrive and I am never informed of them, therefore the site or Facebook isn't updated as often or as promptly as it could be. If there was a procedure in place, whereby I was contacted, then these things would make it onto the web, much more quickly. I am considering doing a short course in Dreamweaver, so I can build a new site for us. I have thought long and hard, and as I don't consider myself a designer, I don't want to work for others building a site. I believe my skills lie in the area of analysis, and that's where I need to broaden my knowledge too. For us though, having knowledge in Dreamweaver, gives me the ability to make changes and for our site to be controlled the way we want it. I don't want to be locked into templates and so forth. I have much to learn on the analysis side of things too, and am not sure how I'm going to further develop that knowledge. Basically the course has given me great insight into the possibilities, as opposed to teaching me how to do them. Does that make sense?
I do need to earn more money though, I can't survive on the little income I have at the moment. I've got less money now than I've had years ago. Thank goodness I'm not paying off a loan or anything, as I couldn't furnish it. I stopped my audiobook membership as it was a luxury I can live without. I work for my card making items. If I buy something I have to have the money for it. Credit cards are of no use to me at the moment, as I don't have the funds to pay it back. It's a shame I'm so fussy with what I want to do. It's still a huge priority for me to be here for my kids. No more paying After School Care etc. That's not worth it, unless I'm earning really really good money, like when I was teaching. Do I miss teaching? No! Would I like to teach something? I love teaching. I will always love passing on my knowledge. I love teaching my Camera Class, and I love teaching my Copic Class. The key is to teach to willing students for me. Teaching at the Special School was great, and I enjoyed it very much. I just can't do the unpredictability anymore. It's a shame, but it doesn't suit my personality type. I still love working from home. This is an area I will keep working on and thinking and praying about. I know many women don't have the luxury of doing something they like, and having it suit everyone, and earning good money. Perhaps I am wishing for too much. I'm honest, I am not prepared to work nights or weekends! I've done that, when I was younger, not going there now. I want to earn okay money, it doesn't need to be what I earned at teaching, I know that was a rarity, but it wasn't predictable either, I couldn't depend on it.
On a creative side of my life, I'm still content not scrapbooking layouts anymore and I'm happy to continue to improve my use of colouring, I don't want that to be come onerous though. I think as a method of recording my life, my blog is integral and I will make photo books, and include digital layouts in those as well as journalling and photographs. I'm not going to beat myself up about it anymore. It's been 12 months since my last layout, and I can honestly say I've not missed doing them. Plus I can't afford to do it anymore anyway. My cards are practical and I can add slowly to my Copic collection plus the items I buy for my cards are not expensive. I'm saving space at home and am enjoying what I do. My scrapbooking has always been about my photos and my stories, and that will remain so.
On the mental, emotional and spiritual side of my life, I have goals too. I reaffirmed my faith in 2000. I attended church for a few years and loved it. When the Church basically fell apart and deeply hurt my best friend, I left too!! Once again the reasons for my earlier reluctance for attending church had proven themselves to be very real and valid. I didn't want to belong with a group of people who purported to be Christians and whose behaviour was anything but Christian!!! It had become my experience that there were more hypocrites inside a church than inside it. That's not the kind of faith I wanted to grow with. I was hurt and confused, as the place which had taught me new things and brought me closer to God, had showed its true colours. Barbi stayed away for quite a few years, and attended another church, one I could never grow an attachment toward, even though I went a couple of times. I'd always felt such a sense of 'homecoming' with the other church and that feeling couldn't be replicated just anywhere.
In the intervening years, I've kept my faith, but have had no growth in that area. I still maintain a high level of scepticism in many areas of faith and I honestly don't know if that will ever change, but I am willing to take that path again. This year for my birthday Barbi, bought me a beautiful Devotional Book. I love it. A few years ago, I'd worked through the devotional readings in my Bible, and loved them, but didn't really work through it in the way I've started with this new one. I've started a journal and I will document my journey. I won't publish it here, not in its entirety, sometimes maybe just snippets, I'm not sure yet. Barbi bought me a few years ago a beautiful Bible, 'The Message' as she knows I struggle dreadfully with reading the Bible. Quite frankly I find most of it gobbeldybook and the rest of it beautiful........I want to understand more.
Last Sunday, I went back to the Church. There's a new pastor and it's a little different, some of the things I loved have gone, but times change and I won't dwell on that. Now is all that matters. I enjoyed the service. Billy-Joe came with me which was very special and I think he will come with me more often.
I've still got much to think about, but life is good and I feel good and we're all happy.
