Feeling of deja vu

I have just finished reading another girl's blog - I was astounded because it was like I was reading about myself in about 1986. I remember when I was left alone for two weeks at a time, I really struggled. I cried every single night. I panicked about having the put petrol in the car just like this girl is, and I had a company car where I got the fuel for free. I ended up getting one of the other guys to put the fuel in for me. I was petrified about driving myself everywhere, I had no kids and was incredibly lonely..............

I feel for her, and I know that it was so stupid feeling like that. It wouldn't worry me as much anymore. I would miss dh yes..........but I would cope okay, especially once the kids were tucked in bed for the night..........

I have come a long, long way in nearly twenty years........... I will never lose my independence.............ever!!!!

Mama never told me there'd be days like these...........

I have had a wierd kind of day. The kind of day that I used to have alot of once.. The type of day when you don't want to get out of bed, and the 'to do list' is a mile long, and you feel lethargic and heavy as you drag yourself around doing your chores. I used to have days like this all the time, when my depression was untreated, and in the early days of treatment before the dosage of meds was right. The good thing nowadays is, that I know it will pass, I know there is an end to my mood, that it doesn't last very long any more............ Still knocks me for six when it happens though. I have to push myself to complete even the most simplest of tasks. I think back to the days when I am jumping out of my skin, flying through my chores, enjoying my exercise and I think of how today, I feel like I couldn't even walk out of sight on a dark night, let alone a brisk 4 km walk. I have work to do, and I am behind. I know in my heart that I function better knowing I have things to do.........I know I get bored so very easily, but it's still hard to drag myself through the day. It's evening now, and I do feel a bit better. Tomorrow is a new day.............

Using Robin Purcells B&W action

Using Robin Purcells B&W action
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

I think the other photo makes Billy-Joe and I look a bit hard. This conversion was done using Robin Purcell's action in Photoshop 7. It has a bluish tinge to it, but I quite like it.............

There is just so much to try and to learn.