Where I am at.

My weight is at a stage where I need to do something about it again. We are on holidays at the moment, so it will give me time to get my head in the right place again, and still enjoy the holiday and the treats that it will include. I have been doing some thinking of late. Trying to figure out what my next weight loss strategy was going to be.

I have undone all the good work from the start of the year. Working full time and then continuiog with work, even with a less busy schedule I have eaten a little differently to how I would normally. More money in the house has made less stress, and I have felt much happier within myself. I am one of those people who eats when they are happy, I know that's different to alot of people, who eat when they are miserable..... I feel sick when I am down, so can't eat at all. Probably explains why I am the size I am..........I am VERY HAPPY.

I have been analyzing where my eating has been un-weight watcher friendly. I thought if I wrote them down, acknowledged them and thought of plans to stop that from happening, I would be on the way to losing weight again.

* buying take away where I ever bought it before, because there is more money in my purse.
* eating when I am not hungry
* eating in the evening with my cup of tea
* indulging in morning teas whenever they have been held at work
* baking for my family
* not drinking enough water
* not eating as much fruit

I really liked the No Count way of eating. I found this easy, as I didn't have to count every single morsel that enters my mouth. I think it suits the type of foods that I like to eat too. I have never been comfortable with the fact that rice, pasta, legumes and fruits were counted, and therefore restricted. Being able to eat until comfortably full is also good, not being restricted to the amount that I can eat.

Strategies for the above.....
* If I buy take away, buy healthy options, for example Subway, or a sandwich.
* NEVER eating just because it's time to eat. If I am not hungry...........I won't eat!
* Only eating yoghurt of fruit with my cup of tea at night.
* Not eating anything at morning teas, which will be easier next term as I am not working as much as I have been and if I am included, I will bring a healthy option so I can have something healthy.
* Not baking
* I will drink more water, which is easier now as it's warming up.
* Continue to eat fruit, but eat more for snacks. I have been eating about three pieces a day, and will increase it especially as the summer approaches.


Having written this all down, helps put everything into perspective. I am lucky, because I love healthy food, so it's not like I am eating stuff I don't like.

Between now and the end of the school holidays, I will not be strict, but I will make healthier choices where applicable. I won't eat just for the sake fo eating. Drinking more water won't be a problem either and there won't be morning teas laden with home made goodies.....

By Christmas I will be in better shape again, it will take about three months to undo the damage that I did.......

Does it get any better?
I wonder what it's like to have a million, squillion dollars! I wonder what it's like never having to worry about money, kids, health, parents, friends..................................and so on.............

I know I am blessed with a wonderful life.... Every night I say my prayers and am humbly grateful for the life I have been dished out. NO, I don't have a million, squillion dollars, and yes I worry about things, but when you stop worrying about the small things, you realize what big things I have indeed got.

I have a humble home, the size of a tissue box..........and I love every square cm of it. My kids are healthy, smart, gorgeous and have the world at their feet. My parents and in laws are alive, and very much a part of my life. My extended family, (read brother) is finally an integral part of my life again. My career has begun another slow ascent, of which I am very proud about. My health is great, I carry a little too much weight. ( I can't have everything hey???) I have fabulous friends, I have a great hobby, I have the best husband in the whole wide world..........

Good thing about you blog...........you are always there to remind me just how good I have things!

Life's cool.

Well things are pretty happy here at our home. This is what I am particularly happy about at the moment.
* my house is humble, but it's mine
* said humble household's carpet isn't going to cost the earth, even though we can only afford to do the lounge room at this stage.
* my work is great................I just pray it continues in a similar capacity
* my kids are all well and have so far done really well this winter, for the first time ever......
* my husband loves me and tolerates all my foibles and ideas
* said husband is my rock
* I have paid all my bills, and owe almost nothing to anyone!!
* my dear brother is coming home on the weekend
* I bought a light fitting today, the first ever, and everytime I look at it I get a real buzz, from knowing it's MY light fitting...........

Yeah............life's cool.

Some serious thinking

I need to review my food intake, and get back to basics.  Having extra money in the household has enabled extra treat foods......something we just haven't been able to afford in years, not since we have kids anyway.  I haven't put all my weight back on, but I am uncomfortable again, and I know that in September, when the winter layers are decreased I will be really cranky with myself...................
 
My problem times are the weekends, and anything that is out of the ordinary.  On work days I am good, as I pack my lunch, and just eat a normal NO Count day.  My meals that I cook are still good too, it's the extras I have been allowing in my diet. Exercise is non existent apart from running around at school, which is an increase in incidental exercise only...........I don't want to be fat again!  I know only I can change it. 
 
I am in two minds.  Do I go back to No Count, lose the weight and then try to 'do it on my own'?  Or do I just make healthy choices most of the time, and just reconcile myself to the fact that I have to stay at the top of my healthy weight?  If my want to maintain at the middle of my healthy weight, it's slim pickings every single day.......and quite honestly I know I can't maintain that?  Why oh why does this have to be so hard?  I know it's something I always have to watch. The weird thing is though, even when I made a conscious decision to eat something, I still feel guilty while I am eating it.  I don't truly enjoy it.  The only time when I enjoy indulgences is if I just have a taste.  I know that so much of this is mind stuff.............
 
Thanks for giving me the forum to think aloud and to try and get myself on track......... 
 
Will report in to let everyone know how I am going. 

Kite Flying

Kite flying
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

As long as I can remember I wanted to own something that I could fly. Not something like an aeroplane - not something I had to sit in, but something I could make fly, with me firmly planted on terra firma! When I was little my Dad built my brother and I this glider. It was beautiful. It was red, and painstainkingly built and painted, it looked glorious.............and couldn't fly for shit!!!! I remember we tried to fly it, in between picking poisonous mushrooms for Mum to cook us later!! Oh but that's another story lol.........

The glider would soar - for a few seconds and then hit the ground with a terrible sounding crunch! Each time we picked that glider up, there was another piece missing.......... My brother and I were devastated............

So the saga continues. I now have children of my own. We have had a couple of kites, just freebies given to us as a promotional item, but we were excited nevertheless. So we would endeavour to fly the sucker...........we would run, and run and run.......and still the wretched thing wouldn't fly. We would bring it home, and send it soaring off the verandah on our second storey, only to have the poor thing sink immediately to the ground.............what is it??? What's the go with me and things that are supposed to just fly?

So, one night with wine in hand...........( I always love to internet shop when I have had a wine or two!!!). I decided to buy a kite. The first website I found I placed an order. I bought a simple diamond shaped kite, it cost $30 with postage...........

Last weekend we took it out to fly! The awesome kite flew on two feet of string................the kids could simply hold it, and then it just hovered. It just didn't know how to come down to the ground without being pulled down......

I must let my brother know - that some kites do fly!! Actually
I think I will need to fly it with my brother and my Dad...........that would be so cool!

Billy-Joe Rugby

Billy-Joe Rugby
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

Love this layout.........shit scan though. The Mother's day one I actually cloned out the funny bit on it. I tried in PSE2 and in PSE3. It's never done that before. It's in the stitching actually not the scanning......

I loved doing this, loved the gorgeous buttons on my corner and loved the small photo inside the 'r' chipboard letter......... What fun I had....

Mothers Day 2006

Mothers Day 2006
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

I went scrapbooking on Saturday. It was from midday till midnight. I wasn't planning on going as Billy-Joe was having some friends around and one was staying the night. I felt like I should have been home. Bunny assured me he would cope fine and that I should go and have fun. I did! I completed two layouts. I had a ball. I love working with my photos and with my memories and creating something special to hand onto my children. This layout shows us on Mother's Day, probably my favourite day of the year next to Christmas. The next layout is one of Billy-Joe playing rugby. Barbi's daughter, Holly thought it was pretty cool that I could even manage to add flowers onto a boy layout............. I plan on taking some more photos of Billy-Joe playing footy. I haven't been to many games of late, so will go next weekend...........just hope it's not too early.....need to go scrapping again on Friday night!!

Carousel

Carousel
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

How's this, I go scrapbooking most Friday nights. I spend around 6-7 hours there, and most times don't scrapbook!!!! Okay, okay, I hear you say, what do I do? Well a girl has to relax, unwind, drink tea and coffee, talk, talk, talk some more, eat dinner and eat chocolate and catch up with her dearest friends. Last night I got to have dinner with Barbi, which was just fantastic. It's like we have our own little restaurant - the food is delicious and the company delightful. Anyway I finished this layout today, after I couldn't even pick out the papers last night. It looks much better IRL.

Where's my baby gone?

As I hugged and kissed my birthday boy today, I realized he was no longer a baby. For the last many months, whenever he has done something 'big' I always show him how proud I am of him and always say 'where's my baby gone?' still - even now, he replies 'here he is' pointing to himself. He knows he will always be my baby even when he is twenty!! I watch him at the dinner table now and marvel at how far he has come. It was two years ago that we started the gruelling process of not letting him eat what he wanted to eat. He was made to eat our food, and it took nearly twelve months before he ate anything more than two minute noodles. Many,many nights he went to bed with no dinner. But I was comfortable with that, and with the advice of my paediatrician, that I knew I was doing him a favour..............oh boy I never thought it would take as long as it did. The small victories along the way let us know that we were indeed doing the right thing.

Now two years later, he sits down to delicious dinners which he actually enjoys. This week he has polished off a good serve of corned meat, white sauce, mashed potatoe, peas, corn, brocolli and carrots. Last night he ate a bowl of fried rice. He has also tried my homemade sausage rolls, and, yesterday while eating my much loved patty cakes, with his mouth still full, he asked 'was the caramel slice ready yet'?

Another large victory and stepping stone well into boyhood is the fact that he has always performed when left at daycare. He has been going to day care since he was 15 months old (when Daisy's was started) and he has always carried on, which has only caused us both distress. Now, during the last term of school, he has stopped crying when left. I have left him at Holiday care now for two days, and I just get a big hug and he just walks away, content to join the other kids...............

Where has my baby gone?

Birthday time

It's birthday time again in the household. We started with Dad's birthday last week, it's Mickey's today and Billy-Joe's in a few weeks time. I have been on holidays for the last week and a half, and I have spent most of the time cooking and baking, which I have thoroughly enjoyed. For tomorrow we are going to enjoy homemade sausage rolls, homemade caramel slice, apricot and walnut cake, delicious sandwiches, dips, cheese, chocolate biscuits and a mud cake as the birthday cake. I have included some healthy options for me, as I don't want to just eat fattening things. I have been overdoing it a bit of late, so I want to be careful and not go completely overboard.

Next week, when school goes back, it's back to eating properly. I'd like to fit in some exercise into my regime too, I will have to think about that one. As I am only working six days a fortnight, I should be able to fit it in, although I only have the Tuesday without Mickey at home...

It's state of origin night tonight, so I am home alone........... It's actually Mickey's birthday today, but he doesn't know it!!!! Dear husband decided that the footy game was more important, so we have deferred Mickey's birthday supper to tomorrow night. We had to tell middle ds that it's the 5th July tomorrow, the eldest son, I actually explained what we we were doing. Gosh I feel awful, but this way everyone is happy. Mickey will no doubt understand when he is older, as he will probably be football mad too.

Old Class Photos

Billy-Joe's Class 2005
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

I find scrapbooking these photos really difficult. This is the second one I have done in a few weeks. In actual fact, they aren't that difficult at all............. I am really happy that I have started to scrapbook a little more now, seems I have the head space again. I even spent yesterday browsing the net for layout ideas..............it was like the old days of when I first started scrapbooking.........

Beach in June

Beach in June
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin2912.

I love living in this wonderful place. I think it's fantastic that we can go to the beach, even in the winter time. The kids just love the beach, the sand, the water, the chips afterwards..........

News

Last night my good friend told me that she was pregnant. I was quite shocked at my own reaction to her news. I felt physically ill in the stomach!!! It was like someone had just told me that I was pregnant. I was just totally gobsmacked……….not only at the news but at my reaction to it. It didn’t last long, then all the other emotions rushed to me. I was happy for her, uncertain for her, concerned for her and excited for her. I just wanted to look after her………. She is a great mother, and I know her and her lovely husband have more than enough love to share around, the child will be lucky and blessed indeed to have such wonderful parents. I am actually looking forward to sharing this time with her. I guess it’s my way of vicariously enjoying another pregnancy without all the drama. Although, she will have health dramas of her own, so I am going to make sure I can be there to help her………..

The next few months are going to be interesting indeed.

I made it.

Well, I made it. I survived the whole term and came out the other side smiling. My kids survived too. It was a challenging time, funny that often the weekends were the hardest, trying so hard to keep on top of everything, and often thinking that I was losing that battle.

I am working some more next term. Six days per fortnight for the first month and then probably four per fortnight after that. I am really looking forward to it, and am glad that I am looked upon as someone worthwhile to have in the school. I am learning so much all the time, I love being there.

When my return was announced at parade in the last week, I was dismayed and left with a wonderful feeling inside, seeing how happy the kids were that I was coming back. A very heartening feeling, after the rocky start that we had.
I have lots to look forward to.

At the moment I am trying to cope with the fact that there's no income for another three weeks...............aaaccccckkkkk. I have no money left, and yet I still have direct deposits to cover......... Rock on tax time, that will be very handy indeed......

I need to blog more, gosh I am slack aren't I?

King of the castle

King of the castle
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

Love the colours of the set I took today. Here' s Mickey feeling like he's on top of the world. It's always lovely going to the beach in the winter time.

Red sky at night

Red sky at night
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

I have taken this a little on the dark side, but I still really like it. The moment was so quick, that before I realized I should have increased my exposure, the moment was gone. It's not often you see the red sky with the dark clouds......

Is the glass half full?

It's Sunday evening, just after half past five! Over the weekend I
* worked a seven hour shift on Friday night after a full day at work
* hung out washing, made beds, washed morning dishes
* went shopping for new books for work
* spent five hours doing paperwork
* watched "Bridget Jones's Diary"
* Hung up washing, and took down washing
* ironed week's clothes
* tidied house
* made beds
* did six hours paperwork

I spent yesterday morning, feeling quite shitty..................I want to do everything, and I want it done right! Why cant' a man see when things need doing? Why does a man let a child go outside and play in an ironed pair of shorts??? Why does a man not notice when children are wearing their good shoes while playing outside? Why does a man let said children walk in with said dirty shoes???

Ahhhhh shheeeeetttt!!!!! Maybe I expect too much. I hate being critical all the time, but I really think that living in damage control mode, saves alot of time in the long run. I think the problem, though, is that the only person who it actually saves time and money is me........so that's why I am the only one pedantic about all the little things..........

Now getting back to whether the glass is half full or half empty. I could look over my weekend's accomplishments and feel a smug sense of achievement couldn't I? I could think I have done a shitload of work, and I am tired, but not exhausted. Nervous about the week ahead but not fretting. Apprehensive about the challenge ahead, but no longer overwhelmed!

I want to work this term and I want to do it well, I know I am capable of good things if I only set my mind to it. I want to do my utmost to give these kids a great term. I want them to see me in the future and come up to me and tell me about their lives, because they miss having me everyday. I want my colleagues to look upon me as someone who is a wortwhile team player, someone who is grateful for their help and also supportive in return. I want the school to think of me as a valuable member of their staff for in the future too.

Why does writing this down always give one a sense of peace.......

I am sitting down, with a glass of wine, enjoying the rest of the evening and looking forward to the week ahead.

The glass is half full..........

A bit down

I am a bit pissed today............not happy at all actually. Well that's probably a bit of an exaggeration, but it makes me feel better to say that, nothing like a little self pity to set oneself back on the right track towards happiness and harmony now is there???

I went to WW today for the first time in three weeks, feeling oh so confident that I had lost a kg or even more. My WW pants which I have worn since the first weigh in, can now be taken off without even being unbuttoned, and, no, they aren't hipsters either..........so I was feeling very smug indeed. Mmmmmm, I had actually gained 100g. I was peeved.......... I need to look at my portion sizes, and I know in the last week I did go over in my points, but I didn't think it would effect the whole three weeks losses. Okay, I am over that little dummy spit, now onto the next one.

I was rung up on Saturday to see if I had any teaching commitments next term. Looks like the teacher I replaced on Friday isn't coming back for a little bit. The principal was ringing me on Monday to confirm details and arrange to get some stuff to me............well.......it's now Wednesday and I haven't heard from her. I can't ring the school, there is no-one there and I of course don't have the principal's home number. I started to loosely plan a mini unit for three days next week, but I really can't do any more at this stage. I wanted to relax this week, and plan the work for the time I was going to work for.............oh I hate being at the mercy of someone else.........

Well it's happened.........

Well it's absolutely amazing how one's life can go sometimes. Out of the last two weeks I have spent four days working as a relief teacher. I am amazed on many different levels.

* I am enjoying it heaps
* I can actually still do it
* It doesn't feel like ten years since I was last in front of the classroom
* The kids like me
* I can still cope at home
* I am not exhausted

Then this morning, the principal rang and asked me if I would be available for about three or four weeks next term, with the possibility of a contract for the whole term. I am really excited!!! Can you believe it? I am a teacher lol............. Somewhere in my dim, dark, previous life, I actually went to university!!! I have to pinch myself that I am actually a teacher, someone who is trained to plan, teach and evaluate, someone who is capable of earning good money, someone my dh and kids are really proud of. I bless the day that my dh, then very new boyfriend, encouraged me to do my degree. I was a mature aged student at the time, and university was a far cry from my life prior to then. We always said that it would be a good profession to get into, especially if we were to have children.

I am sitting here writing this with a very light and happy heart. I am so proud of myself. This has given my confidence an awesome boost...........

I find out on Monday, the exact details of my time at the school......

Still Going.

I am now in my seventh week of No count. I am still doing really well. I am enjoying how I am feeling. I love the food, so there's no drama there. Not having to count every single morsel that enters my mouth is so liberating. I can have a couple (not many) treats over the weekend, so I choose them very wisely.

I have a couple of challenges coming up in the next couple of weeks. Db is getting remarried on the weekend, and then dh's parents are celebrating their 50th Wedding Anniversary in another two weeks time. I will eat and choose wisely, and not drink too much either.

I know I can do this.........I am in for the long haul. I was wearing some shorts yesterday that I bought before Christmas. They were on special and were too tight. I knew that I would lose weight and they would fit..........well............they are too big now, I am always hitching them up................gosh that's a fabulous feeling. At another time, I bought singlet top which was bit tight, I wouldn't wear it when I first bougth it home, I felt like the michelin man in the top, too many lumps happening on my back...........!!! Now the top looks great.......

I love spending time on the WW forums, some great people there, and it's very comforting knowing there are others doing the same journey as I am.........

Look forward to weigh in on Wednesday as I haven't weighed in for two weeks, because of Sammy being sick last week..........