Do you ever get times in your life, where you seriously feel like you're failing and flailing. I've felt like that for several weeks now. I have so much self doubt. I doubt myself as a mother, I feel I'm lacking in the good wife department, and rightly or wrongly, I define myself by the roles I have. As a woman we have so many. Wife, friend, daughter, sister, mother, worker, housewife, organizer, cook, cleaner, accountant, disciplinarian, counsellor, motivator - and these are just what I can think of on the top of my head.
I can remember one day, when I'd had my mini breakdown. I'd got up one morning, the kids were small, and I was getting breakfast bowls out. I just fell apart. I couldn't count and figure out how many bowls I needed!
I rang my wonderful husband, and just cried. He came home and took over. He took me to the doctor and I started a round of treatment which included counselling sessions.
Prior to the sessions starting I had two people from Mental Health Unit come to the house. I sat down and Peter just pottered in the kitchen. I was neat, tidy, hair done and with a touch of makeup on. The two, assessors (I don't really know what their role was) looked me up and down and didn't know where to start. The told me that they were not prepared for what they found. All they knew, is that they had to evaluate someone (must normally be an onerous job, for them to have sent two people!!). They said they never find the patient, made up, with hair done. The patient doesn't have clean children. The patient doesn't tend to sit in a clean and tidy home. The patient doesn't normally have a husband who works quietly in the background, obviously supporting his wife just with his mere presence.......
They sat there, and had to explain why they were so stunned. I answered that, I would need to be rather ill, or dead, before I would let myself and my house go to that extent. I would never invite anyone into my home and have them see anything other than order.......Perhaps they wouldn' think I was sick enough.
They did, and I got the help I needed. Counselling and a safety net.
I always know they were there. I still carry their card in my wallet, never ever knowing when I'll need their help again, and not too proud or cocky to think that the time won't ever come again.
I digressed........
I haven't been to that level the last few months, but I've not felt strong and resilient either. I've not felt that I've fulfilled all my roles to their best potential, although I'm possibly the only one who thinks so. I've always been my own worst enemy and my harshest critic too.
This last weekend, was interesting. My eldest boy, whom I adore, has had pre pubescent attitude since he was 8 years old. We are so alike in may ways, and that's probably why we clash like we do. I'd had enough of his attitude. I know that my God Given role of parent, doesn't always make me a friend, and I tell him that's not my role. I'm set on this earth to be his guiding light, support and his soft place to fall. This means I'm here to do what's best for him, not to tell him what he wants to hear all the time. He has mates for that. That's not my role.
As luck would have it (his luck) he want to a sleepover on the Saturday night. I was glad that he was away. The dynamics change, and it gave us some much needed breathing space. He had apologized, but it wasn't heartfelt.
So my mind worked, how could I mend some bridges when he comes home. I thought about how much we enjoyed each others company. When he came home yesterday I asked him if he wanted to be my training partner again. Like we'd done last year. He was quick to think that was a good idea.
Today I worked. Today I was told that I had work until the end of the week. That feels good. It's good money, and makes up for the many weeks of no work. Added to that the two teachers in the block actually asked for me. When school finished one of the teachers was heading to the office to let them know how much they liked and respected me. They both told me in the morning that I had a good reputation around the school amongst the teachers. They wanted the office to be aware of this, as they were the ones who actually did the ringing. As you can imagine I walked around on a cloud all day.
My shoulder's still not good, but the acute pain is gone. I don't need pain killers to get through the day. My pupils are all ambulatory and require no toileting, so the physical side is nil. It means it can still rest and I can still work.
I picked up the kids and headed home. I supervised homework although only Sammy had homework, much to his chagrin. He wasn't impressed at all - being the last week of school and all. He has a cold with a sore throat and headache, so I crushed him some panadol in some juice. I've had no complaints since he's been playing on the computer.
Billy-Joe and I headed down to the 'gym'. I walked, jogged, walked, jogged, and coached him with his weights and crunches. We were down there for over half an hour. At one stage, he ducked upstairs saying he was doing something to help me. I said it was okay, I didn't need my treadmill I only had about seven minutes left. He said, no, it's okay, I've done something to help you and you'll see when you go up.
I head upstairs, and left Billy-Joe to sweep out the dusty gym. (It's under the house, on a concrete slab, but in the open, if that makes sense). I walked past the bathroom, Mickey was drying himself and Sammy was in the shower. Mickey said, that Billy-Joe had asked them to shower, to help me. I was rapt. No arguments, and they were done by the time I came inside. While I was putting on a load of washing, Mickey set the table - I was gobsmacked!
Everyone was in a good mood. No-one got into trouble. No attitude.
It's days like today, that make me realize I do indeed fulfill my roles. I know I'm my harshest critic. In my teaching studies, I learned that one always evaluates one's days, and then makes efforts to improve it for next time. Reflection is a powerful planning tool for a teacher, and I've found, for life also. I am hard on myself, and often feel severely short of the mark. Perhaps that's not a good thing, and during the 'down' times, it's awful. But I keep plodding on, always trying, always improving, never letting my standards drop, and then a day like today proves that I must be doing a few things right.
I will never stop learning, I'll never stop making things better for myself and my family. And I'll give myself permission to celebrate the goodness that I create too.
Dinner is simmering, the kids are happy and well behaved. Husband is hard at work and will come home to a tidy house and a cooked meal. I've got a good, albeit spasmodic job, I've got awesome family and friends. Seriously, it doesn't get much better does it?
Monday, April 06, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Update
Sorry for the boring title - no inspiration for anything clever today.....
I had my cortisone injection almost a week ago. My shoulder is better, the acute, take your breath away pain is gone, but that's all. I still find things difficult and I am acutely aware that I need to be careful. No, that's not quite right, I can do more things. I've done more housework things than I've done in the last few weeks. But my arm tires and has no strength. Needless to say I'm not doing any weights, but I have been walking on the treadmill. I've been on three times this week, so am hoping my fitness will improve quickly, because it's decreased very very quickly. I'm walking and not jogging at the moment.
I've had no work this week, but the clearing of some debts has made life easier and taken the pressure off me. I am still able to save money for Christmas and for my Surprise Cruise (five year plan) so all's good there. I hate it when I have my pharmaceutical bills, because with three different medications, that's my biggest personal expense. My scrapbooking costs very little at the moment, which is also good. I have been making cards of late too,which helps keep the cost down, and it has a practical component too, which appeals.
I've finished the Twilight series of audio books. I've loved them and am very sad that they are finished. I'm totally hooked on the whole audio book thing, the multi tasking opportunities are huge. Housework was never so much fun, nor ironing.... I'm reading a real book at the moment, and it's a Field Guide for my camera. I've only just started it and have already learned two major things that I didn't know before, so I'm stoked.
I had my cortisone injection almost a week ago. My shoulder is better, the acute, take your breath away pain is gone, but that's all. I still find things difficult and I am acutely aware that I need to be careful. No, that's not quite right, I can do more things. I've done more housework things than I've done in the last few weeks. But my arm tires and has no strength. Needless to say I'm not doing any weights, but I have been walking on the treadmill. I've been on three times this week, so am hoping my fitness will improve quickly, because it's decreased very very quickly. I'm walking and not jogging at the moment.
I've had no work this week, but the clearing of some debts has made life easier and taken the pressure off me. I am still able to save money for Christmas and for my Surprise Cruise (five year plan) so all's good there. I hate it when I have my pharmaceutical bills, because with three different medications, that's my biggest personal expense. My scrapbooking costs very little at the moment, which is also good. I have been making cards of late too,which helps keep the cost down, and it has a practical component too, which appeals.
I've finished the Twilight series of audio books. I've loved them and am very sad that they are finished. I'm totally hooked on the whole audio book thing, the multi tasking opportunities are huge. Housework was never so much fun, nor ironing.... I'm reading a real book at the moment, and it's a Field Guide for my camera. I've only just started it and have already learned two major things that I didn't know before, so I'm stoked.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Weekend Fun
Lately Karen and I have taken the pressure off ourselves and we've made cards instead. We both have a passion for acrylic stamps, and we have a good plan. She buys them, and I get to try them lol....... I did buy a new set on the weekend, which we will share too. The russian dolls in the cards I've made is one of her new stamps. I bought the owl stamps which are featured in one of the photo posts.
On Saturday Barbi, had a charity day for the Bushfire and flood victims. There was only a small number of us, but we had an absolute ball. Lisa H and her friend Donna came, Yvonne a lady who's a regular Saturday scrapper (and one of my photography class attendees), Karen and Suzy. We spent the whole day together and it felt like a retreat weekend. Karen had spent the morning, drenched as she watched her sons play football, but arrived in time for lunch. Suzy and I were able to catch up on our 'geek talk', which is always so nice. We discussed when would be the right timing to buy a laptop. We want to use the childrens' school tax rebate to help purchase them. We've decided that the idea time, may well be before the end of the financial year. I was willing to wait, but Suzy said, the government in their eternal wisdom, may decide they've spent too much money and this tax benefit could be scrapped next year. We would both be very upset if that happened. I wouldn't be doing it without that tax benefit, and I don't think Suzy would be doing it this year either. I talked to Bunny about it and he agrees with Suzy's thinking. We spoke a bit about our cameras, and it was a pity that she didn't bring hers along. She'd bought a field guide for the book from the UK (I ordered one too - free freight from the Book Depository). I changed a setting on my camera after talking to Suzy, actually I've changed two things since she's bought her new camera, so I'm keen to learn more about my own camera. I have stuck to the familiar settings and I need to explore more and take my picture taking to a new level.
I was so excited to have found my card mojo yesterday. I was even more excited when I inspired Suzy to make a card like my blue owl card. Her work always inspires me and I was excited to feel that I'd inspired her. I took my Cuttlebug, and had a ball with Barbi's embossing folders. A highlight of yesterday was Dawnie joining us in the afternoon. It was lovely sitting and chatting with her. We all had dinner together,and Dawnie even stayed for that.
Lovely Lisa, was very very very peeved about not being able to join us and I need to hide this post so she doesn't know how much fun we had..... I'm sure she had fun with her visitors though. I just feel sorry for anyone who dares stand in the way of her coming next Friday night! Their life wouldn't be worth living!!
My shoulder and arm has a dull ache! The acute pain has gone. I'm praying that the healing can commence and that the dull ache goes away too. It hurts like it hurt when it first started. I've been very careful not to lift anything heavy, and have been cleaning and doing lots with my left hand. I'm feeling happier today than I've felt in weeks. Pain is crap and just takes the oompf out of my life. I've been debilitated with pain a few times in my life, and it scares me to death. I'm just so grateful to my physio for sending me off to get a scan......thanks Carlie.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Update
I've had a better week. I actually wanted to go out this week, so that's a big improvement. I worked on Monday, and all went well as I mentioned in my last post. On Tuesday I visited my gf and we chatted and ate yummy cake. I had my scan.....which showed bursitis, arthritis and calcification on the bone - at least now I know.
On Tuesday I rang to see if Cath could cut my hair. She was busy until he end of the week. She was going to see 'Chicago' (scroll down) on Wednesday and asked me if I wanted to go, as Craig wouldn't want to go with a busload of ladies!!! I had to do some juggling with kids and an appointment, but I ended up going.
Cath cut my hair beforehand, and then we drove down to Kawana to where the mini bus was leaving from. We headed down to Brisbane. The lady who'd organized it, made us all lunch. For $6 we had a chinese meal container full of homemade goodies, grapes, and we had a bottle of water too. It was delicious and perfect. The show was fabulous. I was just amazed at the talent, and the level of professionalism. Caroline O'Connor, the lead, was just awesome. She was so young, athletic and beautiful with a voice like Liza Minelli, but more guturral - very strong and powerful. You can imagine my shock when I read her bio last night and discovered she was my age...... God,that made me feel so old......I thought she was 20 years younger than me. On the way home, we had chocolates and a glass of wine. It was nice chatting and relaxing and not having to worry about the traffic. I was sick of sitting down all day though. My back ached lol....... I'm not used to all this relaxing!!
Today I had a hectic day. I ended up having a cortisone injection in my shoulder. I also popped in to see my parents, which was nice. I had a lot of running around to do, between the doctor twice, hunting down my cortisone and a visit to my physio... After physio, before I had to head back to the doctor, I went and had a dose of Daisy's. It helped to calm me before I had to have the injection.
I'm pleased I'm home now. I'll just duck out shortly to pick up my little ones and then I can come home and have a shower and prepare dinner. I just bought pizza bases, so dinner is simple.
I need to rest my shoulder for a few days. The local which was injected with the cortisone is starting to wear off.
I am looking forward to a glass of wine later and a relaxing evening.
On Tuesday I rang to see if Cath could cut my hair. She was busy until he end of the week. She was going to see 'Chicago' (scroll down) on Wednesday and asked me if I wanted to go, as Craig wouldn't want to go with a busload of ladies!!! I had to do some juggling with kids and an appointment, but I ended up going.
Cath cut my hair beforehand, and then we drove down to Kawana to where the mini bus was leaving from. We headed down to Brisbane. The lady who'd organized it, made us all lunch. For $6 we had a chinese meal container full of homemade goodies, grapes, and we had a bottle of water too. It was delicious and perfect. The show was fabulous. I was just amazed at the talent, and the level of professionalism. Caroline O'Connor, the lead, was just awesome. She was so young, athletic and beautiful with a voice like Liza Minelli, but more guturral - very strong and powerful. You can imagine my shock when I read her bio last night and discovered she was my age...... God,that made me feel so old......I thought she was 20 years younger than me. On the way home, we had chocolates and a glass of wine. It was nice chatting and relaxing and not having to worry about the traffic. I was sick of sitting down all day though. My back ached lol....... I'm not used to all this relaxing!!
Today I had a hectic day. I ended up having a cortisone injection in my shoulder. I also popped in to see my parents, which was nice. I had a lot of running around to do, between the doctor twice, hunting down my cortisone and a visit to my physio... After physio, before I had to head back to the doctor, I went and had a dose of Daisy's. It helped to calm me before I had to have the injection.
I'm pleased I'm home now. I'll just duck out shortly to pick up my little ones and then I can come home and have a shower and prepare dinner. I just bought pizza bases, so dinner is simple.
I need to rest my shoulder for a few days. The local which was injected with the cortisone is starting to wear off.
I am looking forward to a glass of wine later and a relaxing evening.
Monday, March 23, 2009
I made it
I'm glad I was worried about today. It spoiled my weekend a little, but at least I felt like I was pro active and not reactive. I didn't take my additional anti depressant medication this morning. I decided to take it at night (tonight). I couldn't afford to be sleepy at work. Plus I wanted to be able to take nurofen plus and I would have been comatose with both drugs in my system. I know my body would get used to the extra, but I can't risk it - and I didn't want another day of feeling like I did over the weekend. It reminded me of the times I'd changed my medication in the past, when my kids were still little. It was the most horrible time of my life. I had a baby and a toddler, while I was trying to 'wash out' from one drug, and then re introducing a new drug. I would spend the day lying on the sofa, wishing like anything I could just sleep, but, of course I couldn't. It was like sleep torture. Being dead on my feet and not having the liberty of just being able to relax. I'd done that a few times, because often the new drug wasn't suitable, so then I'd have to go through the whole process again. I knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but it was a tough road getting there. And like this weekend, the mornings were the toughest.
That's how I felt this last weekend. Thankfully my kids are much bigger, and it wasn't traumatic - they just had a drowsy Mum to contend with.
I was grateful for the class that I had too. I had to lift, but with assistance and my aide took the brunt of the weight. Two kids were in wheelchairs, so that made it easier to keep them where they were required. I had a lovely aide and we chatted the entire day as we took care of the kids. It was much less stressful than many of the days I've had there. No backchat, no bad behaviour, no tantrums, and a little amount of academic work got done too.
Dinner tonight is very easy. I forgot to defrost something this morning, so I'm making a meal that I used to make frequently years ago. It's a very simple curried tuna.
Curried Tuna
Big tin tuna in brine,drained and broken up
Large tin creamed corn
large tim corn kernels
onion, chopped
garlic, crushed
parsley
1 tsp of 2 of curry powder
salt and pepper to taste
parsley chopped to serve
all mixed together and served on a bed of rice. I will see the consistency and then may add some lite evaporated milk in it, with a little cornflour if needed. I've gone off plain tuna served hot, so I'm trying this dish again as I have three big cans of tuna in the cupboard, and the cat won't even eat it lol.......(she only eats dried stuff).
It's plain, but yummy and kid friendly, healthy and dead easy.....
Can you tell I love corn? My dh always laughs because I put corn in most of the family meals. I am a corn connisseur (sp?). For several weeks the brand I liked was unavailable and I went into withdrawals lol..... Now it's back in stock and I have a little stockpile. Bunny laughed when he saw four cans of corn in the pantry. It's not the first time they've not had it - I want to be prepared next time.
That's how I felt this last weekend. Thankfully my kids are much bigger, and it wasn't traumatic - they just had a drowsy Mum to contend with.
I was grateful for the class that I had too. I had to lift, but with assistance and my aide took the brunt of the weight. Two kids were in wheelchairs, so that made it easier to keep them where they were required. I had a lovely aide and we chatted the entire day as we took care of the kids. It was much less stressful than many of the days I've had there. No backchat, no bad behaviour, no tantrums, and a little amount of academic work got done too.
Dinner tonight is very easy. I forgot to defrost something this morning, so I'm making a meal that I used to make frequently years ago. It's a very simple curried tuna.
Curried Tuna
Big tin tuna in brine,drained and broken up
Large tin creamed corn
large tim corn kernels
onion, chopped
garlic, crushed
parsley
1 tsp of 2 of curry powder
salt and pepper to taste
parsley chopped to serve
all mixed together and served on a bed of rice. I will see the consistency and then may add some lite evaporated milk in it, with a little cornflour if needed. I've gone off plain tuna served hot, so I'm trying this dish again as I have three big cans of tuna in the cupboard, and the cat won't even eat it lol.......(she only eats dried stuff).
It's plain, but yummy and kid friendly, healthy and dead easy.....
Can you tell I love corn? My dh always laughs because I put corn in most of the family meals. I am a corn connisseur (sp?). For several weeks the brand I liked was unavailable and I went into withdrawals lol..... Now it's back in stock and I have a little stockpile. Bunny laughed when he saw four cans of corn in the pantry. It's not the first time they've not had it - I want to be prepared next time.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sleepy days
My GP increased my anti depressants and has me taking the extra dose in the morning. In the past I've only ever taken them at night. The result is that I'm absolutely exhausted for the whole morning. Both weekend days I took it at 6am and went back to bed and was pole axed until 9 am!! Totally out like a light. Not just light dozing but a deep heavy sleep. I am working tomorrow, and am a little worried on a couple of fronts. Firstly I'm praying that the class isn't too physical because my shoulder just won't cope, and I am hoping I'll stay awake!!! I can't even take a couple of nurofen plus before I go, because I'll definitely doze off. Normally an increase of meds only takes a few days to get used to, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be okay. I can't take my 6am dose and then go back to bed!! I'm toying with maybe taking it at night rather than morning. Not sure whether to risk it tomorrow or not. I don't like changing 'doctor's orders' but I need to function. It's my third day's work for the term and I'm in no position to say 'no'.
I had to take Billy-Joe out to a birthday party yesterday and I was worried about feeling droopy there. I had a nice time, Mickey came too, but I was very happy to come home, and I laid down for half an hour before I got up and cooked dinner. Today, I've watched TV all day, and have started to crochet. I hadn't crocheted or done much stuff on the computer in the last couple of days thinking that maybe that was putting strain on my shoulder. It's made no difference, so I'd rather be 'resting' and doing something I enjoy rather than nothing at all. I will have my ultrasound done on my shoulder on Tuesday, so hopefully that will offer some answers.
Easter's only a few weeks away. I still have to buy for the kids and dear Bunny. I've bought them a large bunny each, and I need extra eggs for the hunt. I'll buy DB a nice Lindt Bunny box, a tradition I've done for years.
I want my shoulder to settle, so it can stand the jolting on the treadmill. I want my pill's side effects to settle and to start working, so I can start feeling normal again.
I had to take Billy-Joe out to a birthday party yesterday and I was worried about feeling droopy there. I had a nice time, Mickey came too, but I was very happy to come home, and I laid down for half an hour before I got up and cooked dinner. Today, I've watched TV all day, and have started to crochet. I hadn't crocheted or done much stuff on the computer in the last couple of days thinking that maybe that was putting strain on my shoulder. It's made no difference, so I'd rather be 'resting' and doing something I enjoy rather than nothing at all. I will have my ultrasound done on my shoulder on Tuesday, so hopefully that will offer some answers.
Easter's only a few weeks away. I still have to buy for the kids and dear Bunny. I've bought them a large bunny each, and I need extra eggs for the hunt. I'll buy DB a nice Lindt Bunny box, a tradition I've done for years.
I want my shoulder to settle, so it can stand the jolting on the treadmill. I want my pill's side effects to settle and to start working, so I can start feeling normal again.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Moments of Randomness
*Coaltar soap smells odd - but denotes love to me. My Bunny used to use it when we first met. I used to just love his chest hair, because it smelled of this unusual scent which I'd never smelt before. He used to live in a little cane cutters cottage, which had no running water inside, and no shower. He would shower under the tank stand in the backyard with cold water, straight from the tank. (Does anyone remember the opening scene of Lady Chatterley's Lover???)
* Good quality wine tastes wonderful
* Being sick sucks
* My kids love my home cooking
* Family is everything
* My home is humble and small, but I love it
I bought a cake of Coaltar soap today!
* Good quality wine tastes wonderful
* Being sick sucks
* My kids love my home cooking
* Family is everything
* My home is humble and small, but I love it
I bought a cake of Coaltar soap today!
A brighter day
I'm on the hunt for a new GP. My old GP is okay, his care has been fine, but there's something lacking - empathy and a sense of humour. I like to be treated with both. I feel they are my strong qualities when dealing with others, and I now know that it's something I crave. I don't need sympathy or pity, by any stretch, but an understanding and an empathetic ear, goes a long long way.
Today I went to a new clinic. I saw a doctor, he was pleasant enough. I was booked in to see a lady Doctor, but she went home ill, so my appointment was rescheduled. I was basically after a referal to have my shoulder scanned, meanwhile checking out the 'feel' for the clinic. Parking was a cinch, which is important in this town. There's a chemist adjacent which is a huge plus. It's close to home, and they bulk bill which is rare these days.
My anti depressants have been increased too for the next couple of months. I know this will make a difference.
My shoulder has gotten increasingly worse this last few days. Yesterday I was in so much pain, I couldn't do much at all. My left hand and arm is now doing so much more. I was even 'mousing' with my left hand yesterday. I had to bring my physio appointment forward because the pain was so acute. It's a long way from better, but much better today than it was yesterday. I had to do the groceries this morning, so I did it very slowly (I hate trolleys!!!!), and carrying in the groceries to the house, took eight trips. I only carried really light stuff in my right hand. I've been getting Peter to drain the pasta or rice this week, and he's had to lift my heavy scanpan. I've even had him wipe the bench at night. Now my left hand can do a good job of that. I open windows and doors with my left hand. Thank God I'm not carrying an infant anymore!
My tummy still felt 'icky' this morning. I actually felt like I had morning sickness. Not a nice feeling, but thankfully it's subsided. I feel better now than I've felt for days in my stomach. I'm looking forward to dinner and a chardy later.
Barbi came and visited and spent a few hours with me. That woman is good for my head, heart and soul. We didn't even talk about me. It's just her presence. She exudes a goodness that I just drink in when I'm around her. We drank good coffee, ate good cakes and had a light lunch.
I'm heading out now to pick up my little ones. Billy-Joe is across the road with Sheila, one of our elderly neighbours that we keep an eye on. She is quite artistic and Billy-Joe is asking her questions about drawing. So nice to see that a young pre pubescent boy is interested in what an old lady has to offer. Very very sweet, and I'm sure Sheila will be rapt that he came to see her.
Today I went to a new clinic. I saw a doctor, he was pleasant enough. I was booked in to see a lady Doctor, but she went home ill, so my appointment was rescheduled. I was basically after a referal to have my shoulder scanned, meanwhile checking out the 'feel' for the clinic. Parking was a cinch, which is important in this town. There's a chemist adjacent which is a huge plus. It's close to home, and they bulk bill which is rare these days.
My anti depressants have been increased too for the next couple of months. I know this will make a difference.
My shoulder has gotten increasingly worse this last few days. Yesterday I was in so much pain, I couldn't do much at all. My left hand and arm is now doing so much more. I was even 'mousing' with my left hand yesterday. I had to bring my physio appointment forward because the pain was so acute. It's a long way from better, but much better today than it was yesterday. I had to do the groceries this morning, so I did it very slowly (I hate trolleys!!!!), and carrying in the groceries to the house, took eight trips. I only carried really light stuff in my right hand. I've been getting Peter to drain the pasta or rice this week, and he's had to lift my heavy scanpan. I've even had him wipe the bench at night. Now my left hand can do a good job of that. I open windows and doors with my left hand. Thank God I'm not carrying an infant anymore!
My tummy still felt 'icky' this morning. I actually felt like I had morning sickness. Not a nice feeling, but thankfully it's subsided. I feel better now than I've felt for days in my stomach. I'm looking forward to dinner and a chardy later.
Barbi came and visited and spent a few hours with me. That woman is good for my head, heart and soul. We didn't even talk about me. It's just her presence. She exudes a goodness that I just drink in when I'm around her. We drank good coffee, ate good cakes and had a light lunch.
I'm heading out now to pick up my little ones. Billy-Joe is across the road with Sheila, one of our elderly neighbours that we keep an eye on. She is quite artistic and Billy-Joe is asking her questions about drawing. So nice to see that a young pre pubescent boy is interested in what an old lady has to offer. Very very sweet, and I'm sure Sheila will be rapt that he came to see her.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Dr. Phil
I have missed Dr. Phil in the last few weeks, because they've had a new show on, called 'Ask the Doctors'. It's not a bad show, but they'll often concentrate on things that I already know, they focus on the 'get healthy' track more often than not. Their interesting shows have been on the less common issues, like certain diseases etc...... However, even though I'm a wanna be doctor, I have missed Dr. Phil.
I have always liked his straight forward approach. I don't always agree with Dr. Phil - but most times I do. He calls a spade a spade and has helped thousands of people with his no nonsense, rational approach to issues.
He's been back on this week, and I'm pleased about that. Today's show, wasn't the ideal one to have on while I was eating lunch! The show focused on a woman who had OCD. She is a compulsive hoarder. Actually this woman had more than one issue.
They showed the rubbish in her house. Normally, when I've seen previous shows on hoarders, it's just loads and loads of 'clean' rubbish. But this was just the most revolting thing I've ever seen. Like I said, not good lunch viewing. This woman had so much food, just rotting in the fridges and freezers. The freezer in the garage which was inaccessible due to all the rubbish in front of it (one truckload!!), had opened, so all the food was defrosted. The freezer was full of maggots and sludge - just vile. The kitchen fridge didn't fare any better. I was shocked and saddened to see this. The woman has children - really lovely kids. I'm so sad to think that these kids have had to grow up like this. The woman had her own issues of anxiety and depression, and found the whole cleaning up thing very very stressful. Added to that her boyfriend is a drunk! My heart just went out to the kids.
Dr. Phil has thrown resources at her, for her to clean up her home and to get better herself. The kids love her, and support her. I hope she continues on her journey, for their sakes as much as hers.
As an aside, I am pleased that she was getting help, and all for free. But I don't think she 'got' the gravity of what she'd done. There didn't seem to be any shame in the state of the house, nor a whole lot of gratitude about what she'd received...... Maybe that's just the cynic inside of me.
And I hate it when I find a dust bunny, or a floppy carrot in the crisper drawer......
I have always liked his straight forward approach. I don't always agree with Dr. Phil - but most times I do. He calls a spade a spade and has helped thousands of people with his no nonsense, rational approach to issues.
He's been back on this week, and I'm pleased about that. Today's show, wasn't the ideal one to have on while I was eating lunch! The show focused on a woman who had OCD. She is a compulsive hoarder. Actually this woman had more than one issue.
They showed the rubbish in her house. Normally, when I've seen previous shows on hoarders, it's just loads and loads of 'clean' rubbish. But this was just the most revolting thing I've ever seen. Like I said, not good lunch viewing. This woman had so much food, just rotting in the fridges and freezers. The freezer in the garage which was inaccessible due to all the rubbish in front of it (one truckload!!), had opened, so all the food was defrosted. The freezer was full of maggots and sludge - just vile. The kitchen fridge didn't fare any better. I was shocked and saddened to see this. The woman has children - really lovely kids. I'm so sad to think that these kids have had to grow up like this. The woman had her own issues of anxiety and depression, and found the whole cleaning up thing very very stressful. Added to that her boyfriend is a drunk! My heart just went out to the kids.
Dr. Phil has thrown resources at her, for her to clean up her home and to get better herself. The kids love her, and support her. I hope she continues on her journey, for their sakes as much as hers.
As an aside, I am pleased that she was getting help, and all for free. But I don't think she 'got' the gravity of what she'd done. There didn't seem to be any shame in the state of the house, nor a whole lot of gratitude about what she'd received...... Maybe that's just the cynic inside of me.
And I hate it when I find a dust bunny, or a floppy carrot in the crisper drawer......
Monday, March 16, 2009
Just want out of the valley
With my depression, I expect valleys and hills. Thank goodness in the last few years, since I've been back on permanent medication the valleys have been relatively short, and, normally I just hibernate for a few days and then I feel okay again.
I feel like I've been in my valley since Christmas. I just feel so flat. I have no energy and I do the barest minimum of what I need to do. I have had good days, don't get me wrong, but they don't stick around. I am so cranky at myself. I currently have so much time and could be making the most of it. I could go out, I could stay home and scrapbook. I could create every single day. I stay home, unless I'm asked to go out - and generally it's not social. I do my groceries and thank goodness I still go out every Friday night - but many weeks, I don't go anywhere from one Friday to the next apart from kids' stuff, and the supermarket.
I feel happy in a way. I'm not doom and gloom, just very flat. I have all that I want and need. My family are around me and love me dearly. My home is small but adequate for us, and it's ours (as opposed to rented, which we did for many years).
If I look back over the last few weeks, my health hasn't been great. Between my sinus infection, my hip, my shoulder and now this tummy bug - I guess it's not conducive to feeling like jumping up and down with joy. I have nothing at the moment that I feel excited or passionate about. Nothing to look forward to. I can and do try to focus on the positives in my life. There's no stress in my life either and I am grateful for that.
I'm off to the physio again on Thursday with my shoulder and I know she wants me to have it scanned. I honestly don't want to get on that roundabout again. GP - Radiology - GP - Specialist - GP - back to physio because nothing can be done anyway. I've lost count with the number of times I've been on that roundabout. I know that one of the symptoms of depression and peri menopause, us more aches and pains, but I've always considered them to be a general thing. Kind of like when you have the flu and hurt all over, rather than specific things 'going' on one's body. It seems like my body fights me every step of the way.
I try so damn hard to be healthier.
The year before last, I started ballroom dancing and I hurt my hip. Last year I started walking and my hip got so bad, I had to stop, because I couldn't walk the hills anymore. I've now had to stop my weights because of my shoulder! I've stopped the treadmill because of my hip again. I will restart though, I just can't understand why I always have these hurdles.
I'm not trying some crazy fad, I'm not doing anything unreasonable. I'm fit enough to be able to do these things, but my muscles protest and stop me from doing what my body needs.
So if you find my mojo, my energy, my motivation or my inspiration, please send it my way. I've been taking multi vitamins to help with the energy levels, but that's done nothing.
Sorry for another down post. I wanted to update my blog though, and this blog has always been an honest outlet for me - for good feelings and thoughts and also for the not so good ones.
My family are all well again, they've all had the tummy virus, and it took two weeks to get to me. I think I have a 'watered down' version, because I am not vomiting like Sammy was, just good friends with the toilet. I can still eat, but am eating less.
I just want the spring back in my step. I don't just want to be going through the motions.
I want to feel something!
I feel like I've been in my valley since Christmas. I just feel so flat. I have no energy and I do the barest minimum of what I need to do. I have had good days, don't get me wrong, but they don't stick around. I am so cranky at myself. I currently have so much time and could be making the most of it. I could go out, I could stay home and scrapbook. I could create every single day. I stay home, unless I'm asked to go out - and generally it's not social. I do my groceries and thank goodness I still go out every Friday night - but many weeks, I don't go anywhere from one Friday to the next apart from kids' stuff, and the supermarket.
I feel happy in a way. I'm not doom and gloom, just very flat. I have all that I want and need. My family are around me and love me dearly. My home is small but adequate for us, and it's ours (as opposed to rented, which we did for many years).
If I look back over the last few weeks, my health hasn't been great. Between my sinus infection, my hip, my shoulder and now this tummy bug - I guess it's not conducive to feeling like jumping up and down with joy. I have nothing at the moment that I feel excited or passionate about. Nothing to look forward to. I can and do try to focus on the positives in my life. There's no stress in my life either and I am grateful for that.
I'm off to the physio again on Thursday with my shoulder and I know she wants me to have it scanned. I honestly don't want to get on that roundabout again. GP - Radiology - GP - Specialist - GP - back to physio because nothing can be done anyway. I've lost count with the number of times I've been on that roundabout. I know that one of the symptoms of depression and peri menopause, us more aches and pains, but I've always considered them to be a general thing. Kind of like when you have the flu and hurt all over, rather than specific things 'going' on one's body. It seems like my body fights me every step of the way.
I try so damn hard to be healthier.
The year before last, I started ballroom dancing and I hurt my hip. Last year I started walking and my hip got so bad, I had to stop, because I couldn't walk the hills anymore. I've now had to stop my weights because of my shoulder! I've stopped the treadmill because of my hip again. I will restart though, I just can't understand why I always have these hurdles.
I'm not trying some crazy fad, I'm not doing anything unreasonable. I'm fit enough to be able to do these things, but my muscles protest and stop me from doing what my body needs.
So if you find my mojo, my energy, my motivation or my inspiration, please send it my way. I've been taking multi vitamins to help with the energy levels, but that's done nothing.
Sorry for another down post. I wanted to update my blog though, and this blog has always been an honest outlet for me - for good feelings and thoughts and also for the not so good ones.
My family are all well again, they've all had the tummy virus, and it took two weeks to get to me. I think I have a 'watered down' version, because I am not vomiting like Sammy was, just good friends with the toilet. I can still eat, but am eating less.
I just want the spring back in my step. I don't just want to be going through the motions.
I want to feel something!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Warning: Whinge and complaining ahead
I understand if you don't want to read......whine alert.
I tell you, I would be a hypochondriacs dream. They wouldn't have to make up any health issues, because they are all real. And the health issues just keeps coming, one after the other.
I feel like I am always under a doctor for something, or at the physiotherapist's. Last year it was my hip, which is now under control. It's not gone, there are still things I can't do at all, but I don't live in constant pain with it anymore like I did. Mind you, it flared up earlier in the week, with a bursitis pain, which is horrid. I had just about finished on the treadmill, when I felt it 'go'. I hobbled around for the morning and then rang my physio and was relieved that I could get in on that same day. I was in more pain that afternoon, getting up from a sitting position was especially painful. I stayed away from the treadmill yesterday, and will again today, just to be on the safe side. I wanted to go and see about my shoulder again, because there's been no improvement. My back has always been an issue, and since surgery in 1990, it's been in varying degrees of pain. I had lots and lots of treatment early on after the surgery, and thankfully got rid of the pain I had suffered. Now I'm just very careful. Having a fragile lower back, and arthritis in my thoracic spine, gives me chronic upper back and neck pain. From time to time my shoulders play up and I usually need one or two treatments and I'm good to go again for a few months.
I've also had chronic achilles tendonitis for years now. I used to love step aerobics, now my calves and achilles can't do it anymore. About twenty minutes into the class they seize up so badly, I have to stop. I spent the hideous amount of money on orthotics, but that made no difference. I do notice a big difference in buying good track shoes though, a big difference actually, so I don't mind spending the money on good shoes. All my shoes are good shoes. I don't wear crappy, cheap shoes. I rarely wear thongs. I think back to just after Sammy was born, and he was in NICU and I was staying at Ronald McDonald House. Sadly, my most vivid memory of that time, was the amount of pain I was in with my achilles from walking several times a day to go and spend time with my baby!!!
I'm on anti inflammatories permanently. If I stop taking them, my achilles seize up so badly, every step hurts. The arthritis in my fingers hurts so badly, I have trouble holding my husband's hand. Funnily enough I can cope with that stuff. I've had it so long, that it's just a part of me. It's just something I need to manage, and for the most part my pain levels are tolerable.
So why is it then, just as my hip settles and my leg doesn't ache with every step, does my shoulder and arm have to give me trouble? Like a said, a hypochondriac would drool over my aches and issues lol......
I've had to stop my weights now, because my shoulder needs to heel. The thing is, I couldn't do them if I tried. Opening the car door is hard. I've changed my handbag back to my leather backpack, because I can't hold a handbag in my right hand, or on my right shoulder anymore - even when I make it lighter by taking out the extraneous stuff.
I know my troubles are really minimal in this world we live in, but they are my troubles, and make me feel like crap. I just want to go about my day without needing to be in pain, without calculating my every move. I'm just so glad that I'm no longer carrying a small child around.
Chronic pain, with interspersed episodes of acute pain seems to be a way of life for me. I hate it and wish I was the person in my body that I'm in my mind!
Another whinge
~ I broke my tooth at the start of the week. Thank goodness I got it fixed quickly, but not after the dentist had earned himself a tidy $280 for the job!!!!! Thank God I have dental cover, so I only had to pay $160!!
I tell you, I would be a hypochondriacs dream. They wouldn't have to make up any health issues, because they are all real. And the health issues just keeps coming, one after the other.
I feel like I am always under a doctor for something, or at the physiotherapist's. Last year it was my hip, which is now under control. It's not gone, there are still things I can't do at all, but I don't live in constant pain with it anymore like I did. Mind you, it flared up earlier in the week, with a bursitis pain, which is horrid. I had just about finished on the treadmill, when I felt it 'go'. I hobbled around for the morning and then rang my physio and was relieved that I could get in on that same day. I was in more pain that afternoon, getting up from a sitting position was especially painful. I stayed away from the treadmill yesterday, and will again today, just to be on the safe side. I wanted to go and see about my shoulder again, because there's been no improvement. My back has always been an issue, and since surgery in 1990, it's been in varying degrees of pain. I had lots and lots of treatment early on after the surgery, and thankfully got rid of the pain I had suffered. Now I'm just very careful. Having a fragile lower back, and arthritis in my thoracic spine, gives me chronic upper back and neck pain. From time to time my shoulders play up and I usually need one or two treatments and I'm good to go again for a few months.
I've also had chronic achilles tendonitis for years now. I used to love step aerobics, now my calves and achilles can't do it anymore. About twenty minutes into the class they seize up so badly, I have to stop. I spent the hideous amount of money on orthotics, but that made no difference. I do notice a big difference in buying good track shoes though, a big difference actually, so I don't mind spending the money on good shoes. All my shoes are good shoes. I don't wear crappy, cheap shoes. I rarely wear thongs. I think back to just after Sammy was born, and he was in NICU and I was staying at Ronald McDonald House. Sadly, my most vivid memory of that time, was the amount of pain I was in with my achilles from walking several times a day to go and spend time with my baby!!!
I'm on anti inflammatories permanently. If I stop taking them, my achilles seize up so badly, every step hurts. The arthritis in my fingers hurts so badly, I have trouble holding my husband's hand. Funnily enough I can cope with that stuff. I've had it so long, that it's just a part of me. It's just something I need to manage, and for the most part my pain levels are tolerable.
So why is it then, just as my hip settles and my leg doesn't ache with every step, does my shoulder and arm have to give me trouble? Like a said, a hypochondriac would drool over my aches and issues lol......
I've had to stop my weights now, because my shoulder needs to heel. The thing is, I couldn't do them if I tried. Opening the car door is hard. I've changed my handbag back to my leather backpack, because I can't hold a handbag in my right hand, or on my right shoulder anymore - even when I make it lighter by taking out the extraneous stuff.
I know my troubles are really minimal in this world we live in, but they are my troubles, and make me feel like crap. I just want to go about my day without needing to be in pain, without calculating my every move. I'm just so glad that I'm no longer carrying a small child around.
Chronic pain, with interspersed episodes of acute pain seems to be a way of life for me. I hate it and wish I was the person in my body that I'm in my mind!
Another whinge
~ I broke my tooth at the start of the week. Thank goodness I got it fixed quickly, but not after the dentist had earned himself a tidy $280 for the job!!!!! Thank God I have dental cover, so I only had to pay $160!!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Update
I'll update in words tomorrow. Good night.
The above cards are copied from the lastest Cards book. I loved the tree stamp and them stamped it again onto the orange patterned paper and cut out the leaves. It was very fiddly, but I love the result. The robot stamp, is the one that hasn't made it onto a card yet. I tend to do girlie cards and then whenever the kids get invited to a birthday party I always resort to a bought card.
The above cards are copied from the lastest Cards book. I loved the tree stamp and them stamped it again onto the orange patterned paper and cut out the leaves. It was very fiddly, but I love the result. The robot stamp, is the one that hasn't made it onto a card yet. I tend to do girlie cards and then whenever the kids get invited to a birthday party I always resort to a bought card.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Weekend
The weekend is always such a nice time. I wish they would last a little longer though. Yesterday I managed to get Billy-Joe his footy boots, and he bought a Tiger Woods Wii game with his pocket money. We had afternoon tea together, and then as a reward I checked out the Apple department in Myer. I could literally spend ages in there with the computer geeks. I have to control myself so that I don't start helping the people out that are perusing the other computers. I talked to one of the lovely geeks, about which Macbook to get. He's all but talked me out of the bottom of the line model. The quality of the screen is better on the aluminium Macbooks, as is the battery life. The trackpad had more functions too. I asked about Apple TV and even though I don't think I have a need for it, I am still impressed with its functions. You hook it up via HDMI cable to the TV and you can view your movies on your big screen TV, or up to five different things in the house actually. It works as another wireless storage point with all your itunes library, which can then be accessible to the other computers. Installing your own movies onto the device seems a bit convoluted though, as you need to use Handbrake to change the format of the movie. Handbranke, works well, but is extremely slow.
Mum and Dad came for dinner last night. I made my Green Curry and it was delicious and enjoyed by everyone. We had a lovely night, of wine, food and great conversation and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.
I showed them my Christmas DVD. I really need to get that finished and burned to DVD. I am quite happy with it. I would like to figure out how to get the camera to film better inside at night. The quality in low light, leaves a lot to be desired. When I read reviews before I bought it, I found that the quality was supposed to be okay. So maybe, I'm doing something wrong.
I have fixed the youtube videos now, they are no longer set to private (which is obviously the default). So I hope they work for you now.
Mum and Dad came for dinner last night. I made my Green Curry and it was delicious and enjoyed by everyone. We had a lovely night, of wine, food and great conversation and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.
I showed them my Christmas DVD. I really need to get that finished and burned to DVD. I am quite happy with it. I would like to figure out how to get the camera to film better inside at night. The quality in low light, leaves a lot to be desired. When I read reviews before I bought it, I found that the quality was supposed to be okay. So maybe, I'm doing something wrong.
I have fixed the youtube videos now, they are no longer set to private (which is obviously the default). So I hope they work for you now.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Youtube practise
I've just fiddled with the settings so hopefully now you can view the videos. These are just taken on my little point and shoot camera, and are both over twelve months old. It was fun though, using iphoto09 to make them into somthing a little more special than SOOC (straight out of the camera).
Mickey was sick today, so I didn't get to the golf course with my camcorder. Billy-Joe played a game after the clinic and Sammy went really well, even putted a hole in on in the little putting game they play. As opposed to last week, where he sulked and skulked and was very unimpressed with himself. It's so good to know that whenever I sit him down to talk to him, he really thinks about what I say. He will go next week, and be really happy about it and each time his confidence will improve. I give him full credit for not giving up! Mickey wasn't well when he came home from school yesterday, and was not well during the night. When Bunny left, I got Mickey into bed with me and he slept for nearly three hours, and felt much better when he awoke. Hopefully it's just a 24 hour thing - not like Sammy who was crook for three days.
Autumn is in the air, and it's so lovely. I still miss the changing of the leaf colour, the southern states, 'do' autumn so much nicer (and much colder). The evenings are cooling down a little and it's just lovely. It's almost like the calendar turned over on the first of the month and the temperature obeyed accordingly. Something I've always found really amazing in this climate.
Scrapbooking was good last night as always. I made a couple of cards, I'll upload them later.
I have to go down to the coast this afternoon. Billy-Joe needs new footy boots and the kids need new underwear. Wii games are also on sale at KMart, so Billy-Joe will no doubt want to have a look.
This video is of Sammy learning to ride his bike in our tiny front yard, it shows the street where we live too. I added music to make them more interesting.
Mickey was sick today, so I didn't get to the golf course with my camcorder. Billy-Joe played a game after the clinic and Sammy went really well, even putted a hole in on in the little putting game they play. As opposed to last week, where he sulked and skulked and was very unimpressed with himself. It's so good to know that whenever I sit him down to talk to him, he really thinks about what I say. He will go next week, and be really happy about it and each time his confidence will improve. I give him full credit for not giving up! Mickey wasn't well when he came home from school yesterday, and was not well during the night. When Bunny left, I got Mickey into bed with me and he slept for nearly three hours, and felt much better when he awoke. Hopefully it's just a 24 hour thing - not like Sammy who was crook for three days.
Autumn is in the air, and it's so lovely. I still miss the changing of the leaf colour, the southern states, 'do' autumn so much nicer (and much colder). The evenings are cooling down a little and it's just lovely. It's almost like the calendar turned over on the first of the month and the temperature obeyed accordingly. Something I've always found really amazing in this climate.
Scrapbooking was good last night as always. I made a couple of cards, I'll upload them later.
I have to go down to the coast this afternoon. Billy-Joe needs new footy boots and the kids need new underwear. Wii games are also on sale at KMart, so Billy-Joe will no doubt want to have a look.
This video is of Sammy learning to ride his bike in our tiny front yard, it shows the street where we live too. I added music to make them more interesting.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Thank you
I can't believe it. I'm working tomorrow. I am over the moon. They haven't forgotten me lol.....
Not that I need reminding, but God does indeed listen to prayer. I know that, I also know he doesn't always say 'yes'.
This time He did.
Thank you.
Not that I need reminding, but God does indeed listen to prayer. I know that, I also know he doesn't always say 'yes'.
This time He did.
Thank you.
Trivia
***20 YEARS AGO (1989)***
1) How old were you? almost 26
2) Who were you dating? Married to Ken (only just by this stage)
3) Where did you work? Target Head Office
4) Where did you live? Ocean Grove, Victoria.
5) Where did you hang out? Home, work, sewing classes, aerobic classes. I had few friends, very sad really.
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Yes,glasses since I was four years old.
7) Who were your best friends? My husband at the time, and my Mum who was living 2000km away.
8) How many tattoos did you have? None, and never will have.
9) How many piercings did you have? 2 in each ear
10) What kind of car did you drive? Commodore Executive (Company Vehicle)
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Dating/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married, again, but not for much longer.
14) Any kids? No
***15 YEARS AGO (1994)***
1) How old were you? 32
2) Who were you dating? I was engaged and living with Peter
3) Where did you work? I started a permanent teaching position, after I'd graduated from uni the year before.
4) Where did you live? Gold Coast Hinterland
5) Where did you hang out? At the local pub, and the major shopping centre mainly.
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? yes
7) Who were your best friends? Dimity
8) How many tattoos did you have? None
9) How many piercings did you have? No more.
10) What kind of car did you drive? Blue Ford Laser Hatch
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divor
14) Any kids? No, but I had two cats, Kilkie and Charlie
***10 YEARS AGO (1999)***
1) How old were you? 37
2) Who were you dating? married to Peter
3) Where did you work? At home
4) Where did you live? Sunshine Coast
5) Where did you hang out?At home, and at Daisys, scrapbooking on a Friday night
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? yes
7) Who were your best friends? Barbi
8) How many tattoos did you have? None
9) How many piercings did you have? 4
10) What kind of car did you drive? A lemon of a car, a Toyota Lexen
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divor
14) Any kids? One and another born on 29.12 (my birthday)
***TODAY (2009)***
1) How old are you? 46
2) Who are you dating? Married to Kendell
3) Where do you work? Special School
4) Where do you live?Nambour
5) Where do you hang out? At home whenever I can, and at Daisy's
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? yes
7) Who are your best friends? Barbi, Karen, Suzy, Lisa, my parents, my husband,
8) How many tattoos did you have? none
9) How many piercings did you have? 4
10) What kind of car did you drive? Toyota Camry
11) Had you been to a real party? yes, but not for a long time
12) Had you had your heart broken? Thankfully my heart hasn't been broken in a very long time.
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married
14) Any kids? Three awesome kids.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Normalcy Returns
I feel better today than I've felt for weeks. The fog has lifted! It was partly due to my ever present depression rearing it's ugly head, plus a head cold. I already felt dreadful before I actually got sick, so it was obviously building up a few days before hand. I remember craving for naps in the days leading up to the retreat - days before I was unwell. Wouldn't it be nice, if this is it now for 2009. No more bugs or viruses for me! I can hope and pray. I will just keep eating well and taking my vitamins and exercising and I know it all contributes. Who knows how sick one would get without those things.
I started the day with washing, as always, then continued with more washing after I'd taken the kids to school. I headed out to the treadmill, with my ipod and current audio book. (New Moon by Stephanie Meyer). I was stuffed at the 25 minute mark, so walked the last five minutes. It seems the week's break took its toll on me. Plus it's still incredibly humid, that doesn't help. The sweat just runs down my body and there's not a breath of air.
I had an opportunity to have coffee with one girlfriend, but I declined, as my morning was full and Barbi was coming for coffee. I finished my housework and then took Bunny to the car place to have his CD/Tuner I'd bought him for Christmas installed. I brought him back home so he could at least eat something, and then drove him back out an hour later. I also had to get fuel, hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone as I was a little scruffy and hot looking - not how I'd normally leave the house. I couldn't wait to hit the shower when I got home. Now it's lunch time and the morning is gone.
It's week 6 and I've only worked one day this term. I hope that means that everyone is just incredibly well, not that they don't want me anymore. It's weird to go this long without work. Yesterday, the worry got to me. DB told me to enjoy my time at home and not feel guilty. Make the most of it he said. As is normal when I get myself in a tizz about things, I forget to pray. I am always ready to pray for thanks, very rarely asking for anything. So yesterday, I sat myself down and prayed - just handed it over. God will take my worry from me. It's a good feeling. It doens't mean I feel any less concern about not having work, just makes the problem seem shared, and not so dire anymore. This has happened many times in the last three years, and the situation has always resolved itself. Working my kind of job, is beyond my control. I don't know when I will work. I don't know how often I'll work. I only know that when I do work, I get paid well. It's a big tradeoff, but one I was willing to buy into. It's just something that the control freak in me finds a little difficult to deal with sometimes. And God helps smooth those edges for me. I don't control everything. The school could have any number of reasons for not ringing me at this stage.
* no-one is ill
* if a contract teacher's contract wasn't renewed from last year, they would get called before me, especially if it's a teacher who has worked there in a permanent capacity.
Things will change, when teachers become ill, or the previous contract teachers find other contracts to fill. I know I have a niche. Patience!
Hump day again. Where does the week go?
I started the day with washing, as always, then continued with more washing after I'd taken the kids to school. I headed out to the treadmill, with my ipod and current audio book. (New Moon by Stephanie Meyer). I was stuffed at the 25 minute mark, so walked the last five minutes. It seems the week's break took its toll on me. Plus it's still incredibly humid, that doesn't help. The sweat just runs down my body and there's not a breath of air.
I had an opportunity to have coffee with one girlfriend, but I declined, as my morning was full and Barbi was coming for coffee. I finished my housework and then took Bunny to the car place to have his CD/Tuner I'd bought him for Christmas installed. I brought him back home so he could at least eat something, and then drove him back out an hour later. I also had to get fuel, hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone as I was a little scruffy and hot looking - not how I'd normally leave the house. I couldn't wait to hit the shower when I got home. Now it's lunch time and the morning is gone.
It's week 6 and I've only worked one day this term. I hope that means that everyone is just incredibly well, not that they don't want me anymore. It's weird to go this long without work. Yesterday, the worry got to me. DB told me to enjoy my time at home and not feel guilty. Make the most of it he said. As is normal when I get myself in a tizz about things, I forget to pray. I am always ready to pray for thanks, very rarely asking for anything. So yesterday, I sat myself down and prayed - just handed it over. God will take my worry from me. It's a good feeling. It doens't mean I feel any less concern about not having work, just makes the problem seem shared, and not so dire anymore. This has happened many times in the last three years, and the situation has always resolved itself. Working my kind of job, is beyond my control. I don't know when I will work. I don't know how often I'll work. I only know that when I do work, I get paid well. It's a big tradeoff, but one I was willing to buy into. It's just something that the control freak in me finds a little difficult to deal with sometimes. And God helps smooth those edges for me. I don't control everything. The school could have any number of reasons for not ringing me at this stage.
* no-one is ill
* if a contract teacher's contract wasn't renewed from last year, they would get called before me, especially if it's a teacher who has worked there in a permanent capacity.
Things will change, when teachers become ill, or the previous contract teachers find other contracts to fill. I know I have a niche. Patience!
Hump day again. Where does the week go?
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