Relaxing..........it's a lovely change.

Well some of the time anyway. Having teens and preteens I feel like is spend much of my time driving around. I'm so glad I changed to a little car. My fuel bill would be horrendous otherwise.
I've actually been playing games on the iPad. Sitting down and relaxing and playing stupid time wasting games and it's such fun. I've been playing Hunger Games Adventures, Dragon Keeper, Dragon Story, Dragon Vale and Camelot. Having fun feeding and breeding beautiful dragons and building an empire as well as setting myself up to win the Hunger Games. Useless, nonsensical stuff, but it feels great to just sit and play.
Today we had our Movie Day. We buy a movie on Apple TV, the kids get to pick a takeaway and we sit in the lounge and eat and watch. I'm being healthy so enjoyed my strawberries, yoghurt and LSA while the kids ate KFC and pizza. It cost me $28!!!! Such a great bargain and we are all at home. We watched 'Marvel Avengers'. It wasn't my pick but it was quite a good movie. Most impressive on the big plasma screen. It went for almost two and a half hours so great value too.
Sammy, Mickey and Bunny are off to visit a friend tomorrow for a long weekend. Billy-Joe and I are staying home. We're planning a fun weekend together. We will fit in a driving lesson, some nice food and a movie or two. I'd like to see 'Hunger Games' and also 'Red Dog'.
Next week I'm back at uni. So back working on my last assignment and prepping for my exam.
Health wise, I'm picking up. I'm not as weary and am tolerating the iron tablets without side effects. I started on my new arthritis drug last week which make me feel dreadful for a day but it's all good now. I take it fortnightly. I hope this one helps. I've stopped taking my anti inflammatories as I don't think they help with my weight. I'm in more pain but am hoping the Humira will kick in soonish. I've been careful with my food and have been back on the exercise bike. Am feeling good in my head about it even though there's no results on the scales yet. I don't want to go to Africa plump. I was fat and forty and I vowed and declared I wouldn't be fat and fifty. Thank God my BP and cholesterol and sugar levels are all good. With Dad's history and the fact I'm large around the waist makes we worry about heart disease and diabetes.

I believe that the implications of high blood pressure and diabetes are so underplayed it's scary. Until my nursing studies I knew that both conditions weren't good and I knew what the complications could be. However I had no idea how serious and pervasive the conditions were. Both high blood pressure and diabetes scare the living day lights out of me. I was amazed when on Prac ow prevalent these conditions are and how it complicates everything else. None of the tv campaigns give the conditions enough emphasis on their gravity and I don't believe GPs do either. Then again it's possibly because people are so damn complacent about their health.

Dinner is porterhouse steak cooked on the BBQ with potato gems and a salad with baby cos, red onion, Sundried tomatoes, sunflower seeds, feta cheese cucumber and dressed with extra virgin olive oil and apple cider vinegar. Simple and delicious. I threw on some sunflower seeds and craisins too. Peter is picking up Billy-Joe ( I've had wine and have opted not to be chauffeur for a change) and I'm updating my blog and listening to Adele.
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Holidays! At last......

I'm so glad to be on a break. I'm still taking kids to school etc, but getting up early means I'm utilizing my time well which is a bonus.

I'm two thirds through a major essay which I'm just stoked about. We had to choose a case study to work on and I chose a myocardial infarction. I don't know if it's got something to do with Dad, but I'm so drawn to all things cardiac. I loved my time on the Cardiac ward and hope to be able to work in the cardiac care unit which has those patients who require closer observation and monitoring.

I'm also considering putting a preference down for DEM. I've never considered emergency nursing before but am interested. It's like when I was on placement for teaching. I was initially petrified of working with the older children and yet it was the older children I much prefer to teach. I would never have thought that at the outset. I'm thinking emergency nursing is having the same impact on me......so I'm a bit more open to it now. Since alerting the staff to the patient I was looking after who went into acute pulmonary oedema twice!! Now that was an amazing feeling. Firstly because I was the one who knew something was wrong and I catheterized my first patient under emergency conditions. I kept my cool. It was incredible to be a part of.

I'm happy to report that it's the fourth day in a row that I've not had a nap in the afternoon (or midmorning). Saturday I felt almost back to normal. I am quite excited about it. Especially as this week are holidays and I'm using my time productively and not in my bed!!!!

Today, as well as study, I've cleaned the stove top and range hood. I also emptied out the spice rag and washed it and wiped down all the bottles. I still have to do the shelves in the kitchen. I also took down two lots of blinds that needed fixing. Two years ago I'd bought these beautiful cedar blinds which I love. However, the two twerps have wrecked them and then Rusty has also broken some slats. The end result was that the front of my home looked like a little haunted house. I hate broken stuff. It looks daggy and uncared for. I have to get Bunny to lengthen the string so the blinds can go down to the sill. If they can't, then it's okay as I'm going to leave them up a bit all the time so Rusty can still go onto the sill without bending slats!!! The kids are bigger now so hopefully they won't break anymore!! Rusty has broken a slat on my bedroom window but thankfully it's not on the front of the house.

There are less than 90 days till I go to Tanzania. I put in my passport application yesterday. I'm starting to get excited. I'm saving money like crazy. Like crazy, not in that I'm saving heaps because I don't have heaps to save but like crazy in the regard that I'm not spending money like I normally would. This semester I've not bought a single lunch at uni. I take my lunch, I even take my tea bag, milk and a thermos cup of coffees for the early started. The only money I spend during the week is my dinner with Barbi on a Friday night and milk or veggies that we need. Makes me realize how frugal I can be.

I need a new iPhone case as the el cheapo one I bought looks old and worn. I went back to my previous el cheapo case that doesn't look as bad. Because I had a flip case and I don't want to use screen protectors anymore I had to make a case for it.













I love cats as my friends all know. I also love meerkats. So I'll leave you with my current iPad wallpaper.



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Update

It's Fathers' Day Eve. Tomorrow will be another celebratory day without my Dad. Leading up to it, it's affected me more deeply than the other days, more than Dad's birthday. Now I've reconciled myself to the fact the day is to honour all Dads. Those alive and those who've gone to heaven like my beloved father. This morning we went and saw Peter's Dad. I was hesitant but it was a lovely morning. We sat outside and enjoyed the spring sunshine. Such a glorious day. Tomorrow Mum is coming and we are having a BBQ and celebrating as always. Mum and I were reluctant to do the normal thing, but Peter in his wisdom suggested that we do it. We can cry and then drink wine and enjoy being together. So now Mum is coming too. And I'm pleased.
I'm still spending 2/3 of my life sleeping. My tests showed that I'm anaemic. I've still got to go through tests to hopefully confirm it's not due to blood loss. Since I've not had a period in nine or so years, the alternative option is being investigated and of course I'm praying that all is good with my bowel. I'm pretty sure it is as I've no symptoms of losing blood from there. Fingers and feet crossed too. With the untreated arthritis and the last blood donation it's tipped me over the edge. I'm sick of being so tired though. I nap so much and have no time for anything other than study, chores, kids and sleep. Not good. Life is far to precious and I feel like I'm wasting it at the moment.
Mum is in her new home. It's just gorgeous. Very quaint and she's happy which is such a blessing. Now she needs a holiday.
Billy-Joe's driving lessons are going well. It's special time that we spend together. We share a treat afterwards. Today we had a McFlurry. Yummy. Maltesers, chocolate, and ice cream.
Study is going well. Thank God this semester is an easy one. I can afford sleep time lol. So far a distinction for an exam, full marks for an online discussion on ethics, a comparative essay on euthanasia from two different ethical standpoints and everything is up to date and cruising along.
In the next week or so I'll put in my passport application. My photo is butt ugly. I was so upset. Had I lots of spare money I would have had it done elsewhere. But it would be a waste so I've decided to go ahead with these gross photos. Everyone has tried to make me feel better by assuring me that all passport photos are ugly. I don't agree. This is my third passport and my other two have lovely photos in them. You know how can look back on old photos and think, 'I didn't look too bad back then'. Well, of I ever do that with my current passport photo I'd be shattered. It's that bad.





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Warning: Whine Alert

And sadly it's not of the red or white type !!

I am still so incredibly weary. Bone weary. At the point where when I'm walking up stairs I'm dragging myself up them. And then already thinking that I need the energy to go back down them!!  I'm not picking up. I'm eating really well have started taking multi vitamins and a tonic and all I can think of is when can I next lie down. I sleep well for most of the night and then have at least a half hour kip if I can manage it. If I have a day at home I may even sleep for up to two hours. Seems like such a waste of time. Especially when I've been like this now for six weeks.

Added to that my pain levels with my chronic Achilles tendinitis is increasing. I've spent $600 on new orthotics and have honestly had no benefits whatsoever. My tendons are permanently swollen and the pain radiates up my entire calf. I almost hobble each time I get up of an evening once I've been sitting for a bit as everything has begun to cease up even more.

On a brighter note my secondary hypertension has resolved itself as I'm no longer on the Simponi. I'm waiting for a referral for Humira to be approved. It's almost two months since I've had the arthritis drug. That wouldn't help my pain levels. Last time I gave blood my iron levels were okay but not great. I don't think they're low enough to create this level of fatigue though.

This semester is thankfully lighter but I feel so lousy I've only been able to appreciate it as it means I can rest more.

I need to go back to the dr.  I need energy. I'm doing the bare minimum at home and with my study. It's not how I like to operate.

Changes

Mum moves into her new unit tomorrow. She's still doing amazingly well. I keep thinking maybe she will fall in a heap but she's strong and positive and doing great on her own. Really amazing stuff when you consider she's been with Dad since she was 12 years old. Mum never had an adult life without Dad. I've been pleased that I live close by and have been able to help her but she's done so much on her own. Especially when the initial devastation of new grief eased a bit.

We took a couple of car loads around today. The unit looks lovely and I'm sure Mum will feel safe, comfortable and happy there.


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Worn out!!

At the moment I have two speeds. Full steam ahead, or fast asleep. Not much in between at all. Actually it's been going on since I finished placement and I think I need to see the doctor next week. 


It's just been so full on, with study and family, that when I have some downtime, I need to sleep. I'm sleeping well at nights, and if I have a day spare, I just sleep. This morning I got up, felt okay after 7.5 hours sleep, had breakfast and then went back to bed and slept and dozed until 3pm!!! What a waste of a day. I feel a bit better but not wonderful. My sleeps are just keeping me going. 


I know part of the problem is my eating. I've been craving sugar of late, and giving in. It's all I feel like. I'd much rather a bowl of cereal than a ham sandwich. Chocolate has also been beckoning me too. Not large amounts, but a little everyday. I've not had time, or energy to exercise of late, so I know this is something I have to address too. But it's more than that. Perhaps I need some tonic, or vitamins or something. Not sure. 


I'm happy, enjoying my studies, enjoying my home and family. But I'm tired. Even now I've made the week's school lunches and showered and I could head back to sleep when that's all I've basically done all day anyway. I've been otherwise healthy. I've avoided colds and 'flus so far. My pain levels are as low as they have been but I'm managing that. I'm waiting for a new script to come through to try a new injection for the arthritis. My legs are giving me a lot of problem with the chronic achilles tendonitis having flared up dreadfully since placement. Yesterday I wore boots with a heel and the shortening of the muscle and tendon helped greatly. However I need to go back to the podiatrist. The new orthotics cost well over $500 and I've had no improvement at all over my old ones. Money I didn't have to spend, but I'd decided the orthotics were important.


I was planning on going to the next Daisy's retreat, but after having decided that in my head, omitted to tell Barbi that I was coming. I'd left it too late and now won't go. I'm fine with that. There are heaps of others ahead of me on the list, and they need the weekend. My time at home is fairly peaceful and with craving the rest, it suits me too. I've made some other arrangements to catch up with friends whom I don't see very often. 


It's been a busy week. With tending to my own life/commitments/study/chores/errands, and then of course fitting in the needs of my family around them, I've been busy. 


I'll finish this now and tilt my head back on the bed...........

Full House

Mickey is thankfully feeling good today. Bunny and I had a party for two last night. Billy-Joe wanted a mate to stay over but we wanted an evening together so we went downstairs. We ate a yummy dinner of steak, salad, BBQ sliced potatoes and garlic toast. Include some loving, lots of wine, loud music (even danced to Boz Scaggs' Silk Degrees). Didn't come upstairs until after midnight. Feels like we've not seen each other for weeks. With me studying for exams and then on shift work and working full time last night was needed by both of us.

My tiny lounge is full of bodies. They're having a great time playing x box. I've just had my porridge after a huge sleep in. I feel so much better. Ready to tackle a week of 7am starts now.

Back to uni after next week. I'm looking forward to it and will enjoy learning more and having an easier pace for a while.








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Nurse Mama

It's been a huge week and I'm not sorry that it's over. I'm beginning to feel ready to take on more responsibility with my placement. I'll ask if I can have three patients next week. It's a fine line between having patients who are just 'routine' to look after and those whose condition worsens during your shift. Naturally they need all your time and there's nothing left for the other patients who I'm sure feel neglected. And yet when I've had two who are either refusing treatment or are happy just resting, there's not much to do. At least now I've seen that it's not always crazy busy because up until the last two days the ward has been flat chat. I know too, that as I become more proficient then everything I do will take less time. I'm so glad though that I haven't felt rushed at all. That was a big fear of mine and when all my learning is still so new, if placed under pressure what little knowledge and skills I have, would simply desert me. All the RNs I've worked with have not rushed me or made me feel inadequate which has been great for my learning. This means I'm not nervous whenever I try something new. I feel comfortable giving injections now. I'd like more experience with setting up IVs.


Last night I finished and Leanne and I ducked into Maccas for a quick bite before we headed home. I'm always so hot and sweaty after my shift and sitting outside was lovely. It's unseasonably warm at the moment. I'm currently in shirt sleeves and the ceiling fan is on. The Sunshine Coast has forgotten that it's actually winter.
I came home, showered and enjoyed a cup of tea. It was about 12.30am when I went to bed. I was weary and looking forward to a sleep in. About an hour later, Mickey came into my room and said he wasn't feeling well. So the night was filled with comforting him whilst his head was in a bucket and his bottom over the toilet. We had a broken night and when I got up before 11am I felt so hungover as if I'd been to a party and drunk too much.
I cut all their hair today, something which has been desperately needed for ages. I'm rapt that the boys like it when I cut their hair myself. It surprises me they they do actually. Sammy's is so hard to cut though, as he likes it over his ears and they stick out s little. His was soooo long we could have tied it up. Slack Mama. Not really. Very busy Mama.
I want to read up in my new Magic Lantern book about my Canon 60D but am getting sleepier by the second. I may lie down a bit and come back to it.
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A day of respite

Today I had a day off from the hospital.

Just prior to prac, I checked my BP again and I wasn't impressed as it's still too high. So my GP changed my blood pressure medication from a calcium channel blocker to an angiotensin receptor blocker. I've not seen any change at all. Yesterday I got Paul to check it for me and it was almost 150/95 and my pulse was over 100. Admittedly I was incredibly busy, but still!! It was at that level when I'd checked it in the morning too, and I was only sitting quietly then.

I've hit a wall, I think too. I went to my GP today and stayed home. I spent most of today in bed. I ate breakfast and cooked and ate dinner and just snoozed. I feel much better for it this evening. My BP is still too high though. My kidney function is okay, as I checked on my latest blood tests while I was there

I've given myself permission to just take it easy today. My placement is going really really well. I've gained the respect of the RNs on the ward and this has given a much needed boost of confidence. My facilitator, Paul says I'm too hard on myself. I don't think I am because I know what I'm capable of when I put my mind to something. The new strategy I employed at the beginning of the last semester held me in good stead as my marks were really good. The semester was tough, and my lowest mark was a Distinction for Pathophysiology!! I got High Distinctions for my other subjects. I'm so happy with that. All the hard work paid off. No weekend was without study and while I was hoping to inspire my kids into university, all I did was shy them away from the thought of further study as they felt I was working far too hard. Oh well, hopefully when I graduate they'll see the reward I get, plus the fact that I love what I do.

The last seven months or so, haven't been easy. I've not 'dropped my bundle' at all.......and as I know myself well, today I just needed to stop.

This was taken on Saturday. We had a fundraising dinner for our Tanzania trip, which I helped organise and run. It was a fun night.

This is from orientation day. Libby, myself and Mariana. Should have taken more pics as this one is lousy from my iPhone. 

Oooh, almost forgot on the weekend, I picked up my new camera. I bought the Canon 60D. My 'everyday' lens on my 450D is broken, and while I didn't want to buy a replacement kit lens, I added more $$$$ and bought a new entire camera. Can't wait to learn more about using it. I ordered a Magic Lantern book about it. I'd like to use it a fair bit before I go away.

So much to write, and not enough time.....

I'm in my third week of placement in a cardiac/renal ward. It's an amazing experience and I'm learning so very much. I don't even know where to begin.

• I've been allocated two patients per shift and they're my full responsibility. Strangely enough, I've always managed to get quite ill ones, who aren't just straight forward. 
• I'm amazed how sick our patients are. And how old they are.
• Comorbidities abound.
• Still grappling with writing observation notes, although the skill is developing 
• Becoming more efficient at taking obs
• Love the nurse/patient interaction
• I don't ever feel stressed or flustered
• Have no idea how I'm going to look after six patients 
• Love watching procedures
• Am amazed at how well my feet and back cope. I find it easier walking and being on my feet for an entire shift than I do sitting and studying.
• Feel like a part of the nursing team and my work is acknowledged which is awesome
• The late shifts are more demanding, but also more interesting
• Both shifts go so incredibly quickly
• I've watched an angiogram, dialysis, insertion of a vas cath, have inserted a catheter, have given numerous injections, have given IV push antibiotics, have set up a fluid IV, have administered oxygen, I've preempted a patient crashing twice, and then been there to stabilise him. 
• I find working on the ward very hot. The shirt is hot and my pants are hot too. 
• The long walk to and from my car is doing me good. 
• I have to remember to drink a lot of water.
• I feel privileged to look after these sick people.

A lousy post I know, but it was better than nothing.....

Overwhelmed...........

I am sitting here, relaxing for about a half hour before I get ready to go on placement again. I've done the online groceries, looked up some information about drugs I'm interested in and have tidied a little. The littlies are staying at a friends' place tonight, so the house is quiet.

Yesterday was my first day on placement. To say I felt overwhelmed was an understatement. I actually searched for a word that meant the same as overwhelmed but in noun form, so I could title my blog with it, but I couldn't find a replacement word. I'm keeping reflective journal of my days, which I may make public, depending on how much I add into it. Suffice to say, that within the first couple of hours on the ward, I'd questioned my decision.  What on God's earth was I doing here??? Added to that, the first few sets of obs I took were so wrong, that I questioned myself first before I considered that there was something wrong with my patient. I was rapt to discover that I'd made a discovery that day, and my patient was moved into a more intensive ward, where she could be monitored more closely. Another person I looked after, I could get her bp and the RN couldn't hear it, so I was stoked. I thank my own secondary hypertension or the fact that I can operate a manual sphygmomanometer.

I had a huge headache all day yesterday which so far is being kept at bay today. I started on new antihypertensives yesterday and my head felt like it was in a vice for the entire day. I'm praying it continues as it will make my day easier and less stressful.

My Dad would have been 82 today! Dear Dad, the first birthday where you're in heaven. I miss you so very very deeply and think of you everyday. I kiss your photo beside my bed and remember the funny things you've done. You're so alive in my heart and in my thoughts that I find it almost unbearable when I want to tell you something, or ring you and you're no longer here........

I love you Dad. I miss you so much.
Always and forever,
your daughter
Jenny xoxoxoxo

A little down time

It hasn't really been down time, but what I'm having to do is not stressful and I'm enjoying the break from study.


The exams were hard. Actually one was okay and I think I did fairly well. It was based on illnesses and the nursing care associated with those. The other exam, pathophysiology was a difficult one. It was 60 multiple choice and an essay on diabetes. The essay would have saved me. I found the multiple choice filled with obscure questions. Thank God I remembered the sample ones off by heart as quite a few were in there. My essay flowed, it had an intro and a conclusion, and had the information they wanted. Whether it's written in a 'sciencey' way that's good enough for them, I don't know. I used all the correct terminology, I didn't dumb it down completely, but my science minded friends' essays would be lots more complex than mine.  It took me an hour and a half to write it. Which is ridiculous for a two hour exam time period. Mel, didn't even get hers finished. She's so incredibly smart, but reads quite slowly, and also writes slowly too. So far in uni she always takes her Macbook and I've never seen her handwrite anything, other than in the lab doing a drug calculation. Seems unfair to be penalised for having to handwrite something. I wrote almost seven pages. Ridiculous. I'm so relieved it's done and if I didn't hope I could sell it, I'd burn my lab coat and text book. I never want to look at either ever again. The subject content was fascinating. The delivery and assessment requirements were so far removed from the learning outcomes that a nurse requires, it was almost nonsensical. And damn hard. Next semester the subjects, are all nursing related. No science.......yayyyyy..........  Only three subjects too, so I'll have a life other than uni, which will be awesome. Now to wait for the grades. So grateful that patho  exam wasn't a hurdle task as I know I've passed the subject, but I wouldn't be so sure if I had to pass the exam in order to do so.

Of course while all this is going on, there's my life as a Mama, wife, daughter and friend. Sadly, I couldn't give my friends the time that they deserve, or that I wanted, but they understand it's a short term thing. I'm glad I still went to Daisy's most Friday nights, so could catch up with my friends there. I still was a good Mama to the kids, and made sure they helped out, even though that is often a stress in itself, it's an important lessons for them and a huge help for me. I was always there for my husband, and he's not the type who requires lots of attention, as such. But I always made sure we talked, and that I was affectionate toward him. He would snap me out of my melancholy if I was feeling over stressed and ground me again. I was able to spend some time with Mum each week. I'm glad I made that time. It's not been an easy six months for her and she needs me, and I need her too. She's sold the house and has bought a unit in a retirement village. It's currently being renovated, so, she's been very busy, and extremely emotional. This time is turbulent, both sad and happy........not easy for her at all. Not when you think she's had Dad there for her for her entire adult life, and even before that.....

My uni friends have been great. So good, having a few girls who are smart and work as hard as I do. I've learned a lot from them.  I've learned to slow down and be more analytical. I've learned it's okay if I don't understand something right away. I've also learned that I'm not as smart as they are, so I pick up on skills that they have which I can adopt. I'm also pleased that my house is tiny, as it's been sadly neglected. I can't remember the last time I vacuumed and while the kids do it regularly, I dare say the job isn't as good as mine would be. (And I'm not that fantastic, Peter is great, but too busy for me to ask him to do it very often.) But everyone was loved, kept clean, warm and fed. Thinking that my hard work would perhaps inspire my kids that it's something they can pursue later on, has backfired. Sammy feels sympathy for me all the time when he sees me study and Billy-Joe has dropped his OP subjects because he can't ever see himself working as hard as I am. Sad really...........but like I said to them, it's something they can always consider later on down the track.

I've not had time to go to church at all. Quite often by Sunday, I've still got so many chores to do, and study, and an hour or two free in the afternoon was something I could have if I did my jobs. And that was a maybe. Most Sundays, I worked anyway..........  God was with me every step of the way though, as I always went to him in prayer. Both for support and gratitude.

Next Monday, I commence four weeks on placement. I've not really thought too much about it as yet. If I did, I think I'd freak out. All the skills I've gained in the last twelve months will now be put to use on a real live person!!!! That includes giving injections and meds. I'm looking forward to doing that, and just pray that I won't have the syringe in the kidney dish rattling so loudly that the patient knows I'm petrified lol......  I'm really anticipating a lot of learning to be consolidated. I forget things as they're not in use and I want to be able to use skills and not feel like I'm always looking for the info in the back of my memory somewhere. In a way I'm glad I give myself an injection each month, although I don't know how much help that is. At least I know I won't hurt them, but then again, often it's the medication and not the needle that actually causes the pain.

Tanzania is looming too. We are having a dinner at the university in two weeks and it's one of our biggest fundraisers to date. My entire family is going, including Mum, Julia and Kiana. It should be a fun night. Leonie, the lecturer who's leading all this is amazing. I had to hug her yesterday because she is doing so much for us, and I really appreciate all the time that it is taking, and how much she is doing on her own. My personal fundraising is going okay. Slowly but surely it's adding up. Once I pay for my ticket and passport I think I'll really believe that I'm going. I mean I know I'm going, but so far it feels quite surreal.

I'm tired and feeling drained. My neck and shoulder has given me trouble, probably from the hour and a half long essay I had to write, because I held the same position for too long. My physiotherapist has become my friend over the years she's treated me, and I'm blessed that she saw me at home on Monday as I was in a lot of pain. So what's left of the week will be spent catching up with friends, spending time with my kids, and resting.

The hardest one

Last year, during my first semester back to formal study, I was quite concerned with the amount of information I had to process for anatomy and physiology. I got a Distinction for that subject!! I'm still stunned about that as it was so difficult. This semester amongst other subjects, of course - I've been doing Pathophysiology. I was quite looking forward to this as I'm so interested in what the pathology is behind various diseases and illnesses. Sadly this subject is presented by a set of scientists and not nurses!! Actually the two or three good lectures were presented by a doctor, who was our lecturer last year. She's fabulous. Presents content in a coherent and orderly manner, and presents it from a clinical point of view, and not a 'mad scientist's' point of view. 

A group of us, all with prior degrees will be posting our evaluations and they won't be favourable. From a teaching point of view the learning objectives are not aimed toward a paramedic or a nurse!! There are hundreds of us doing this subject and it's been running for a few years. The complaints have been regular but nothing has been done.............

Anyway, as per usual, I digress. Today is that exam. There will be 60 multiple choice questions. I'll have about a 25% chance of getting the correct answer lol.......  40% of the exam is an essay on diabetes. Not just a long answer question, but a full blown essay, complete with introduction and conclusion. They want so much information included that's just not possible to include within an hour time frame or within the recommended 1000 word limit. I've written a copy of mine, and without intro and conclusion and with some sections I'm quite au fait with, I've just put notes, and it came to almost 1200 words!!! Some of my friends, who have prior science degrees have written theirs in 2000 words!!!! There's no way they will have time to write that in the allotted time. 

Thankfully this exam isn't a hurdle task. This means that you don't need to pass the exam to pass the subject. With my marks so far (which aren't great) I don't need to do much correct in order to pass the subject. My heart goes out to people who haven't passed anything so far........and I think there are quite a few............  To do this subject again, would be horrible. I've had to wear a lab coat during laboratory sessions. I can't wait to sell it. If my textbook hadn't been so expensive, I'd burn it with a ceremony of thankfulness...........

I'm not a 'stresshead'! I don't generally feel any angst toward exams, nor do I feel ill. Having said that............I've lost hair. I have a bald patch, which I have to cover with a comb over lol.......The only other time that's happened is after I'd had Mickey and I was a new Mama to three kids. 

Dear Lord, help me today, fill me with peace, comfort me as I know I need to feel relaxed when I enter the exam venue this evening. Allow me to work through the questions and find the knowledge in my brain.  

Amen. 

Update

There's only one more week left in the semester. I am very happy that I made it. From here on in it's study and exams. Oh and one more assignment to finish but the end is certainly in sight. Updates....

Mum has put a deposit on a unit in a retirement village. She will put her house on the market next week. She's excited and day to move on to the next phase of her life.

I had a day at home today and ended up doing no study. I slept in till 10.30am. Tidied, went to the shops and bought fruit and veggies, spoke to a friend on Skype about our studies, spoke to Billy-Joe about his school concerns.

Cooked a yummy poached chicken dish will polenta and roast tomatoes and rocket.

Bought the James Morrison album which is just brilliant.

Went to bed early planning to study heaps tomorrow.


This cat makes himself comfy anywhere. Even inside Billy-Joe's jammies.

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Mind is whirling

I'm so excited about going on prac at the end of next month. I'm also petrified. For me, that prac is crunch time. It will make or break me. Let's face it, I've been at uni for almost a year, and yet haven't set foot inside a hospital to work yet. Aged care, is no comparison. Not to belittle that job, but it's not where I want to be, (plus I'd like to see huge changes there).

I need to teach myself to stop, slow down, slow my thinking down, and become methodical and rational. It's something that really scares me. I'm scared, that when someone asks me something, I won't answer, or, worse, something happens and I can't act fast enough. I know, at this stage, it's not my role to be saving all the cardiac arrests, or respiratory arrests, but I'm praying that I have the wherewithal to act promptly and appropriately. I know I'm not going to fall in a heap crying, or in panic, but I don't want to go blank either.

Surely, if I talk to my Prac teacher, and read up before hand, that can help my confidence a little. While I can't diagnose off an ECG of course, I can tell when something is wrong.

If I'm nervous now, what's the morning I start going to be like?

Doctor or Nurse

I'm so pleased that I'm going to be a nurse. Although if you were present at my lecture this morning, (and others from the same subject) you'd be excused from thinking I was doing medicine.

I'm tired. So very tired. Sometimes I question my sanity. When I finish my studies I want to work full time. I wonder if I'll be able to do it. Physically and emotionally able. Thank God I can always work less hours, but my plan is to work full time. I want to make the most of my studies. I want to learn as much as I can. I don't want to just work to make money. I want a career.
How many people at my age start an entirely new career? Most times I don't feel my age. It's just a number after all. (Ssssshhhhh that's what I have to keep telling myself).

The lecture today on inflammation was so OTT. I switched off about half way through. One hour of listening to a monotonal diatribe (not really correct grammar but humor me) was enough to turn me off immunology for life. I get prostaglandins and histamines. I don't want anything more...........

No wonder I do great in the nursing subjects and crap in the science based ones. Well not totally crap because many have failed the assignments and I've passed them all. Not brilliantly but beyond a pass. I just want the exam to be over. I hate how the subject is organized too. From a teaching perspective it misses the mark, and from a nursing perspective it's just overkill. I keep telling myself that I will make a great nurse, just not a good scientist and I'm okay with that. A girl I know who does brilliantly at everything didn't do so well with her Drug Therapy workbook. I feel so elated that I got a HD. She wrote a high level academic paper. I replied to the questions as a nurse and advocate for my patient. I'm rapt with my mark as I know I'm on the right track. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

We are learning about so many different areas and are probably getting a large chunk if everything. I want to be in my area of nursing and specialize in that area. I know I'll have a good grasp of everything relating to that area.
At the moment I don't know where that will be. My placement in July will be in a Medical/Coronary Care ward. I'm excited about that. I want to become au fait with ECGs and all that goes with it. I've already made a list of the the I want to practice and revise prior to then.

I know that in the end, the main thing is that I learn and feel comfortable with what is required of me. I know to be on the look out for adverse effects of drugs and signs that someone is deteriorating. Whether Or not I can write an academic paper on that will thankfully become immaterial.

So it's with those thoughts that I console myself today. I will get there.
And I am so happy that Pathophysiology is my last science driven subject.
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Update

It's been another huge day. I enjoy being busy, but I so love sitting down at the end of the day.

This morning I was in the nursing lab at uni by 8am and then came home and picked up Sammy. We had his interview for high school next year. I can't believe that the child I worried about the most and protected so much and supported so much with the school's involvement is actually getting ready to attend high school next year. He's ready to tackle it and is ready for the challenges ahead. He's learned so much. I feel confident that he'll be okay. He found out last week that he was ASD. I've never sat him down to explain his 'diagnosis'. The label was needed for funding, so that he could have support all through primary school. I never told him as he never asked. I didn't want him to feel different or 'dumb' as the kids put it. He was upset though when he read the letter (that was addressed to me) and thought that ASD meant something really bad. In many ways Sammy is still quite young and it obviously never occurred to him that having extra help in the classroom was not the norm. I've had support for him since he was under four years old. Other mothers may not even have picked it up, but I'm so glad I did. He's still quirky, sees the world in a different way to most others but his uniqueness is a beautiful quality. I would not change him for anything but I want him to have the skills necessary to function confidently but also to know the right time and place to be as brutally honest as he is. The assistant to the principal made Sammy feel very comfortable and was amused with some of his responses.

Afterwards we drive to Maleny to take my MacBook to be fixed. I should have taken it there all along. It was 15/3 when I first took it to the other store and the computer is even worse than before. Sam was awesome at the store and I won't ever try another store. Apparently they've heard some interesting stories from the other store. Sammy and I had lunch. It was nice but too much food and too expensive. Ah well Sammy enjoyed it.

This afternoon I had parent teacher interviews for Billy-Joe. We just chose the teachers that gave great comments for behavior and attitude, but only good or satisfactory for the academic levels achieved. They all said the same thing, that he doesn't put the depth of knowledge into his assessments and assignments that are expected. It's exactly what I always say too, so it was awesome to have them say the same.




Gorgeous flower over a fence. I think it's a huge chrysanthemum. I love the color of it.




Humongous burger that Sammy had for lunch.




This rose is very special. At Dad's 80th we had one on the table. One of his friends brought it. I fell in love with it, especially when they told me it was a 'Yellow Bunny'. They gave me a cutting and now I have a bush too. It's blooming for you and I Dad. Xx

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Health

I'm always so watchful of my health. It's something I guard and watch over. Not obsessively but sensibly.

I had a flu vax on Monday. The doctor told me it was free because of my aaaa...... I was nearly ready to be sad then, until he said arthritis and not age lol.

The nurse took my BP. It was high. Too high. I've not seen figures like that since I was pregnant with Mickey.

So, I've been monitoring it all week. It's still too high.


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Time is precious.

I'm just so acutely aware of how precious time is. Perhaps it's to do with the fact I'm getting older, time is whizzing by and yet I have so much I've yet to achieve in my life.
When the kids were little, I never thought I'd have this zest and zeal for a life of my own back. From the day I suspected I was pregnant with Billy-Joe my life changed irrevocably forever. In an instant I lost my selfishness and my whole life was no longer about me.
In the next 13 or so years of motherhood and two more kidlets I didn't think much about the future. Each day was about looking after my kids and my family and keeping myself as healthy as I could so I could cope with it all. Now that I've found my individuality again and now that I'm more than Mum, wife, cook and organizer I'm keenly aware that as I approach my 50th birthday that I have so much I still want to do and achieve for Me!! Sure, my family will benefit from some of it, as far as financial stability and gain goes, but for the most part this university degree is for me. I've become selfish again and with my family's blessing can pursue this new adventure and direction that my life is taking.
Stay with me, as I realize once again I've digressed, there is a point to this message.
This morning I head out to pick up my MacBook that has been in the service department of a computer store for two weeks. It has a new battery and a new cooling component fitted. I head out to the store where I dropped it off, and it's closed!!! I checked the shop hours with the technician yesterday, so someone has given me wrong information. After a quick phone call they told me that the sister store was open, not the one where I was. They'd not specified that! As I was already out and about, I headed out to the other shop. There I picked up my MacBook and thankfully I decided to stop into MaccyDs to have a coffee. Within ten minutes the computer crashed!! I took it back to the store and left it with them. I arrived back home, three hours (emptyhanded) after I'd left it for my unplanned tour of the coast.
I felt like I'd wasted three hours of my life. I wasn't angry, just a little disappointed.
Age can be wonderful at times. I don't have anger within me. I wasn't angry at the guys in the store, wasn't angry when I recounted the events to my husband. I was just a little sorry I'd lost three hours. I believe it's a gift to not have anger. I feel a peace within me which is palpable. I'm not sure what caused it. God, age, contentment, happiness? I'm not sure, a huge combination of all of those I think.
Instead of anger I drove around loving the fact I have a new little car, the day was glorious after all the rain we've had. I don't miss anger. Anger hurts and eats away at your insides. Anger wouldn't make my MacBook fixed. Anger would only damage.
I'm grateful for the peace.
I hope you have peace in your heart too.
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Work Smarter and Harder

I got two assignments back today. I'm a little flat. One I got a Distinction in and the other I'd originally failed. Then I showed the tutor that I had done a section and she gave me the additional marks so now I've passed. I've only ever done poorly once on an assignment. The sad thing is that it wasn't a difficult assessment piece. But I didn't answer the question properly. Mind you, many failed as they missed the point completely. I'm disappointed in myself. The other assignment I should have got a HD. It was difficult either, but it was time consuming.

So I've decided to work harder. I need to pay more attention to detail so that I don't miss things.

A busy five hours at uni today. I told the kids I wouldn't be doing much study over the holidays but I will be changing that. A group of us have a presentation to do about barbiturate overdose. We can make a start on that over the holidays.

Again, I'm so grateful that I changed my Prac. I wouldn't be able to physically get everything done otherwise.

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