Update on our last day.

It's been days since I've updated. I've not had the peace and quiet to sit and reflect.

Being back in the town where I was born and where I spent the first 27 years has at times been quite surreal.

Even after 22 years, I still love this town. I still have emotional ties here. With my aunt and uncle, my godmother and the fact I went to school and had my first jobs here. Driving around I enjoy seeing the old buildings, the beautiful heritage buildings in town, the old wool sale yards which are the facade of a modern Westfield shopping centre. Parking is cheap and traffic is light. Along the esplanade is as beautiful as ever calm waters with expensive yachts lazily bobbing upon them. This area is again being upgraded and it's a lovely place for visitors and locals alike.

Were I to drive around here I would still be confident. Actually with a population of over 200000 it's an easy place to get around in. Low traffic, great road systems, make for a more navigable area than home.

My aunt and uncle where we are staying is just down the road from the last place my parents lived before moving to Qld, so this area is especially familiar to me. I was saddened to see the church that Ricky and I went to when we were kids is gone. This church doorstep was also where I landed 32 years ago when I had a head on with a car. It was a Baptist Church. A very conservative one but filled with lovely people. I spent many an outing, from progressive dinner to singing hymns in Melbourne and to the weekly youth group and Sunday Church. I loved it there. Sadly the building isn't there anymore. There's a house there now. I've asked my aunt and she doesn't know what happened to it. I've emailed the council, I hope they can tell me what happened to it. It would have been around 1977 the last time I went there and I can find no reference to it on the web.

I've spent lots of time talking with my aunt and uncle. It's funny, I've spoken hardly any German in the last 30 years and yet it's still there. I guess one never really loses one's first language. It won't matter how old I am they remember me speaking German as a child and therefore I still can. They even speak to Sammy in German. It wouldn't take long for him to pick it ip either, but four days isn't quite long enough for that.

Flying home tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing my boys, friends and family. Love it here but there's no place like home.


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Location:Waurn Ponds, Geelong.

Enjoying our time away

Today I've opted to have a quiet day at home. Laureen has an appointment in Geelong and I decided to stay home and enjoy some quiet downtime. We've been here a week tonight and the time has gone by quickly but we've also packed lots in.

Sammy has been unwell but has just kept going and hasn't let a bad cold and flared up asthma spoil his time in any way.

Laureen's house is awesome. It has the latest mod cons and is centrally heated and spacious. With six of us here it's not crowded. The water out of the taps is regulated so you just turn it on in the shower and when it comes through it's the right temperature. Oh for gas hot water. I love the granite bench tops and the roll out appliance cupboard with the kettle and toaster. The toaster is brilliant. Toasts whatever to perfection. No pale bits around the edges of the bread. The dyson handheld dust buster is amazing but at over $500 is a little expensive for me. With a house this size though it's worth it. The walk in pantry is huge, about the size of a small bathroom. A very comfy and warm house. I've only used the electric blanket a couple of times and not the entire night as the brick house stays so much warmer than our house.

We went and saw the light and sound show at Sovereign Hill. It's the story of the Eureka Stockade. It was absolutely freezing but worth seeing. We went to Sovereign Hill and did a mine tour. It was a new one about a mine in Creswick that had collapsed. Even to date it's the largest gold mine disaster in this country. I enjoyed that tour. It's amazing to think of what the men and their families endured back then. We also had our photo done dressed up in olden day clothes. They will post it so I hope it turned out okay.

We went to Melbourne twice. Once to the Victoria Markets and then again for the Tutankahmen Exhibition. We enjoyed the train travel. Very relaxing. I had my first ride on a tram and nearly caused everyone to fall over like a line of dominoes as I was busy making sure Sammy was holding on and yet I wasn't holding on myself lol. Those things brake suddenly and I went crashing into this poor woman. Thankfully she was okay and accepted my profuse apologies.

Laureen and I went out to dinner one night to an Italian Restaurant which was nice. Sammy wants pad thai so on Friday we are off to introduce Laureen and Geoff to Thai food. Yesterday we went to a beautiful cafe which was in a hotel. It had dark furniture and fireplaces everywhere. The cakes were divine. I met Laureen's girlfriends all fell psych nurses which was so cook to put faces and personalities to their names.

On Saturday we are off to Geelong and I'll stay with my Aunt and Uncle until we fly home on Wednesday.

I'll upload photos when I get home. Just wanted to update before I forgot important info.

I've enjoyed talking to Laureen about nursing. I'm so excited to be doing this course and also petrified to the same degree. She runs her household the same way I do so I really believe that organization is the key.


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Location:Ballarat

Leaving on a jet plane.............NOT!!

Best laid plans of mice and men, and moi lol......

Who would have thought that a cranky volcano in South America could affect little old me sitting here in Queensland. My girlfriend, suggested I buy a lotto ticket. It's the first time I would have flown in six and a half years and the volcano picks this long weekend to spew forth ash.

I thought I was being a tad extravagant by deciding to go away for two weeks. I justified it by saying, I've only been back once in 22 years, and going for a week in 2005 wasn't anywhere near long enough. Added the catalyst of this trip, seeing the Tutankhamen Exhibition in Melbourne Museum, it was a perfect reason to go. Now I'm extremely pleased that I booked it for that long, as it stands now my trip has been cut short by three days!!

All being well we fly out on Wednesday night. Were I flying to Melbourne, I could probably get an earlier flight, but Avalon is easier for Laureen to come and pick me up, and then easier for my Uncle to take us back to the airport. I have gone onto the site to see if I could get an earlier flight, but I can't even access a schedule as it says 'sold out'. The flights to Melbourne are much more expensive too, and funnily enough are still accessible on the web.

I got up last night at 3am and was on hold for an hour to rebook my flight. I felt that I'd have more chance of speaking to someone at that ungodly hour than I would have during the day. This morning I was able to reschedule the airport bus, so all is rebooked.

Now I will keep praying that the ash no longer causes any problems.

Flying or not flying

Can't believe this. The first time I've set foot on an aeroplane and now it looks as though a volcano in Chile may thwart my travel plans.

I know safety is paramount. So it's with prayer and fingers crossed that I go to bed tonight.


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Ramblings for today

It's another busy week. Yesterday we bought dear Bunny another ute. After all the debacle with not being able to borrow the funds earlier this year, things have worked out after all. We feel so blessed to have been offered a vehicle from a family member. A great car that's been well looked after so we know we are buying what we think we've bought. It's a 2002 model triton, nothing real exciting in then larger sense but fabulous for us. Since Dear husband cooked the motor in his old ute he's been desperate to buy another. Having an unreliable car is not good at all. Whenever he was a bit late home I'd worry that it had completely died. His weekly fuel bill was enormous and was having a serious affect on our weekly finances. Bunny doesn't know himself. He's so happy with it and I'm extremely relieved.

I had a suspect mole biopsied last week. The doctor was sure it was a skin cancer. It was certainly only prayer that kept me calm. I always think that my years of sun worshipping will come to bite me. I admit I still like a tan but I don't get burnt, I always wear sun screen, when out in the sun, and thankfully I've kept my face out of the sun for many years now. I curse my spotty skin but am fortunate that my skin on my face is still good. I don't want the tanned leathery look that women my age get when they've had too many years in the sun. It's a shame I didn't stop sunning the rest of me then.

Afterwards I headed out to the uni to organize my Blue Card application. There were hundreds of kids there, young kids not uni kids. I saw the teachers that were supervising them and I felt not a single pang of regret. I absolutely, definitely don't miss teaching. Do I miss the money? Of course I do, but not enough to go back. It's odd though, walking through the campus and not feeling out of place. After a confusing drive to find the admin section I required I was very very excited to learn that the application was free for students. After spending the last few weeks looking at all the expenses I've tallied this was another one of those where you pay money but really get nothing to show for it. I am rapt it's free. I've still got a few other things to organize (and pay for). I need my Hepatitis B shots, a police check and I need to redo my First Aid and CPR courses too. I also need a uniform for pracs and a medical kit. Naturally all those cost money. I've also got my book list and have been sourcing books. I can save some money off the uni book shop by using www.bookdepository.uk. I'll keep an eye out for second hand copies to see if I can get it cheaper.

I had to go into BigW and buy some warm socks and some shoes for when I go away. In also wanted to call in and see one of my best friends who's heading to Brisbane as both her children are having tonsillectomies. I wanted to see her and give her something. Something that would let her know I'm thinking of her but also that someone far greater than Inwas watching over her.

I can't believe it's only five days till Sammy and I go away.

As an aside, I've been taken off HRT. Much to my chagrin and displeasure I might add. I've been on it for quite a long time and have been grateful for it. Now, however my GP decided it's been long enough and that I should try to go without. Easy for you to say! Every time a hot flush would overcome me I'd curse my thirty something male GP. I've some research though and I'm reluctantly agreeing with him. I can't stand these waves of heat, but the possible alternatives aren't worth the risk. I'm taking a herbal concoction which has been purported to have good results. I hope they kick in. The slightest bit of uncertainty or angst can trigger one off as well as the ones that just happen anyway. When I come back from down south I'll review my diet as I know being as healthy as possible is very important. My main concern is that with uni coming up I don't want to have to cope with menopausal symptoms as well as the normal stressors that my extra commitments will add onto my already busy life.





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Super Food Ideas

I love the fact that my iPad is now used for recipes and it's so easy to have on the kitchen bench.

I'd heard that Super Food Ideas was adding an e magazine version but was disappointed as I'd read it was only going to be .50c cheaper than the paper copy.However I was very excited to read on blog that each copy was only $1.19. That's fantastic. I love the way it's set out and it's so cheap. I won't have to throw out an old SFI magazine again. You download the app from the iTunes store for free and then you can buy issues through the app.
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A busy Day

I seem to be doing lots of errands and appointments at the moment. In a way I feel like I'm nesting. Just like I did before my first child was born. I want to get as much organized before I go down south and before I go to uni.

Mum some cake which she wanted to give me so I popped in this morning and had a coffee with them. I had an appointment to have my moles checked. I had to have a biopsy taken of one on my neck as the doctor thinks it's a sun cancer. Hope it comes back clear, otherwise I need more cut out. While there though I got into a conversation with a practice nurse. She's an EEN and feels she's too old to become an RN. I told her I was going to do nursing and asked how old she was. She was the same age as me and she admitted she didn't think I was too old!! Plus I did a spiel on the iPad. I said I gave her lots to think about. She told me one of the receptionists was doing her nursing and I had a quick chat with her before I left. She's in her third year, has a young family and also works. Talking to her gave me heart. I hope to keep in touch with her and talk to her some more. Her girlfriend is doing nursing at USC like me. She's going to put me in touch with her.

Afterwards I headed in to Woolies and picked up some vegetables and had a quick browse in Big W. I then headed out to the new Vinnie's store. For $7.50 I got Sammy a nice lime green beanie, a pink fleecy scarf and a long but short sleeved warm cardigan. With the return of my hot flushes I like my body quite warm but my arms bare. I was rapt with my bargains. I returned home and then checked my Voicemail to hear that my new glasses have arrived. I headed out and collected them. My glasses are blue and green, I love them. My new sunnies are black with a large blingy crystal on the arms. I love both of them and they're quite comfortable too.

Once home I had some left over chicken soup for dinner and continued watching some of the Movie that I'd taped last night. It's based on a Catherine Cookson novel called The Cinder Path

My Dad rang to tell me that he'd possibly broken his wrist as well. Last week, while walking along the road near his home, with the sun in his eyes and a truck coming towards him, he didn't see that there was. Part of the road washed away. The uneven road causes him to fall. He suffered nasty deep cuts in both hands that required several sutures. His wrist is quite so and swollen so today he had an x-ray to see if it's broken. I worry about my parents. Not being able to use his hands, my Dad is quite incapacitated. My Mum hasn't driven much at all in the last ten years and now lacks confidence to even drive short distances. I love my Mum and Dad ao very very much and am worried about them. I naturally want them to be well and safe and happy. I'd feel much better if they lived in a retirement village but my Dad has always baulked at the idea. I'd like it much better if they were in a place that was easier to look after, both inside and outside. I'm glad that I'm close. Ricky is home at the moment. We didn't speak but I know he's worried too. It's our turn now to worry about them.

After school pick up I decided to race onto Specsavers to have my sunnies adjusted. Billy-Joe and Mickey went into EB Games and when I went in to collect them we noticed Ricky and the girls in there. We spent a lovely half hour or so having a coffee with them.

I looked at some sites as I need to do my First Aid and CPR course, have my Hepatitis B shots and also get my blue card done before I can do any nursing practicums.

The house is quiet now. My favourite time of the day.


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I can't do it alone

It's been another busy busy week. Honestly, one wouldn't think I'm a Mum at home, with the schedule that I set myself. Between going to Brisbane for Billy-Joe's appointment and the car being serviced, having to go to uni to have my student id done, and all the general household stuff, it's been a hectic week.

To say I'm scared about studying full time is an understatement. Add in to that the headaches I get, and the pain of my various troublesome tendons and arthritic joints, am I being too optimistic? I think back to when I did my teaching degree, and I spent oodles of money and time having physio and massages. My thoracic spine was giving me lots of trouble then, and is still the same now. Once my head is bent over books for hours at a time, this will only worsen. Am I crazy to think I can have a job where I'm walking and am on my feet all day? Spending the day at Chermside on Wednesday, left me with sore achilles and sore feet.

I could look at all that and think it's too hard I can't do it, but I'm feeling very determined. I look at my motivation for doing this, and they're numerous. I do want to work, I want to do a job where I feel I belong. I want to learn more and be a part of a team to help others. My teaching degree could have fulfilled that, were it not so damn hard to get a permanent job. I did look into what I could do to finish my Special Education degree, as I know having that would assure me of work, not permanent work straight away, but it would greatly increase the chances and I'd be working close to home. I know I am suited to that role, but it's not where my passion is. Honestly I can't really explain why studying full time for two years to become a nurse is more appealing than studying for a Graduate Diploma for Special Ed. I've always been drawn toward nursing, and spending time in hospital with Billy-Joe just made me realize how much all over again.

I know I can't do this alone. I've already lost count of the prayers I've said. There'll be so many more as the load becomes a reality and I'm in the thick of things. In many ways I know I'll cope with the studying okay, it's the added pressures of having a household and family to take care of.

I'm motivated by the thought, that when I'm working, I can employ a cleaner again, that will be a huge help. The kids are getting older and know they need to help me. My husband is getting older and finds the long hours he currently works is getting harder and harder. Me working again, will take the pressure off. I don't think he'll work any less, I just think he'll work the same with the knowledge that if he wants to he can cut back. There's a big difference. I've not worked in the last 18 months and he's working harder than ever. He now sees a light at the end of the tunnel.

I've got a few more weeks to enjoy being at home and to get my head in the right place. My trip to Geelong and Ballarat, is timely. A time to spend with Sammy and my long time long friend. This will fulfill the yearning and homesickness I feel for Geelong. Even after 22 years, I still miss the place. I'm looking forward to so many different things. Clothes shopping, seeing the different foods, seeing the prices of fruit, meat and vegies at the markets, walking around rugged up in a coat, seeing the gardens. I wish it was spring so I could see the flowers that I miss. I was so excited at the florist's the other day when she put out a huge bunch of freesias!!! My absolute favourite flower, I couldn't justify spending $3 for a stem though, ridiculous. I hope mine come up in the garden......I miss lilac trees, and magnolias, and tulips, and cottage gardens, growing vegies without them being eaten completely by bugs, flowering fruit trees, roses........ there's lots of things I miss. Going home for a bit will be lovely.

Don't get me wrong, home is here, but Geelong, is home home. Where I was born and where I grew up.

Thank goodness my blog is called what it is........as this post has gone all over the place. Lots of things on my mind at the moment. Lots of things to enjoy and look forward to, but with a level of cautiousness too.

The future shines brightly

I've been so incredibly busy of late that I wonder if I'll even have time to do what I've planned for the next two years.

I've been accepted into uni. On the 25/7 I will commence my nursing degree.

When I received notification last week. I couldn't wait to accept the offer. Somehow I thought if I didn't accept it immediately it may disappear.

I've been overwhelmed with the response of friends and family. I've not had a negative comment come my way. Most of all I'm thankful for my supportive and encouraging husband. I couldn't wish for a more understanding man.

Today I went to uni and walked around and organized my student ID. I sat at the cafe and didn't feel out of place there at all. I just soaked up the ambience. Actually the campus is beautiful and not overly large. I'm looking forward to exploring it more. It's a nice feeling too, knowing that there are a few people there that I know.

I'm excited. The time ahead is going to be incredibly busy. I know I'm going to feel stressed and far too busy. I'll need reminding of that frequently.

Just a short update for today.


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Saving Faith

I think it's sadly profound how a throw away statement from thirty years ago can still have a palpable effect today. When I got married the first time I agreed to marry in a Catholic church although I wasn't prepared to convert. My prospective husband called me a heathen as my faith and understanding was of an eclectic nature. Even though I had a faith and was prepared to say my vows in a Catholic church even though that was not my choice. I graciously agreed his parents' preferences.

As a preteen, teen and young adult I had an ongoing journey in Faith. My baby brother had a best friend whose family were involved in the local Baptist Church. My brother and I attended regularly, every week we were an avid part of Sunday School and the sermon. I praise my parents in my prayers often for their attitude which they bestowed upon me. I loved learning about the Bible and I was comfortable to ask questions. I felt blessed that I could take part in communion without having gone through a rite of passage. My dedication earned me a lovely Bible and various bookmarks which I loved. I knew the chapters of the Bible off by heart. I attended choir performances in Melbourne, I went to countless pot luck dinners. I loved it there. The church was in a colourbond shed, plain, nondescript. Inside it was a simple church with pews and pulpit. I'm sure there was a cross somewhere. Simple, plain and full of wonderful people.

I wanted to convert to Baptist and my parents in their wisdom told me to hold off until I was older. I felt such a sense of belonging to that church. My parents never attended, nor felt pressured to. The Minister would come and call on Mum from time to time, if I remember correctly Mr. Green even started the lawnmower for Mum when she wanted to help and surprise Dad.
My parents let us attend all the events we wanted to go to. The only time Mum ever took umbrage was when we had communion (once a month) and the roast lunch had to be delayed because we would be home later than usual.

When I began my first job I had a girlfriend who was Catholic. I spent a lot of time with her and her family. I'd attend the beautiful Catholic Church and went on some camps. We would go to an evening mass and it was special. The priest was young and we'd be invited back to the presbytery afterwards for pizza and lemonade and it was great I loved it. I could have stayed there and perhaps not made some of my early life mistakes had they not jumped on me and tried to convert me the moment they knew I wasn't Catholic. Such a shame. This wasn't the last time that church folk thwarted my journey of Faith. Unfortunately my stubborn nature often felt pressure when I was confronted with opinions differed to my own and rather than wade it out I left. It's a shame. They too were good people wanting to share their faith with me and I was frightened. Not strong enough within myself or my faith to take it for what it was. Too young and stupid and scared of what might transpire.

Enter stage left a prospective husband who has no willingness for church attendance but because of familial pressure insisted on a Catholic wedding. I have no issue with that. I'm a Christian after all. Denomination means naught to me at this stage. Even now it means little.

The only point I took issue with, was that I wouldn't say 'I obey' and I'd ask curly questions at the pre marital sessions. Those questions endeared me not to Catholicism at that time. Again my faith was tested and I was pushed away.

It was because of my questions and curiosity that my first husband labelled me a heathen.

Fast forward seven years...........

Now I've had two failed marriages and I'm painfully and debilitatingly ill with a slipped disc. I'm sad and believing I have come to a point where I've seriously given God a reason to finally do me in. After all my sins and transgressions God has finally had enough and has decided that a normal life was too good for me. Why else was I in the prime of my life, with two failed marriages, few friends and I'm in and out if hospital in chronic pain.

I spent a lot of time on my own. My parents were wonderful during this time and spent hours sitting with me, I honestly don't know what I would gave done without them at that stage of my life. I still had too much time on my hands. Time to pray, to think, to ponder. Someone on the nursing staff brought me a Bible. It was a little red New Testament Gideons Bible. I can still remember the evening after many days of searching for answers when I came across a Psalm which made me realize that God wasn't punishing me. I can still feel the relief wash over me. That moment when I knew that God was neither vindictive nor punitive.

During the months of pain and the time around my surgery I felt at peace and I had an inner strength gained from my prayers. For a few months during this time I attended the Lutheran Church in Nambour. I chose here as that is what I was baptized and my brother, his wife and her family worshipped there.

I never felt a connection with this church. Again my faith was stalled. My Christian growth once again went into hiatus.

I never lost faith or ever doubted in God. It was no longer a priority in my life.

I've always prayed. Often even just reciting the 'Lord's Prayer'. I was so conscious of not always coming to God with a shopping list that I wouldn't pray my own prayer. The Lords Prayer said it for me. It was a comfort. I knew the lines of communication were still open but I wasn't putting any conscious thought or effort into it.

I fell in love and married again. Years later, ten years after my hospital stint, I had a baby who was quite ill. I knew that God was with me during that time. Apart from when my Dad was in hospital and had his triple bypass, and my illness, I'd never before known that level of uncertainty which can come with the 'unknown' or where the future is uncertain. A premature baby who has breathing difficulties is wrought with worry and uncertainty, but the whole time we were in hospital I felt sheltered in a way I can't explain.

I had a long walk from my hospital bed and to the Intensive care unit where Sammy was, and, again lots of time to think. Several times a day I would walk past the chaplain's office and I yearned to have someone to talk to and someone to pray with. Being the day before the Y2K. I had no chance of finding anyone to talk to.

Once home the reality of two young children hit me and it hit me hard. I was lonely. It was no longer easy to go out. my children needed their routine and they needed to be home and in their beds for naps.

A friend came and visited me one day and I told her I was lonely. She gave me a phone number of a lady who ran a mothers group for children at preschool level or younger.

I attended this MOPS group for many years. The woman who ran this group was to become my best friend. This friendship began the start of my life as it is now and she's also become the catalyst I was looking for to become part of a church I love.

I started at the MOPS group early on 2000. It was a fortnightly group for mothers of young children which was under the auspice of the local Church of Christ. The children were looked after for two hours and we would spend the time with other mums. The first part of the morning we would complete a craft. After a morning tea we would read from and discuss aspects of a Christian book on families. These mornings was a Godsend for me. I was able to be sans kids, make new friends and begin to build a special friendship with a wonderful lady.

The MOPS morning before Easter we were all given an Easter egg from the ladies if the church. Attached to these eggs was a strip of paper with church service times. That Good Friday I was there and my church life was forever changed. As I entered the church foyer I was greeted by sincere welcomes which overwhelmed me. On entering the church proper I was taken aback by the volume and tempo of the music and the sight of a full band up on a stage.

Week after week I felt myself being swept up with the worshipful mood and the wonderful songs of praise. The first time I'd heard Barbi sing, I felt goosebumps run up and down my arm. Never before had I heard such heartfelt singing in praise of Jesus. I was touched, deeply so. The first time I partook in Holy Communion I felt the Holy Spirit. A feeling of such serenity and warmth overcame me, I cannot explain it as anything else. I was where I was meant to be. It was like coming home into safe, comfortable and welcoming arms.

For the next few years I went along regularly and attended all the information evenings and talks as I was hungry for knowledge. I made a public acknowledgement that Christ was my Lord and saviour.

During this time I was again pregnant and spent a lot of time in and put of hospital. Pregnancy with Mickey was not an easy time. Sammy was still so young and such a handful. The church was fantastic toward me. I had their emotional support, as well as food and visits which were all very much appreciated.

Mickey was born and not well. Thankfully he didn't require a trip to Brisbane like Sammy. The pastor and his wife visited while Mickey was in the special care unit. I'll never forget how his vital signs improved as we stood around him praying.

The following years saw many changes in my life.

At this point Barbi and I were fast friends and our lives were firmly intertwined.

God was smiling upon us and we were blessed with the opportunity to buy our own home which was across the road from where we currently lived. That's a story unto itself though, so I won't go into that now.

We also started Daisy's during this time, so that was very exciting and while I'm no longer a business partner, Daisy's is an important part of my life. God has also blessed Daisy's from the staff who work there, to the whole ethos of the place. It's become Barbi's ministry and Daisy's is so much more than just a store.

Sadly the church went through so many changes during this time to the point where it was no longer the church it had once been. They caused so much hurt and pain for Barbi and her family, it was not a good time. I left the church. I couldn't be a part of a place that could cause so much hurt and heartache. MOPS changed the venue, they went from a larger centre to the church foyer. This felt that we were no longer welcome. The funny thing is that this area is used for gatherings nowadays and I no longer feel displaced.

I'd stopped going to church about 7 years ago and while I wanted to return the timing wasn't right. I went to the carols just before Christmas and then started going to church from then.

The pastor is amazing. Casual, learned, passionate and wise. I admire him. I enjoy how he interprets the Bible. I can use his translations in my daily life. Things I can do to become closer to God. Things I can do to become a better Christian.

While my knowledge of the Bible is still scant I enjoy devotional time and love my conversations with God. I have found an inner peace which is wonderful and I come to God now for everything. Sometimes I will forget and then it comes over me in a rush, that I'm not alone. That He understands and will alway listen.

Daily I pray for myself and for others. For those close to me, and for those I don't even know.

I find I am much more able now to accept that things are in God's hands. It's brought me a calm I've never before even imagined. I'm a long way from being a perfect Christian (I don't believe there is such a being). But it's something I will always strive for.

I see the Lord's presence in all areas of my life and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Now I look forward to growing in my Faith and to living my faith every single day.

I have loved this quote since I was a young teen.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Reinhold Niebuhr

The words have always had a powerful effect on me. Now the do more than ever.


















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Another day in the big smoke

Today we had Billy-Joe's appointment with the paediatric rheumatologist. Thank God he's been given the all clear from any vasculitis related diseases. It doesn't look like he's got arthritis or any auto immune diseases either. He's small because he's small, and many boys who have puberty late, end up being quite tall, and it's not unusual for those boys to not have their growth spurt until around 16 years of age. That made us feel better. He's growing, just very slowly. His weight is good for his height too. Put it this way, it's a much better situation than having an obese child. He will have more tests done and we will continue with more in depth respiratory tests to check further into the coughing issue. So at minimum, we'll have another three visits to Brisbane before this is complete.

We had a good day, although it was very tiring. We hit a massive storm on the way home and I crawled into a petrol station as visibility was extremely poor. We waited around 20 minutes and then drove home the rest of the way in rain. I've always been scared driving in the rain, I didn't do too badly and it was absolutely torrential. I'm glad I pulled over.

We had a nice time at the shopping centre. I bought Sammy some winter clothes for when we go and visit Laureen, and I got a knitted tunic top and a stretch tunic top that I can wear with tights here and when we go down South. We went into Typo and I bought the letter 'I', a heart and an apple. I also bought some little douvers to put cables in from the computer, to stop them falling down behind the machine when items are unplugged. I loved the coffee travel mug and the metal mail holder too. Some great things there.

We had a late lunch, junk food, which I could have done without. I won't have dinner, a bowl of muesli or something later on with a cup of tea is all I need.

I can't believe it's Wednesday already tomorrow.

Random Stuff

Everyday I have blog posts floating around in my head. I've mentioned this before, but it's something which I do daily. I have things I don't want to forget, little, trivial but important things. Things that make up my life.

Apologies that the photos are all over the place. Blogo just puts them anywhere lol.....

This was a leaf insect the cats were after in the garden and I rescued it from them, I've never seen one before. This is the biggest insect I've ever seen, he was so heavy.

It's been a huge week. With the Nursing and Health Expo last Sunday, and then another jaunt to Brisbane on Wednesday, added to the norm, it was a tiring but interesting and exciting week. I can't believe my little car has already done 2000kms, when most of my driving consists of school and stuff. I will have watch this as my insurance policy is dependant upon the amount of kms I drive. I still so very very happy with the choice of car I made. It's an absolute delight to drive. The Camry, (old lady car) was good to drive on the open road, but was slow, sluggish and the handling around roundabouts wasn't the best. This little car, while I do notice that it's a small motor, is easy to handle and responsive, love it. Love the bluetooth feature, so awesome to be able to ring and receive calls, with a small click of the dashboard, or by speaking.

I had my hair cut and recoloured. Not sure if I like it, or if I should go back shorter and more into a bob, or add more layers.....

Wednesday's Brisbane visit was primarily for Billy-Joe's specialist review. The pneumonia recovery is travelling along as expected so all is well there. His breathing and lung capacity is still down, so the whole is it asthma or not debate, is still out of contention, until the pneumonia is completely gone. He had to do a breathing test, have a chest x-ray and also needed a long list of blood tests done. Unfortunately, the phlebotomist, couldn't find a viable vein, and after two attempts and a slightly nauseous boy, we left pathology having left no blood behind. I'll take him to the local hospital tomorrow, so hopefully it will be better. I've had him drinking more fluid this weekend, so this will help. The specialist is concerned as Billy-Joe has many of the same markers as I do, with inflammatory indicators. As my arthritis is still being monitored and a correct treatment hasn't been reached yet, we need to keep a close on him too, as it's possible he has something too. The constant coughing is also an issue, which he will watch. He has dropped his seretide strength, so this will be interesting to see what happens from here.

We made a good day of it too, and left home after I dropped off Sammy and Mickey. We spent most of the day at the Westfield shopping centre. I bought Billy-Joe some new winter clothes, and then we went to see Hop. I love Bunny Rabbits, so much, and when I saw the shorts for this when Billy-Joe was in hospital, I knew we'd have to go and see it. It was just gorgeous, wish I could have a stuffed Bunny like that, he was so cute........

Now another week has passed and I've not even finished that post grrrrr.............

Since the visit to Brisbane, we've had some school holidays, although they are whizzing by at lightning speed. On the Monday we went and had lunch at Peter's place. He has his friends' kids stay most holidays and enjoys it when we come over too. It was a miserable rainy day, but we ate and drank coffee and the kids watched movies and played games. The hours just went by. I'd wanted Billy-Joe to have his blood test done before we went there but there were heaps of people waiting, so we left. We almost got drenched, as it was teeming down, just for something different......

I admired this bracelet on Flickr the other day and my girlfriend bought it for me. I was so surprised and I think it's absolutely beautiful. Love the two colours and also the fact she's bought one with a Bunny on it.

The rest of the week and Easter has just flown by too. I did housework and Daisy work, and even went out into the garden on one day. Good Friday Billy-Joe and I went to Church. It was a beautiful service. I find this service so special, a service of hope. Eleven years ago, I went back to church and it was a Good Friday service. The message really hit home with me. Barbi has been encouraging me to come back for many years. I was so disillusioned with what happened many years ago, that I felt I'd never go back to church. After she's been back to Church of Christ again for a few years, I still wasn't ready to go back. I knew there was a new minister, one who specializes in 'healing churches' and their congregations. I'm glad I didn't go back then, even though the man is just lovely, he's a little hard core for me. I don't take kindly to fundamentalism and find this type of preaching is what keeps people away from church. The current minister is a younger man. Probably in his early forties, with a staunch Catholic upbringing, with most of the ritualism stripped away, but with a need to still favour some traditions and rituals. I like that, as my faith is not 'straight down the line' and I need to be 'taught' from someone who's theological views are from different arenas. In the years, I've not attended church, my faith hasn't gone away or anything, but I find it became aimless and yet I was always hungry for knowledge and to become closer to God. My Sunday mornings of praise and worship stay with me for the entire week, and help me to stay focussed, calm and safe. My prayers aren't pretty, or prosaic, rather their conversations with the Heavenly Father. Billy-Joe enjoys coming with me, and finds the services interesting and thought provoking. Having an almost 15 year old boy coming willingly with me, is a precious gift. I'm glad it's something we enjoy together.

I would have liked to go to church on Sunday, to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. It would have been rather special to be there for the Easter Sunday service. It's too hard for me to make it though. With family coming for lunch, I'm busy. Actually I wonder, how in years past we used to go to Peter's parents' house as well. Such a huge day. Even though Dad isn't 100% we had a fabulous time together. We are just so comfortable together, it's pretty cool actually. Before Mum and Dad arrived, we drove up to a friends' house to collect an outdoor table they no longer wanted. It was so good having a larger, sturdier table and using the old one for the salad and stuff. We had our Easter Hunt and the kids had a ball, I got some nice photos, even though the light was not the best and my ISO was quite high. I wonder how these pics will print out, they always good okay on the screen. I'd love a faster zoom lens, or a camera that takes better photos, and goes to a higher ISO. I just love the look of photos taken in the later afternoon. The colours are so saturated, and our garden looks sensational. The girls came around in the early evening and had some Easter Cupcakes with us. It's just great now that Julia drives, as she can come when I ask her to. Kiana came along too, which was lovely.

I asked Mum and Dad, if they would come on holidays with us. We get on really well, and spending a holiday with them would be great fun. Plus an added benefit is that we can use their car for luggage. We'll take my little car and their car and pack as lightly as possible. I've already looked up some houses, and because Mum and Dad agreed and are happy to go halves, I've seen some amazing homes. Just beautiful actually. I was almost beginning to think we wouldn't go away this year.

Trying to get Mickey to take a pic of my haircut. I said just get my head, meaning fill the frame with my head and don't worry about my body or background lol......

Today, I got up early, after listening to my audiobook for quite a few hours. I had breakfast, fed Mickey and then went back to bed after I'd been up for an hour and a half. I laid snuggling in my bed and then read some of my ebook and then got up and got ready to go out to another BBQ. Peter's sister and her partner and their little girl are moving to WA, so today was to say goodbye. Honestly I'd have been quite happy to stay home. It was nice though. The rain held off and the house is on an amazing property. Trees, kangaroos and not much else. Peaceful. The kids had a ball playing with Lily, their youngest cousin. Her little face was quite woebegone when we left. Being an only child, she enjoyed their company.

The day Billy-Joe and I went to Chermside I was so excited when we walked past the Apple Store. I'd actually forgotten it was there, so you can imagine my delight when we accidentally stumbled onto it. Loved it, it was huge, and so cool that they clapped as someone walked out with their new iPad.

Enjoying a drink at lunch.

Another trip to Brisbane

Yesterday Billy-Joe and I went to the Nursing and Health Expo

It was exciting on more than one count. I have only ever driven into the city once in all the years I've lived in Qld. Pretty pathetic really and wouldn't be a huge issue except that Peter doesn't know his way around either so whenever we need or want to go there it's a huge drama or we shelve it because it's too hard. I bought the Tom Yom app for my iPhone and it's given me confidence. I figure if I don't know where I am the GPS might lol. Probably not the best way to be but having said that even though I don't know exactly where I am I wasn't totally ignorant of mu surroundings and I changed lanes when I needed to, even though the GPS didn't tell me to. It was great as I couldn't get into parking so at least Tom could tell me where to go as in Brisbane you can't just turn around. So with the one way streets I tend to lose what little sense of direction I have. 

The expo had lots of stalls with representation from the various unis and then lots of employers and agencies. I'll definitely visit again when I finish. I did learn that the options for work are huge. We spent a good hour and a half there gathering info and talking to CQU, USC and QUT. I was impressed with CQU. I've now added them to my preferences. I think I could cope with external studies especially when it's run as well as they do it. I remember when I was doing my teaching and then afterwards when I started the Grad Dip in Special Ed that USQ and CQU were the forerunners of external studies. UNE has always had a good reputation too for distance Ed. 

We stopped at the Caboolture Service Centre and had lunch. Shouldn't have eaten the KFC but it was good seeing Billy-Joe eat a huge burger. Neither of us ate dinner so I guess it wasn't so bad. 

I've changed my preferences now, I've deleted QUT graduate entry which I'd just thrown in there for the ski of it. They won't consider my last degree which okay as I've no intention if driving to Brisbane many times per week. They do have a campus in Caboolture though. 

Now I gave USC Graduate Entry as my first preference although I don't like my chances. I've put down for CQU as my second preference and it's still on my QTAC application, so they've not barred those two. Fingers crossed. 

I took my Dad to the doctor today as he's not well. He's been having fevers and hallucinating too. The doc thinks he might have Pneumonia!!!!  I certainly pray that he doesn't. Or, if he does that it's a mild case. Very mild. My Dad says he was hallucinating about all his family who've been gone many years. His sister, his brother, and his Mum. He said they'd come to get him. I reckon they can just keep waiting.  I'm not ready to let him go. I'm sure there are others who agree with me. I still can't believe he's now over 80. I hope he gets better very soon. Tomorrow he goes back. No doubt to check his white blood cell count. And they say kids are a worry!!!!

I told Mum and Dad about me wanting to go back and study. The more I think about it the better the idea feels to me. All the 'lostness' I've felt lately has gone. I have direction again. Who would have thought that spending two weeks in hospital with a sick child could lead to me going back to study. I remember when I started at the Special School I'd looked up study options. Option which would only take to years part time study but which would qualify me as a Special Ed teacher and virtually guarantee me work!! Sadly it left me cold. Am I a good teacher ? Yes! Is it my lifelong ambition? No. Perhaps if the entire system was different, things might be different. Perhaps too if I'd stayed with teaching instead of having having my family. I don't know. All I know is that my heart isn't in it. Not at all.

Feeling betwixt and between

I hate feeling like this.

Not sure if it’s depression rearing its ugly head, as it tends to from time to time. A little reminder, to show me that yes, I feel good, but don’t get so cocky as to believe you are 100% cured.

Or could it be that entering normality again, is just a huge, rude shock. The insular and safe nature of being in hospital with Billy-Joe had quite a sheltering affect on me. I felt safe, peaceful and I knew I was where I was needed most. While I knew my family missed me, I knew they were in good hands too, no need to me to worry about them at all.

I feel good when I’m surrounded by my friends, and I’m out and about, but at home I feel a little lost. The full load of responsibility of household and family has landed wholly and soley upon my lap again, where it belongs, but perhaps the speed in which real life travels is a rude awakening.

I do know, however, that this feeling will pass, it always does. It’s how I feel after the rush of Christmas is over, it’s how I feel after a crises situation, I felt like this coming home from hospital with Sammy when he’d spent his early days in the neonatal intensive care unit in Brisbane, that was the first time I’d experienced it and identified it.
Crisis over.
Now I can feel like crap!
That’s it in a nutshell I think. Now my mind goes crazy and creates ‘what if’ scenarios and the thankfulness I feel creates a guilt. A guilt for those not so lucky as I and mine.

The rational side of my mind, ticks over, a little slowly, but it casts a reprimand over my irrational side. It’s the quieter voice which will gain volume and momentum in the days ahead. Then it will once again be the dominant voice and these days will see a distant memory.

The mind is a complex minefield. I keep trying to understand myself better, to avoid these dips in mindset.

Today, I sit quietly on my bed with my Macbook. Peter is looking after the boys and spending time with them, the rain is pouring down outside, and we are all safe in our haven. I’m resting here, with my thoughts, prayers and my words, taking a little time out for the equilibrium to return. And it will return, I know that, I just need a little patience and to be kind to myself.

What to bring when spending time with a child in hospital

I made this list to help me should I ever need it again, or perhaps it may come up on a google search and help another Mum. Having certain items with me made my stay easier and some were necessary.

List of things to take when spending time with a sick child in hospital.


1. Comfortable clothes as you'll spend lots of time sitting and may end up sleeping in your clothes too. Take jeans for when you walk to shops or leave hospital complex.
Make sure you have pockets so you can have your phone on at all times on vibrate so as not to disturb sleeping patients.
2. All toiletries. If you like to wear makeup take the bare minimum, for example blush, lip liner, lip stick and eye brow pencil. Don't bother with mascara, as it's too difficult to take off. Take a foaming cleanser/toner so you can easily remove. A powdered foundation can be handy too and is easy to remove.
Nail clippers and nail file. Nails grow quickly when you're not doing your regular chores. Nail polish of you like as you will have time to apply and it's nice to do something for yourself.
3. Lip balm as being constantly in the air conditioned room yours and your child's lips will quickly dry out.
4. Face moisturiser and body lotion. Soap isn't crucial as it's supplied on hospital bathroom walls but you will need to add moisture back afterwards.
5. Hand mirror and brush/comb.
6. Deodorant and hairspray if needed, and hairdryer of course. Unless your hair is maintenance free.
7. Large handbag, if you normally use a tiny one, switch to a larger one as you'll carry around more items than usual.
8. All prescription medication, and take scripts too as you may stay longer than you think.
Paracetomol and Ibuprofen. Nursing staff are not allowed to treat parents of patients so it's handy to have headache remedies.
9.A travel cup. Hot tea/coffee is not allowed on the wards. You may be allowed to use a spill free cup and a nice hot cuppa becomes quite a treat.
10. Cash. Many things you can EFTPOS but for buying small things like drinks and coffees it's handy to have cash. There are ATMs around on the hospital grounds if you need them.
11. A laptop or handheld tablet device. For me to have been able to wile away the hours emailing, writing and surfing the web. I can honestly say I was never bored. I also had my Devotional book but only for the latter part of my stay. I also have daily readings on my iPad. This helped keep me focussed, calm when things were uncertain and thankful for the many positive happenings. Perspective and comfort are powerful companions and to have daily reminders was a balm for my soul. Having access to the Internet meant I was always in contact with family and close friends. Messages, thoughts and prayers help with the long days and the feeling of loneliness is eased.

A collection of ponderings.

It's almost incomprehensible to believe that this all started two weeks ago. By the time we leave we will have spent well over two weeks in hospital.

Strangely enough, in spite of the stress we've had some good moments. It's been a time of bonding to what already was a close relationship which has become even closer. We've had some funny moments too which has been clinically beneficial as he'd fall into paroxysms of coughing.

We are living in a bubble here, quite insular without much outside influence. It's a strange way to be and quite amazing how quickly one can adapt.

As in all situations things continue around one. These are my observations in no particular order of occurrence and importance.

- there have been Apple updates which needed doing on iPhone and my iPad.
- I had to buy nail clippers and nail polish to redo my nails as they looked rather feral.
- the use by date on the milk has given me a shock.
- my prescriptions have needed renewing
- my mail is being brought in to me
- correspondence at home has needed tending too
- my hair has grown
- I've had lots of time to think and plan
- New routines are quickly developed

Time has gone by slowly and quickly. So much has happened and yet so little. I am very happy to be going home today with my boy and yet we will both always cherish this time we've had together.

A Social Day in Hospital

What a huge day? It's not long after 8.30am and I've left Billy-Joe to snooze. He is exhausted after the day we've had. Not much of today was spent in bed. Basically from 10.30 onwards we were busy.

Billy-Joe went off with Max, the physiotherapist. She did some walking beep test stuff with him today. His lungs coped okay, bis ankles and knees not so well. We definitely need to look into these joint problems too. We want to get our boy to the healthiest he can be, to not be hampered by undiagnosed and untreated pain. Just before he headed to Physio a friend of ours Pete arrived, bearing gifts of scrumptious chocolates for both of us. Pete andi went downstairs for coffee. We were still sitting there when Billy-Joe finished. I was expecting two other visitors and I didn't tell Billy-Joe who was coming. Cath and Blake arrived, with Nan and Darby, Chrissy and Carlee in tow. What a lovely surprise. We sat and had another coffee and then headed to the ward so Billy-Joe could be hooked up to his IV again. Then we went into the Parent Room and Cath cut Billy-Joe's hair. It Looks so much better shorter. We went back to the ward and I had a late lunch. After his antibiotics were finished we decided to go on our walk.

We walked over to the Food Court had a drink and another sit out in the fresh air and the. We walked back. I could see Billy-Joe was had it when we got back.

We've gotten to the point where we don't even think that we will go home soon and we've fallen into a new routine in our new ward. The doctors visited us this morning and told us they were still not happy with the temperature spikes. They are trying to decide whether or. Ot to give Billy-Joe a CAT scan as they're concerned there might be an abscess, or something that the 'bug' has developed to make itself resilient toward the antibiotic. It all sounds rather serious to me so there's no way I'm going to be painful and push to go home. There's too much at stake.

Bunny is visiting tomorrow,bringing us some we things we need, including my MacBook and some school work for Billy-Joe.

I can say we made the most of today. I made Billy-Joe laugh loads of times. I'm trying to get him to eat more too, that's hard with the cruddy food he gets. He's actually hanging out for one of my stir fries!!!!!

One Week Post Surgery

Who would have thought that long Sunday spent in emergency would lead to such a long stay in hospital. 

And we are not going anywhere in a hurry either. 

Being in this new ward has had its down moments. Like I said yesterday I can't sleep beside Billy-Joe which isn't a bad thing because I actually slept and wasn't awoken by staff, beeping IV machines or moaning children. These a boy with cerebral palsy in the same ward. His Mum shores and he whimpers and moans. Poor Billy-Joe was in tears when I came back bedside. I really felt for him, his big sad eyes with shadows smudged underneath them in his pale face nearly broke my heart. It's not easy in this ward. I can't comfort myself either by saying that we've got it easy compared to the other kids and parents. Taking joy in another's misfortune doesn't bring me solace. I've used it for Billy-Joe more to help him gain an understanding of their situation, as kids so often are ignorant. 

I have to focus on the situation at hand, it's my reality and something I need to consolidate within my mind. 

In the morning we went to the gym with our Physio. Billy-Joe shot some hoops, and played on the Wii. Anything for a bit of aerobic activity, which helps expand the lungs and makes him cough too. 

I'd woken up with yet another massive headache, which I couldn't budge with Nurofen plus. When it eased slightly but I was ready for more pain relief I walked over to pharmacy on my own. Billy-Joe wanted to come but I needed time on my own and wanted to be quicker as it's a fair way, even further now that we've moved. 

Before I'd even left the floor, Dad rang which was lovely and much needed. It was good to be able to hear his voice and realize that home wasn't that far away. I got some meds at the chemist and then looked around the crowded food court to see what appealed. Peter rang while I debated joining the mile long queue in Subway. That was a much needed conversation and again it was good to be out of Billy-Joe's earshot. I could speak of my vasculitis concerns and let Peter know that the doctors were pretty sure it was in no way related to that. Thank God for that. During the conversation I faltered a little and held back some sobs. Peter offered to swap places but I declined. I know my place is here. I know that Billy-Joe needs me to be here. While I know Peter is doing it tough at home, in some ways it's not a bad thing. His appreciation for what I do has grown in leaps and bounds. He can still go to work and for the next few days Mickey is at school camp so there'll only be two of them at home, easy for Peter. Sammy on his own is a very serene child. Easy. 

I bought my lunch and then headed back to the ward feeling proud of myself that I'm learning how to navigate this huge complex. 

After my delicious Subway I went to have a lie down. The ward is so noisy and I don't like noise and when I have a headache I can't switch off from it. I slept on the two seater lounge for a couple of hours and felt much better for it. When I came back Billy-Joe had had a blood test. It was not without drama though as he has my veins and they're shrinking away from needles. The phlebotomist had two attempts and drew nothing. Protocol here states you only get two attempts. One of the doctors took him to the treatment room as was able to draw the required amount. 

The Infectious Disease guys came to visit too. If the fevers keep spiking we could be here for another few weeks. We are hoping that the changed antibiotics will give him a better chance at going home a little sooner. 

It's a day at a time. 

I've been praying for patience and peace. 



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Looking forward to better days.

I glad we've both got good outlooks otherwise today would have been dreadful.

I was quite sad this morning when we were told that we would have to move out of our ward. Wed grown rather comfortable there and already had a routine. The room was quiet with only one other patient and we had lots of room. I would spend the day in a very comfy recliner and then at night I'd roll out and unfold and make up my bed and push the recliner I to the bed's day spot. I was right beside Billy-Joe the entire time. I'd leave to go and have my shower and sometimes I'd go and have a cup of tea or I'd walk across to the main hospital to buy some food or go to the chemist but I was there all the rest of the time. I had offers to be collected so that I could spend the time elsewhere but I don't want to be anywhere else. Billy-Joe is relying on me and my company so very much. As it was now that we are in a new wars I cannot sleep beside him as there's not enough room for the stretcher. So I'm outside the ward and along the hall. I've set up my bed in a large open room which has breakfast facilities, lounge chairs, showers and toilets. The view is lovely though lol. It's a little lonely and strange.

The highlight of my day was Mike bringing my washing. What a kind and lovely man!! Now I have some fresh clothes which I like to wear. It's cooler here so I really misses the longer pants. Thank you Sheree for coming to collect my washing yesterday.

One of the doctors visited again this afternoon and told us we had to be patient. With the severity of the pneumonia they're not taking any chances. Sounds ominous. I wonder how kong we will remain here.

My baby boy goes on his first camp tomorrow and I won't be there to see him off and possibly won't be there when he comes home.

Peter is missing me badly. So good to hear his voice.
We've never spent so much time together before,well not since he was a baby. We've always been close and now we are even more so. We are so much alike it's a little scary. We can co exist very easily and harmoniously.

Update from RCH

I'm so glad I'm able to keep updates while I'm here. I would have killed for an iPad whilst I was in hospital and Ronald McDonald House. I could have kept a journal of all that went on, I kno I've fit some details scratched into a notebook somewhere but a blog would have been awesome. I just hope ive done justice to the last week as far as recording.

I've kept positive the entire time I've been here. I've been stressed and worried at times of course. But I've managed to keep my attitude buoyant. This has had a twofold affect. I keep my own spirits high, and Billy-Joe benefits from that. No point me being miserable and a sad sack, that won't help him at all. I fear that it's hardest on Peter in many ways. He's continuing on at home with work, the house and the kids. Bless his heart but he's not used to working and doing everything at home. I've had bouts of doing that and it's hard. In many ways I found it much harder when we didn't know what was going on. I know Billy-Joe is in good hands and that this is the best place he can possibly be.

I've just been downstairs. A lovely angel just arrived to wash my unmentionables and my clothes I've been living in. I thought we were going home today and I've been wearing the most comfortable stuff. Thank God Sheree was Ble to drop everything to pick up our waging. Suzy (My Personal Shopping Angel) bought some singlet tops and a nice pair of yoga pants which are co comfy and I'll get heaps of wear out of at home. They need a wash now. Barbi was here yesterday and has quenched my Pepsi Max addiction. Dear Bunny ga e me some money so that my credit card gets a rest.

It's after two thirty and I'm ready for a rest. It's busy here and the relaxed moments are treasured. Billy-Joe has another fever so is feeling a bit flat now. I hope he bas a kip.

I spent last night researching doing my nursing degree some more. I could do it part time. It would take me six years. By that time the kids are out of school. Definitely something to think about. I could still be eligible for HECS/HELP as you're entitled to 7 years full time and I've only used 3.

Only God knows what the future holds.