Moments of Randomness

*Coaltar soap smells odd - but denotes love to me. My Bunny used to use it when we first met. I used to just love his chest hair, because it smelled of this unusual scent which I'd never smelt before. He used to live in a little cane cutters cottage, which had no running water inside, and no shower. He would shower under the tank stand in the backyard with cold water, straight from the tank. (Does anyone remember the opening scene of Lady Chatterley's Lover???)

* Good quality wine tastes wonderful
* Being sick sucks
* My kids love my home cooking
* Family is everything
* My home is humble and small, but I love it


I bought a cake of Coaltar soap today!

A brighter day

I'm on the hunt for a new GP. My old GP is okay, his care has been fine, but there's something lacking - empathy and a sense of humour. I like to be treated with both. I feel they are my strong qualities when dealing with others, and I now know that it's something I crave. I don't need sympathy or pity, by any stretch, but an understanding and an empathetic ear, goes a long long way.

Today I went to a new clinic. I saw a doctor, he was pleasant enough. I was booked in to see a lady Doctor, but she went home ill, so my appointment was rescheduled. I was basically after a referal to have my shoulder scanned, meanwhile checking out the 'feel' for the clinic. Parking was a cinch, which is important in this town. There's a chemist adjacent which is a huge plus. It's close to home, and they bulk bill which is rare these days.

My anti depressants have been increased too for the next couple of months. I know this will make a difference.

My shoulder has gotten increasingly worse this last few days. Yesterday I was in so much pain, I couldn't do much at all. My left hand and arm is now doing so much more. I was even 'mousing' with my left hand yesterday. I had to bring my physio appointment forward because the pain was so acute. It's a long way from better, but much better today than it was yesterday. I had to do the groceries this morning, so I did it very slowly (I hate trolleys!!!!), and carrying in the groceries to the house, took eight trips. I only carried really light stuff in my right hand. I've been getting Peter to drain the pasta or rice this week, and he's had to lift my heavy scanpan. I've even had him wipe the bench at night. Now my left hand can do a good job of that. I open windows and doors with my left hand. Thank God I'm not carrying an infant anymore!

My tummy still felt 'icky' this morning. I actually felt like I had morning sickness. Not a nice feeling, but thankfully it's subsided. I feel better now than I've felt for days in my stomach. I'm looking forward to dinner and a chardy later.

Barbi came and visited and spent a few hours with me. That woman is good for my head, heart and soul. We didn't even talk about me. It's just her presence. She exudes a goodness that I just drink in when I'm around her. We drank good coffee, ate good cakes and had a light lunch.

I'm heading out now to pick up my little ones. Billy-Joe is across the road with Sheila, one of our elderly neighbours that we keep an eye on. She is quite artistic and Billy-Joe is asking her questions about drawing. So nice to see that a young pre pubescent boy is interested in what an old lady has to offer. Very very sweet, and I'm sure Sheila will be rapt that he came to see her.

Dr. Phil

I have missed Dr. Phil in the last few weeks, because they've had a new show on, called 'Ask the Doctors'. It's not a bad show, but they'll often concentrate on things that I already know, they focus on the 'get healthy' track more often than not. Their interesting shows have been on the less common issues, like certain diseases etc...... However, even though I'm a wanna be doctor, I have missed Dr. Phil.

I have always liked his straight forward approach. I don't always agree with Dr. Phil - but most times I do. He calls a spade a spade and has helped thousands of people with his no nonsense, rational approach to issues.

He's been back on this week, and I'm pleased about that. Today's show, wasn't the ideal one to have on while I was eating lunch! The show focused on a woman who had OCD. She is a compulsive hoarder. Actually this woman had more than one issue.

They showed the rubbish in her house. Normally, when I've seen previous shows on hoarders, it's just loads and loads of 'clean' rubbish. But this was just the most revolting thing I've ever seen. Like I said, not good lunch viewing. This woman had so much food, just rotting in the fridges and freezers. The freezer in the garage which was inaccessible due to all the rubbish in front of it (one truckload!!), had opened, so all the food was defrosted. The freezer was full of maggots and sludge - just vile. The kitchen fridge didn't fare any better. I was shocked and saddened to see this. The woman has children - really lovely kids. I'm so sad to think that these kids have had to grow up like this. The woman had her own issues of anxiety and depression, and found the whole cleaning up thing very very stressful. Added to that her boyfriend is a drunk! My heart just went out to the kids.

Dr. Phil has thrown resources at her, for her to clean up her home and to get better herself. The kids love her, and support her. I hope she continues on her journey, for their sakes as much as hers.

As an aside, I am pleased that she was getting help, and all for free. But I don't think she 'got' the gravity of what she'd done. There didn't seem to be any shame in the state of the house, nor a whole lot of gratitude about what she'd received...... Maybe that's just the cynic inside of me.

And I hate it when I find a dust bunny, or a floppy carrot in the crisper drawer......

Just want out of the valley

With my depression, I expect valleys and hills. Thank goodness in the last few years, since I've been back on permanent medication the valleys have been relatively short, and, normally I just hibernate for a few days and then I feel okay again.

I feel like I've been in my valley since Christmas. I just feel so flat. I have no energy and I do the barest minimum of what I need to do. I have had good days, don't get me wrong, but they don't stick around. I am so cranky at myself. I currently have so much time and could be making the most of it. I could go out, I could stay home and scrapbook. I could create every single day. I stay home, unless I'm asked to go out - and generally it's not social. I do my groceries and thank goodness I still go out every Friday night - but many weeks, I don't go anywhere from one Friday to the next apart from kids' stuff, and the supermarket.

I feel happy in a way. I'm not doom and gloom, just very flat. I have all that I want and need. My family are around me and love me dearly. My home is small but adequate for us, and it's ours (as opposed to rented, which we did for many years).

If I look back over the last few weeks, my health hasn't been great. Between my sinus infection, my hip, my shoulder and now this tummy bug - I guess it's not conducive to feeling like jumping up and down with joy. I have nothing at the moment that I feel excited or passionate about. Nothing to look forward to. I can and do try to focus on the positives in my life. There's no stress in my life either and I am grateful for that.

I'm off to the physio again on Thursday with my shoulder and I know she wants me to have it scanned. I honestly don't want to get on that roundabout again. GP - Radiology - GP - Specialist - GP - back to physio because nothing can be done anyway. I've lost count with the number of times I've been on that roundabout. I know that one of the symptoms of depression and peri menopause, us more aches and pains, but I've always considered them to be a general thing. Kind of like when you have the flu and hurt all over, rather than specific things 'going' on one's body. It seems like my body fights me every step of the way.

I try so damn hard to be healthier.

The year before last, I started ballroom dancing and I hurt my hip. Last year I started walking and my hip got so bad, I had to stop, because I couldn't walk the hills anymore. I've now had to stop my weights because of my shoulder! I've stopped the treadmill because of my hip again. I will restart though, I just can't understand why I always have these hurdles.

I'm not trying some crazy fad, I'm not doing anything unreasonable. I'm fit enough to be able to do these things, but my muscles protest and stop me from doing what my body needs.

So if you find my mojo, my energy, my motivation or my inspiration, please send it my way. I've been taking multi vitamins to help with the energy levels, but that's done nothing.

Sorry for another down post. I wanted to update my blog though, and this blog has always been an honest outlet for me - for good feelings and thoughts and also for the not so good ones.

My family are all well again, they've all had the tummy virus, and it took two weeks to get to me. I think I have a 'watered down' version, because I am not vomiting like Sammy was, just good friends with the toilet. I can still eat, but am eating less.

I just want the spring back in my step. I don't just want to be going through the motions.

I want to feel something!

Warning: Whinge and complaining ahead

I understand if you don't want to read......whine alert.

I tell you, I would be a hypochondriacs dream. They wouldn't have to make up any health issues, because they are all real. And the health issues just keeps coming, one after the other.

I feel like I am always under a doctor for something, or at the physiotherapist's. Last year it was my hip, which is now under control. It's not gone, there are still things I can't do at all, but I don't live in constant pain with it anymore like I did. Mind you, it flared up earlier in the week, with a bursitis pain, which is horrid. I had just about finished on the treadmill, when I felt it 'go'. I hobbled around for the morning and then rang my physio and was relieved that I could get in on that same day. I was in more pain that afternoon, getting up from a sitting position was especially painful. I stayed away from the treadmill yesterday, and will again today, just to be on the safe side. I wanted to go and see about my shoulder again, because there's been no improvement. My back has always been an issue, and since surgery in 1990, it's been in varying degrees of pain. I had lots and lots of treatment early on after the surgery, and thankfully got rid of the pain I had suffered. Now I'm just very careful. Having a fragile lower back, and arthritis in my thoracic spine, gives me chronic upper back and neck pain. From time to time my shoulders play up and I usually need one or two treatments and I'm good to go again for a few months.

I've also had chronic achilles tendonitis for years now. I used to love step aerobics, now my calves and achilles can't do it anymore. About twenty minutes into the class they seize up so badly, I have to stop. I spent the hideous amount of money on orthotics, but that made no difference. I do notice a big difference in buying good track shoes though, a big difference actually, so I don't mind spending the money on good shoes. All my shoes are good shoes. I don't wear crappy, cheap shoes. I rarely wear thongs. I think back to just after Sammy was born, and he was in NICU and I was staying at Ronald McDonald House. Sadly, my most vivid memory of that time, was the amount of pain I was in with my achilles from walking several times a day to go and spend time with my baby!!!

I'm on anti inflammatories permanently. If I stop taking them, my achilles seize up so badly, every step hurts. The arthritis in my fingers hurts so badly, I have trouble holding my husband's hand. Funnily enough I can cope with that stuff. I've had it so long, that it's just a part of me. It's just something I need to manage, and for the most part my pain levels are tolerable.

So why is it then, just as my hip settles and my leg doesn't ache with every step, does my shoulder and arm have to give me trouble? Like a said, a hypochondriac would drool over my aches and issues lol......

I've had to stop my weights now, because my shoulder needs to heel. The thing is, I couldn't do them if I tried. Opening the car door is hard. I've changed my handbag back to my leather backpack, because I can't hold a handbag in my right hand, or on my right shoulder anymore - even when I make it lighter by taking out the extraneous stuff.

I know my troubles are really minimal in this world we live in, but they are my troubles, and make me feel like crap. I just want to go about my day without needing to be in pain, without calculating my every move. I'm just so glad that I'm no longer carrying a small child around.

Chronic pain, with interspersed episodes of acute pain seems to be a way of life for me. I hate it and wish I was the person in my body that I'm in my mind!

Another whinge
~ I broke my tooth at the start of the week. Thank goodness I got it fixed quickly, but not after the dentist had earned himself a tidy $280 for the job!!!!! Thank God I have dental cover, so I only had to pay $160!!

Update

I'll update in words tomorrow. Good night.

The above cards are copied from the lastest Cards book. I loved the tree stamp and them stamped it again onto the orange patterned paper and cut out the leaves. It was very fiddly, but I love the result. The robot stamp, is the one that hasn't made it onto a card yet. I tend to do girlie cards and then whenever the kids get invited to a birthday party I always resort to a bought card.

Weekend

The weekend is always such a nice time. I wish they would last a little longer though. Yesterday I managed to get Billy-Joe his footy boots, and he bought a Tiger Woods Wii game with his pocket money. We had afternoon tea together, and then as a reward I checked out the Apple department in Myer. I could literally spend ages in there with the computer geeks. I have to control myself so that I don't start helping the people out that are perusing the other computers. I talked to one of the lovely geeks, about which Macbook to get. He's all but talked me out of the bottom of the line model. The quality of the screen is better on the aluminium Macbooks, as is the battery life. The trackpad had more functions too. I asked about Apple TV and even though I don't think I have a need for it, I am still impressed with its functions. You hook it up via HDMI cable to the TV and you can view your movies on your big screen TV, or up to five different things in the house actually. It works as another wireless storage point with all your itunes library, which can then be accessible to the other computers. Installing your own movies onto the device seems a bit convoluted though, as you need to use Handbrake to change the format of the movie. Handbranke, works well, but is extremely slow.

Mum and Dad came for dinner last night. I made my Green Curry and it was delicious and enjoyed by everyone. We had a lovely night, of wine, food and great conversation and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.

I showed them my Christmas DVD. I really need to get that finished and burned to DVD. I am quite happy with it. I would like to figure out how to get the camera to film better inside at night. The quality in low light, leaves a lot to be desired. When I read reviews before I bought it, I found that the quality was supposed to be okay. So maybe, I'm doing something wrong.

I have fixed the youtube videos now, they are no longer set to private (which is obviously the default). So I hope they work for you now.

Youtube practise

I've just fiddled with the settings so hopefully now you can view the videos. These are just taken on my little point and shoot camera, and are both over twelve months old. It was fun though, using iphoto09 to make them into somthing a little more special than SOOC (straight out of the camera).

Mickey was sick today, so I didn't get to the golf course with my camcorder. Billy-Joe played a game after the clinic and Sammy went really well, even putted a hole in on in the little putting game they play. As opposed to last week, where he sulked and skulked and was very unimpressed with himself. It's so good to know that whenever I sit him down to talk to him, he really thinks about what I say. He will go next week, and be really happy about it and each time his confidence will improve. I give him full credit for not giving up! Mickey wasn't well when he came home from school yesterday, and was not well during the night. When Bunny left, I got Mickey into bed with me and he slept for nearly three hours, and felt much better when he awoke. Hopefully it's just a 24 hour thing - not like Sammy who was crook for three days.

Autumn is in the air, and it's so lovely. I still miss the changing of the leaf colour, the southern states, 'do' autumn so much nicer (and much colder). The evenings are cooling down a little and it's just lovely. It's almost like the calendar turned over on the first of the month and the temperature obeyed accordingly. Something I've always found really amazing in this climate.

Scrapbooking was good last night as always. I made a couple of cards, I'll upload them later.

I have to go down to the coast this afternoon. Billy-Joe needs new footy boots and the kids need new underwear. Wii games are also on sale at KMart, so Billy-Joe will no doubt want to have a look.

This video is of Sammy learning to ride his bike in our tiny front yard, it shows the street where we live too. I added music to make them more interesting.

This still cracks me up.

Thank you

I can't believe it. I'm working tomorrow. I am over the moon. They haven't forgotten me lol.....

Not that I need reminding, but God does indeed listen to prayer. I know that, I also know he doesn't always say 'yes'.

This time He did.

Thank you.

Trivia

***20 YEARS AGO (1989)***
1) How old were you? almost 26
2) Who were you dating? Married to Ken (only just by this stage)
3) Where did you work? Target Head Office
4) Where did you live? Ocean Grove, Victoria.
5) Where did you hang out? Home, work, sewing classes, aerobic classes. I had few friends, very sad really.

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Yes,glasses since I was four years old.
7) Who were your best friends? My husband at the time, and my Mum who was living 2000km away.
8) How many tattoos did you have? None, and never will have.
9) How many piercings did you have? 2 in each ear
10) What kind of car did you drive? Commodore Executive (Company Vehicle)
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Dating/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married, again, but not for much longer.
14) Any kids? No

***15 YEARS AGO (1994)***
1) How old were you? 32
2) Who were you dating? I was engaged and living with Peter
3) Where did you work? I started a permanent teaching position, after I'd graduated from uni the year before.
4) Where did you live? Gold Coast Hinterland
5) Where did you hang out? At the local pub, and the major shopping centre mainly.
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? yes
7) Who were your best friends? Dimity
8) How many tattoos did you have? None
9) How many piercings did you have? No more.
10) What kind of car did you drive? Blue Ford Laser Hatch
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married
14) Any kids? No, but I had two cats, Kilkie and Charlie

***10 YEARS AGO (1999)***
1) How old were you? 37
2) Who were you dating? married to Peter
3) Where did you work? At home
4) Where did you live? Sunshine Coast
5) Where did you hang out?At home, and at Daisys, scrapbooking on a Friday night
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? yes
7) Who were your best friends? Barbi
8) How many tattoos did you have? None
9) How many piercings did you have? 4
10) What kind of car did you drive? A lemon of a car, a Toyota Lexen
11) Had you been to a real party? Yes
12) Had you had your heart broken? Yes
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divor ced? married
14) Any kids? One and another born on 29.12 (my birthday)

***TODAY (2009)***
1) How old are you? 46
2) Who are you dating? Married to Kendell
3) Where do you work? Special School
4) Where do you live?Nambour
5) Where do you hang out? At home whenever I can, and at Daisy's
6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? yes
7) Who are your best friends? Barbi, Karen, Suzy, Lisa, my parents, my husband,
8) How many tattoos did you have? none
9) How many piercings did you have? 4
10) What kind of car did you drive? Toyota Camry
11) Had you been to a real party? yes, but not for a long time
12) Had you had your heart broken? Thankfully my heart hasn't been broken in a very long time.
13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Married
14) Any kids? Three awesome kids.

Normalcy Returns

I feel better today than I've felt for weeks. The fog has lifted! It was partly due to my ever present depression rearing it's ugly head, plus a head cold. I already felt dreadful before I actually got sick, so it was obviously building up a few days before hand. I remember craving for naps in the days leading up to the retreat - days before I was unwell. Wouldn't it be nice, if this is it now for 2009. No more bugs or viruses for me! I can hope and pray. I will just keep eating well and taking my vitamins and exercising and I know it all contributes. Who knows how sick one would get without those things.

I started the day with washing, as always, then continued with more washing after I'd taken the kids to school. I headed out to the treadmill, with my ipod and current audio book. (New Moon by Stephanie Meyer). I was stuffed at the 25 minute mark, so walked the last five minutes. It seems the week's break took its toll on me. Plus it's still incredibly humid, that doesn't help. The sweat just runs down my body and there's not a breath of air.

I had an opportunity to have coffee with one girlfriend, but I declined, as my morning was full and Barbi was coming for coffee. I finished my housework and then took Bunny to the car place to have his CD/Tuner I'd bought him for Christmas installed. I brought him back home so he could at least eat something, and then drove him back out an hour later. I also had to get fuel, hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone as I was a little scruffy and hot looking - not how I'd normally leave the house. I couldn't wait to hit the shower when I got home. Now it's lunch time and the morning is gone.

It's week 6 and I've only worked one day this term. I hope that means that everyone is just incredibly well, not that they don't want me anymore. It's weird to go this long without work. Yesterday, the worry got to me. DB told me to enjoy my time at home and not feel guilty. Make the most of it he said. As is normal when I get myself in a tizz about things, I forget to pray. I am always ready to pray for thanks, very rarely asking for anything. So yesterday, I sat myself down and prayed - just handed it over. God will take my worry from me. It's a good feeling. It doens't mean I feel any less concern about not having work, just makes the problem seem shared, and not so dire anymore. This has happened many times in the last three years, and the situation has always resolved itself. Working my kind of job, is beyond my control. I don't know when I will work. I don't know how often I'll work. I only know that when I do work, I get paid well. It's a big tradeoff, but one I was willing to buy into. It's just something that the control freak in me finds a little difficult to deal with sometimes. And God helps smooth those edges for me. I don't control everything. The school could have any number of reasons for not ringing me at this stage.
* no-one is ill
* if a contract teacher's contract wasn't renewed from last year, they would get called before me, especially if it's a teacher who has worked there in a permanent capacity.

Things will change, when teachers become ill, or the previous contract teachers find other contracts to fill. I know I have a niche. Patience!

Hump day again. Where does the week go?

Sensitive Skin

For over 30 years I've had sensitive skin. It's selective sensitive skin, and I've pretty much worked it out. I have to change my mascara regularly, otherwise my eyes itch, but that's recommended and hygienically a good idea anyway. I can wear most moisturizers on my face without a problem. I can wear perfume, but can't wear it on my throat, and sometimes not on my décolletage either, as I'll end up in a rash. I can't wear fake jewellery as I end up with a major rash. That's not a huge problem though lol...but means I stay away from costume jewellery most of the time, as often the clasps or beads are metal which I react to. I have to be careful that jeans don't have pocket studs, as I'll flare up. I don't use soap on my nether regions because the skin is so sensitive and I'd end up burning and barely able to sit, I hurt so much. I have used the same deodorant for years and years. Rexona has always been good, a brand that I can wear without developing a nasty rash. It has never worried me, because I generally wear the same fragrance, but there are enough different ones if I want a change. I always come back to the Musk scented one. Last week, Billy-Joe took my deodorant to camp, so I bought a replacement. I noticed a new bottle shape, and hoped like mad that they hadn't changed the ingredient. I was fairly optimistic, I mean why would you change the contents, the outside is just to 'freshen' up the look of it, as it hadn't changed in years.

I am very disappointed! I have developed an itch under both underarms. The same itch I get whenever I've change my deodorant, or if I've used Peter's. I don't know what to do now. I still have some left, the one that Billy-Joe took to camp, but I am at a loss as to what to do when it runs out. I know it's not the aluminium that I'm allergic to, because that's in most deodorants. I have even tried the crystal type deodorant, and I still get a rash from it. Plus I hate the fact I have to wet it before I can use it, then I have a drip of water running down my body. I generally put deodorant on after I'm dressed too, to stop getting white marks on my clothes, so I don't want water dripping down when I'm already dressed. I have bought other brands which state they are hypo allergenic, but I still get a rash from them.

After some googling, I've discovered I'm not alone. Seems like all things internet though, they are usually American responses to Americans with the problem, so I can't try any of their recommendations because they aren't available here.

Going without is not an option. My search will continue.

I've lost my joie de vivre

I have none at all at the moment. The only joy I have is just being with my friends or loved ones. There's no energy left for anything else. I can't exercise, I can't read for long, I don't want to visit anyone, I can't create. I just do the bare minimum. I get up, shower, look after my family, clean, wash, and then am just happy to find my recliner and I sigh when I recline. I'm just exhausted, then I get up again later to cook and look for my bed earlier than what's usual for me. I take my daily vitamins, I had been taking echinacea and zinc tabs, but nothing really helps. If I don't feel any better on Monday, I will go to the doctor.

This morning, I promised to go and watch the kids at golf. I arrived an hour after them, giving myself a little more time in bed. I know on a Friday night, I should come home at a sensible hour, but it's a big highlight of my week, and I don't want it to end. I took my stuff last night, but needn't have bothered. It was 9.20pm before I sat down to scrap. Karen, Barbi and I, had caught up, and shared a bottle of wine. I crave for my time with Karen, and I'd enjoyed some quiet time with Barbi before everyone had arrived. We ate together, still wary of the Thai, so we had KFC instead. Later Karen and I did the frappe run. Scrumptious! I pottered on Barbi's computer, tidying up some things for her. The main object was to fix a problem with her antivirus program. In the end I couldn't fix it. I was sorry I couldn't fix it for her. I am so glad those kids of issues are no longer problems for me. When I buy a laptop later in the year, I won't have any qualms buying a mac, even though they're so much dearer that PCs.

I was home in bed by about 1.20am. Not early enough on a normal night, let alone a night I'm feeling like crap. I headed out to the golf course still and video camera in hand. I only grabbed the SLR at the last minute. Lucky I did because the video camera was as dead as a dodo bird. I got some okay shots. Next time I'll take my zoom I think. Much easier photographing golfers than footballers lol...... The kids enjoyed themselves although Sammy struggled. I'd asked Peter to have a quiet word with the instructor which he did today. I wanted him to know that Sammy needs constant reminders to refocus. The poor little mite, my heart aches for him watching him in these types of situations, and yet I know that it does him good to be exposed to different things. I watch Mickey, 8 years old and full of confidence, a far cry from the intrepid uncertainty and fear of failure and lack of confidence which his 9 year old brother displays. Next week, we'll leave Mickey and Billy-Joe to play the nine holes afterwards.

We discovered after we got home, that Sammy wasn't feeling well either.

I snoozed for three hours, I've just got up. Sammy has been lying down the entire time too. It's a very quiet household today. Peter is downstairs listening to the nags with his mate, Billy-Joe is upstairs too.

Saturday night is 'date night' with my husband. I am going to cook a green curry. It takes a little effort, but just tastes far better than any Thai I've eaten in an Australian restaurant, so it will make our night special. It will be a nice evening to just be together. The kids can go to bed early tonight.

I'll read some blogs, ichat Karen, then I'll upload some photos I took from today.

Thank you

I received another award today. I write my blog for me. I write my blog to remind me of things. I write my blog to help me work through things. I write my blog to help me become a better person. I write my blog to anazlyze and appreciate. And sometimes I write my blog, and it touches someone else. Thank you.

Following is a description of what the PROXIMIDADE Blog Award represents:

"This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY-nearness in space, time and relationships. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement! Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this clever-written text into the body of their award."

Busy Me

I'm making the most of my days at home. I know there's always a positive in everything, and that me being home a lot at the moment, isn't a bad thing. I can honestly say I feel relaxed and happy and very content at the moment. I have no money, but the bills are being paid and that's the main thing. I am able to be more patient with my kids and that's a really nice gift for me to be able to give to them. They don't deserve a cranky and tired Mum all the time.

I have been very busy this morning. I am happy that it's 11am and I can sit down and relax for a few hours until it's time to get my kids from school. I went down to the treadmill today for the first time in a week. This cold has left me feeling a bit lethargic, so I didn't go on yesterday, but really felt I needed to make the effort. I'm very happy I did. I have been introduced to the new world of audio books, so I'm looking for ways that I can listen to my books. Thanks to Alaine I have been introduced to this new world. It's something I have never considered doing before. But it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Why have I never thought of it before? Well, the truth is, I have thought about it before, but during my googling, I couldn't figure out how to do it that wouldn't be expensive. As far as I could tell, it was just as expensive as actually buying the book, and I didn't see the point of that. Alaine, gave me some books over the weekend and I have started Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I have been wanting to read the books ever since Suzy returned from Mackay, but I just hadn't bought them, seeing them as a treat that I would allow myself, once I had returned to work. Last night I downloaded the second book in the series and am very excited that I was able to figure out how to download the book and that it actually works. It's even got the same narrator as my first book. Alaine also gave me other books and I'm very excited to read them too. Never will housework, driving to get kids, cooking, be the same again, as I can listen to books. I'd like to get Billy-Joe hooked on it too, although I don't know how the ipod shuffle will cope with it.

I am also determined to work out how to use my new DVD recorder to how I want to use it. I have never been able to record anything, whether it be on a DVD or VCR as it was always too complex, I never did it often enough, and in the case of the years that Peter and I have been together, the original VCR he had, he no longer had the book for it. By the time we'd updated our VCRs I'd lost interest. And because he always hooked up things, and the stations were never on the correct number, I just got totally confused, and gave up. Now, however, everything is set up how it should be and the new DVD recorder makes it so much easier. I tried last night. Alaine and Sheree
recommended the show Dexter, so I've set about recording that as it's on when I watch Underbelly 2. I couldn't work out how to set the DVD recorder to record every Monday, but I posted on a forum last night, and before I'd gone to bed, there were three very helpful replies. I have set it up now, so I'm very excited that I took the time to work it out. I'd like to have shows to watch when the ratings season is over.

I am a bit tired now, a busy but productive morning and this cold, has sapped what little energy I had, out of me. I still have photos to edit of the advert shots I took for Barbi last week, so I need to finish those, so she can submit them.

As an aside, I am impressed with Alaine and Sheree's book reviews. Book reviews were my forte in school, but now I totally suck at them. My reviews on Good Reads are limited to whether I liked the book or not. I read others reviews and am amazed at the amount of thought an analysis they have put into their reading. As my memory has suffered in recent years, due to hormonal changes and my anti depressants, I am going to work on this aspect of reading. I have started taking Gingko Biloba a few weeks ago, and think I can already notice a difference. I am hoping, this too, will help with my reading. Alaine, talks about books and then asked for my response, and I couldn't answer her, because I just can't remember that level of detail. I only remember whether or not a book has left a lasting impression upon me, but I can't remember character names or specific happenings in the book. I am lucky if I remeber a general premise of the novel. I was once quick, analytical and focussed. I'd like to be that way again. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, just like Ali Edwards always has a word of the year, mine this year is 'Focus' and this is also for this goal of mine. I will go back to logging my books on Good Reads and will endeavour to have book reviews that are actually worth reading.

100 Things

I found this on my girlfriend's blog, and thought I'd give it a go. Not sure how well I'll go.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain (does it count when it was on a cog train?)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had Chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Wow, only 38 things.......an interesting exercise.

My Layouts done at the Retreat

 

These were taken on the morning over the holidays that Lisa and I took the kids to the park, they played and we chatted and drank coffee.

 

Mickey giving his Opa  big cuddle. I have journalled on the back of this layout, about his love for my children.

 

Photos taken at the Food and Wine Show 2008.

Great weekend for everyone

Everyone was excited about this weekend. I love the feeling of anticipation that every Friday holds - and that happens whether or not there's any grand plans for the weekend. We all come home Friday afternoon, with that smug content feeling of knowing that the next few days are going to be relaxing and fun. With the exception of dear Bunny, who still works on weekends, but he still loves the weekends too. No wonder he sleeps so well, he's exhausted.

All three boys decided to play golf for their sport this year. They enjoy going out on many Sundays with their Daddy and he enjoys taking them out there, although like any excursion when you take all three it's not an easy endeavour. We really encourage Sammy to go and play now, and he's the 'fly in the ointment' so to speak, because when you live by the beat of your own drum, playing something in a group can be a difficult thing to do. They started their clinic on Saturday morning. We bought them some smaller golf clubs so that they can be more comfortable and also have more chance of experiencing success when the clubs actually 'fit'. The kids had a great time, and went out again on Sunday to practise what they'd learned so far. Peter followed Sammy around on Saturday as he needed constant reminders to focus and to listen. I feel for him so much sometimes, when he just flies off with the fairies, and then gets frustrated because he only has half the information. I am wondering whether or not it's worth saying a few words to the coach. I have no dramas with someone constantly pulling up Sammy and making sure he's listening. He never gets cranky about that, and it always pulls him back to the present moment.

It's a cool thing that the boys are doing something all together, it's the first time. Peter is pretty rapt that they are showing such an interest for something he's so passionate about. He has visions of being in his 70s and having his adult kids come and get him for a game of golf. He's already told them he wants a buggy lol.......

I had a lovely weekend at the Daisy's Retreat. Friday night was a quiet night, and not much scrapbooking actually got done. There was a lot of talking and listening, in between dinner and cups of tea. It was a night of catching up and filling in the gaps and the opportunity to speak at length rather than the quick grabbed conversations of normal daily life, which in this case is mostly done via email.

On Saturday I felt pretty dreadful. I'd woken up with a sore throat, sore eyes and extremely tired. I even considered going home at one point, but decided that if I went home I'd feel more miserable, at least there, I could just sit and do nothing. At home I would always find something to do, and nor would I get my scrapping stuff out. I stayed, and when my headache and eyes really played up, I just listened to my ipod and looked through idea books. I did the class in the morning, which I finished, and it was great, because I didn't have to think. Suzy was quiet in the afternoon too, that second day of the retreat slump, when you've not had enough sleep. But that was okay, it was a companionable silence which we both needed. Later in the afternoon Suzy took me into town and I got some throat lollies and some cold tablets laden with zinc and echinacea. I don't find any benefit from the 'drug' type cold tabs, and I had some nasal spray which helps me breathe from the blocked sinuses. I went home early that night, and slept a little better than the night before. I don't know if it was the cold tabs, but I woke up on Sunday feeling a little better. The sore throat was almost gone, so at least I didn't feel like I was eating razor blades.

Sunday was a good day, and the scrapbooking also came a little easier. I always feel more creative on the Sunday and I have no idea why.

The weekend was an opportunity to nuture existing friendships, but to also turn acquaintances toward the road of friendship. Barbi's always clever table arrangements, meant that many of us were geeks and avid readers. The table just buzzed with ideas and books. My palm pilot was full of new blog links, authors and websites to explore in the coming days. I can't wait to see Alaine and Sheree again. It's a shame they live in Brisbane, but they are keen to come to all the retreats, so I just need to pray that they get onto the list as they are on waiting lists.

It was another weekend where I revelled in the power of good friendships. I learned heaps, got excited about new possibilities and was creative as a great bonus.

I was determined that this week would bring in some work. I also figured that as I generally don't like to work on the Monday after a retreat, that today I would definitely get a call!! Obviously I didn't get a call, as I'm sitting here updating my blog.

Alaine, kindly copied audio books onto my flash drive and also onto a DVD. I tried listening to Twilight last night, but I couldn't concentrate, it put me to sleep lol...... Alaine listens to it while she's doing housework, so I tried listening while I was doing something menial on the computer, where I had to be there, but didn't have to think, but I just switch off from it lol..... I'm going to have to start again. I think it's going to take a little getting used to. I don't know whether it's from the counless lectures I sat in on, when if someone just keeps on talking, the brain goes on 'holiday' and visits something else........ It's a skill, and I need to practise it.

I hope the coming week brings some work.

Love and thoughts and stuff

Valentines Day was yesterday and it's always a day we celebrate. My non work situation has meant I don't have the expendable income that I'm used to, so Dear Bunny didn't get a gift this year. As his wants are few, he was fine with that, and because he'd forgotten our wedding anniversary last year, felt it was more important for him to do something for me than to receive a gift. I did make a card for him. I'd bought one several weeks ago, but the girls gave me a hard time for buying one rather than making one, so I quickly made card on Friday night as I was packing up. Thanks to Barbi for throwing me the bits of paper, ribbon and the card. Actually, the card, though simple, came up rather nice. Using a black card rather than my usual white or ivory, was a nice change too. Peter bought me a beautiful perfume, bath gel and body lotion set. I was very happy with his thoughtful gift. Even moreso because he'd ventured out of the Bunny Zone and rarely (read never) goes to the coast to buy me a gift. So I was very impressed and touched. The perfume isn't something I would normally buy, but it smells beautiful on me, and he chose it which makes it special. He knew that my Sarah Jessica Parker 'Lovely' was nearly empty. We had a nice evening together, listening to music, eating good food and celebrating Valentines Day how it's supposed to be celebrated (wink!!).

On Friday night, and yesterday while I was scrapbooking I was thinking about things. I hate it when I lose my mo-jo which happens so frequently to me. Not 100% sure why it happens, but I know that it passes, eventually, although this slump has been a long one. Not buying new goodies, means there's not new inspiration right in front of me. I'm scrapping on a shoestring at the moment, so will 'make do'. In the end, it's about the photographs and the stories I need to tell. In years time, when my children enjoy the books, the paper will probably look revolting anyway lol.....it will date, like all things dictated by fashion and taste, so it will be the photos that have the enduring attraction. I did a layout a couple of years ago and it was titled, something I don't often do - 'I am therefore I scrapbook'. That's it in a nutshell. I am a pragmatist who likes to create. I like my things to serve a purpose as well as fill the need that I have to make something. Ever since childhood, I have always made things. Actually made should be in italics because the stuff was often very bumbling and childlike, but I felt the need to create. I've never been artistic, so it's not an artistic thing within me that is trying to break free. Unfortunatley my ability to be artistic has never ventured past about grade 3 standard. Even when I studied Art at university as part of my teaching degree, it still looked very childlike.

As a kid, I would knit, crochet, patchwork, make dolls clothes. I loved sewing things for my dolls. I enjoyed teaching myself how to crochet from a womens' magazine, and for months and months I was busy crocheting circles and squares. I can remember sitting in bed on winter's mornings on the weekend, busily crocheting a tablecloth for my Mum. I was so excited about this. In typical Jenny fashion, it was all the colours of the rainbow and everything in between. It became quite large, and fitted out picnic table. Mmmmm, what was I thinking, who'd want a wool tablecloth lol..... I would ask my Dad to buy me some wool. It was a secret between he and I. I only found out late into adulthood, that it was my Mum who actually bought the wool. My Dad worked long hours, and worked shift work, heading out to the wool shop wouldn't have rated on his daily to do list. He would give it to me though, so I was very happy. I had long hair at that point in time, so the tablecloth had more of me in it than just my time and love. My Mum's gratitude was worth every stitch I'd crocheted. She showed the gratitude and happiness that only a mother could show a child who has made her something can. It would have served far better as a knee rug, and something very useful in the cold miserable winters of Geelong. Why I decided it should be a tablecloth is beyond me lol.....

In my adult years, I still knitted. I was totally self taught, and without the internet, that was no mean feat, and I was very proud of my knitting. I could even knit a fair isle which was not an easy project to tackle. Since I've moved to Qld, I've only knitted a couple of things. I still like to do it, but our winters just don't need jumpers or heavy cardigans. Plus I'd hate to think how much it would cost to knit with what I'd like to use. Even 20 years ago, I'd pay around $50 for a jumper for myself. An expensive hobby, but a practical one as I always wore what I made. I also sewed, although my sewing was never as good as my knitting. I'd had lessons at one stage, and made a beautiful woolen suit. A wool, box pleated skirt and a lovely fully lined blazer to go with it. It was gorgeous, and I did a fantastic job on it. My problem was always fitting myself. I couldn't fit myself and as I used to be large busted and small waisted, all the patterns needed adjustment, a skill I never mastered. When I moved here I continued to sew a little, but I missed the variety of fabric that I was used to in Geelong. Nowadays I limit my sewing to repairs and my layouts. I am planning on making some new cushions for the lounge. I want to use a heavy brocade type fabric with a black velvet swirls. I know it won't be cheap, but I'll pay for four cushion covers, what one would cost me if I bought it ready made. Sewing isn't a cheap thing to do anymore. For the kids, it's so cheap to buy their clothes, so no need to sew. I had made the odd pjs, and dressing gowns, because they were cheaper made than bought, but that's about it.

Enter scrapbooking - centre stage. I'd seen a freind's album and thought it was just the best thing I'd ever seen. She told me I could do the same. I said, no, I am not artistic and I just wouldn't be able to do it. She made it her life's work to convince me otherwise. After my first Creative Memories party, I was hooked. This was a practical hobby that I could actually do. I love photo albums, but have always found something lacking because of the void of details. Scrapbooking, would allow me to showcase my photos and to add my thoughts and stories to the pages. My early foray into CM, made me do things which I wouldn't dream of doing now with a photo, but it was all part of the creative journey. It was as simple as, buy these pages, buy these stickers, buy this packet of cut triangles, use this idea book and voila you can create a beautiful page. The craft was very prescriptive and yes, even I could follow it and create lovely pages. My kids love those early books of their babyhood. I love them too, but not for their design elements. Why was every photo cut to within and inch of it's life lol........and to add insult to injury, why cut them all in ovals and circles. And if we didn't do that we went crazy on the corner rounder. I loved the cuting tools, I loved all their stuff. And one day I crossed over to the dark side! I entered a scrapbooking store and another whole new world was opened to me. I saw background papers, which filled an entire 12x12 layout, gorgeous stickers, and just so much much more than I'd ever dreamt of. I'd only just had the internet and was niiave enough to wonder if there was anything on the net about it. When I googled 'scrapbooking' for the first time I was astounded, and I spent hours and hours searching scrapbooking stores and just looking at all the lovely layouts within galleries. That was over 9 years ago.

Not long after this was when Barbi and I decided to start our own business, and Daisy Chain Scrapbooks was born. We didn't like the exclusivity that CM touted. We wanted to make scrapbooking accessible to everyone, and let everyone know, that it's okay to venture out and try new things, and that everyone's work has value and is beautiful.

While I still don't consider myself artistic, I do have an eye, and I know what elements work well together. I know when a layout works and when it doesn't. I find it easy 'fixing' other's layouts. I can create a balanced page. I love playing with the papers, cutting, sticking down, rummaging through my stash for other matching embellishments. I also write much more on my layouts now than I did in my CM days. I often write large amounts on the back of my page.

While scrapbooking fills that need within me to create, while serving a purpose by creating a visual journal for my children, there are other facets which are an integral part of my life. Scrapbooking has opened up a whole new sphere on the internet, and not just looking at pretty layouts, but by following blogs, following and learning from other lessons. Whether they are life skills or photographic, editing, or scrapbooking, they're all valuable, and willingly shared over the 'net. Through scrapbooking we can share our lives with our closest friends. Through scrapbooking I've managed to meet the most awesome bunch of women who are my closest friends. Having moved to a new state in adulthood, I had many lonely years. I always had family around me, or Bunny, but true, close girlfriends fill an important hole, that really no one else can fill. Scrapbooking started as a practical hobby, was my work at one stage when we started the business, so I was able to pass that love onto others, now it's a crucial cog in my social life. Every Friday night, even if I'm dog tired, I head out to spend the night, not really to create, but to debrief and spend time with the most important people outside of my family. By Friday I'm often just hanging for that gal pal company. I can fully be myself, the professional facade of work can be dropped. I think it's therapy for us all. We are all busy mothers with families and husbands and the demands of that are often quite overwhelming. Nothing more grounding than spending the evening with my closest friends.

So yes, I still need to create. It makes me fill good, to stand back and admire something I've put together. I'm working with the things I love dearly - photos of my loved ones, my family and friends. It doesn't get much better than that. Scrapbooking has helped me be 'present' and to be grateful for all that I have. I live in the here and now, and it's an empowering thought. No longer do I count days down to events, or feel that I will be happier when, I have that, or do that. I'm happy now, and for the large part, scrapbooking has helped me realize that.

Next weekend is another retreat. Yes I want to create layouts, but it's a time to just chill out, and feel free. I get to spend time with my girlfriend whom I don't get to see often enough, so it will be lots of fun. She is always so inspiring and encouraging of my work, so who knows what delights I can create this weekend.

Now I'll just have to pray for a day or two of work this week, that would just be wonderful, and take the pressure off, and give me a little extra to spend this weekend.