Going to re-commit.........again!!!

I have decided, after the last few months of eating too many goodies, that in the New Year, I am going back to WW. I have just had the weekend where I have eaten a few non healthy items, and, even though I didn't eat too much, I felt like crap. I couldn't believe that my stomach could feel so bad after eating the wrong things. Today I have gone back to whole grain bread, and will eat steak and yummy vegies for dinner. The new WW program sounds intersting, I know I will succeed this time.

Look forward to learning all about the new program.

Beautiful flower

Beautiful flower
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

I have always loved sunflowers. Ever since I was a child, and saw the huge fields of these magnficent flowers all facing and following the sun. I have tried to grow them without great success. This one is beautiful, although, not as large as I was hoping it would become. I love their huge, yellow brilliance.

Hand feeding the chooks

Handfeeding the chooks
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

The chooks belong to next door. The kids just love them. The chooks are totally free, and enjoy coming over into our yard. Sammy in particular has a real affection for the chooks. They handfeed them, call them, and even pick them up and give them a cuddle. I love this photo of Sammy,Caleb and Mickey.

I love the colours and composition of this photo.

Onkel Vikki in memorium

Onkel Vikki in memorium
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

I was so lucky to have spent Easter with my Uncle. I love this photograph!

Sad days.............

I am all cried out! My eyes hurt, I feel like I have a cold, I am tired, oh so tired.............. I got an email from Dad which I opened Sunday afternoon, to tell me that my Uncle Vikki had died............. I was stunned, shocked and felt sick! The details are still sketchy, as I am only in email contact with my Dad, and he is understandably devastated. I gathered that they went to a tourist attraction, and walked, and my Uncle had a massive heart attack. My Dad and others tried reviving him, but to no avail. I gather he died at the spot, never making it to hospital. My Dad also needed treatment in the ambulance..............the shock and the trauma combined with his own health condition, was all too much. Yesterday I lit a candle in memorium for my Uncle - I won't have a funeral to go to, only my own grief.....................

Ricky is coming to visit on Thursday night, so we will have a drink for our Uncle. My life has been truly blessed with little tragedy................and this is a tragedy, something you can never be ready for, something you can never explain to another, something which hurts so deeply.

My parents went overseas to spend time with family, and now they are organizing my Uncle's effects................

Above Purlingbrook Falls

Above Purlingbrook Falls
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

This weekend, we were away and I actually found this spot in the shade. I have been wanting to try this techniqe for so long, and I am happy with the effect although I can't wait to try it with a ND filter some time down the track.

Feeling of deja vu

I have just finished reading another girl's blog - I was astounded because it was like I was reading about myself in about 1986. I remember when I was left alone for two weeks at a time, I really struggled. I cried every single night. I panicked about having the put petrol in the car just like this girl is, and I had a company car where I got the fuel for free. I ended up getting one of the other guys to put the fuel in for me. I was petrified about driving myself everywhere, I had no kids and was incredibly lonely..............

I feel for her, and I know that it was so stupid feeling like that. It wouldn't worry me as much anymore. I would miss dh yes..........but I would cope okay, especially once the kids were tucked in bed for the night..........

I have come a long, long way in nearly twenty years........... I will never lose my independence.............ever!!!!

Mama never told me there'd be days like these...........

I have had a wierd kind of day. The kind of day that I used to have alot of once.. The type of day when you don't want to get out of bed, and the 'to do list' is a mile long, and you feel lethargic and heavy as you drag yourself around doing your chores. I used to have days like this all the time, when my depression was untreated, and in the early days of treatment before the dosage of meds was right. The good thing nowadays is, that I know it will pass, I know there is an end to my mood, that it doesn't last very long any more............ Still knocks me for six when it happens though. I have to push myself to complete even the most simplest of tasks. I think back to the days when I am jumping out of my skin, flying through my chores, enjoying my exercise and I think of how today, I feel like I couldn't even walk out of sight on a dark night, let alone a brisk 4 km walk. I have work to do, and I am behind. I know in my heart that I function better knowing I have things to do.........I know I get bored so very easily, but it's still hard to drag myself through the day. It's evening now, and I do feel a bit better. Tomorrow is a new day.............

Using Robin Purcells B&W action

Using Robin Purcells B&W action
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

I think the other photo makes Billy-Joe and I look a bit hard. This conversion was done using Robin Purcell's action in Photoshop 7. It has a bluish tinge to it, but I quite like it.............

There is just so much to try and to learn.

A rare, quiet moment.

rarequietmoment
Originally uploaded by Jazzmin.

Life is so noisy in this household with three boisterous boys. My photos offer me very therapeutic moments, far beyond just the appreciation of photography as an art form. I can look over images, and remember the quiet moments. They are there.............just few and far between.

Accomplishments.

My youngest son turned 4 years old yesterday! What a great day we had. He spent the day at day care, sent along with enough patty cakes for the entire class. I stayed home and cooked up a storm in preparation for all the guests. I made sausage rolls from scratch, more patty cakes (from scratch), a birthday cake (from packet), sandwiches, and pizza, (from scratch). There was a tonne of food and it was delicious. Mickey had a great time, his main present, a scooter, being a highlight for him. He has been eyeing off the scooter at Toyworld for the longest time........

Last night I lay in bed, thinking back over the day. I considered what I had achieved and felt really proud of myself. I had worked hard all day, and even included my 4km walk. I realized that it was the first time in many years, that I had cooked up such a storm. For many years now I have resorted to buying the food, because I just haven't had the time or the energy or inclination to cook things from scratch. It always seemed like just too much. Since I have been on my anti depressants, I have improved greatly. Since starting HRT I have improved even more. Having the testosterone implant is responsible for this renewed energy. I used to just get tired thinking about doing what I did yesterday, and I accomplished it all yesterday without stress and really enjoyed myself................

On the WW front, I really believe I have hit on a winning formula. Okay I don't manage my points correctly everyday, but I don't feel deprived. While I am exercising I know that I am doing my body a favour, and that if I 'behave' most days, surely it will pay off in the long run.

I just need to keep the bigger picture in mind........

The sun is out......

It's me again! I know, I know, I don't post here nearly often enough.........sometimes I feel as if I have nothing to say.......

The sun is shining today, and with the disappearance of the clouds and incessant rain, has gone my melancholy mood. I hate the rain.................it pi**es me off no end to have it raining, day in day out..... I have always hated it........... Since I have had children, I find it even a bigger inconvenience... My car isn't parked undercover, so by the time I buckle kids into car seats, thankfully now it's only one, and get into the car myself, I am drenched!!!! If I were an octopus, I could wrangle all that with a brolly, but that wouldn't work............

The school holidays are drawing to an end and my three boys have barely been able to play outside.......not good for their energy levels or my sanity :)

Thank God for day care and a great holiday care program.......they have somewhere fun to go where they don't get roused at!! Their friends are there and they organize some great activities.......I take my hat off to those women.....

On the weightloss front, I am feeling good. I haven't lost any in the last couple of weeks, but haven't put any on either, so that makes me happy. I have started walking again as of today..........(did I tell you how much I hated the rain???)................ The sun is shining and it is a magical day. Just gorgeous. I walked my 4km and feel fantastic.

I contemplate my weight loss journey every day......sometimes I feel good about it like today and sometimes I just wonder what the hell am I doing in this fat body???? As my youngest turns 4 on Tuesday, I have been thinking back to his babyhood, and have realized just how far I have come with my weight. I was just under 90kg when he was born accccckkkkk.....................
I look back at old photos and I was quite big.......never really looked or felt that big at the time, I think God gives you Rose coloured glasses to wear for the first months after you have had a baby............thank goodness. I didn't need to be stressing about my weight at that time........

I am now 71kg!! That's almost 20kg off...............That's the big picture, not the fact that I am struggle to lose another 5kg and it's taken me forever...........I have to remind myself how far I have come. I have put the odd kilo back on again over holidays etc, and then have always lost it again........... I know I will never go back to that weight again. Now that I am actually watching my food and walking, I should see some good results soon. I know I probably don't the program (Weight Watchers) justice by allowing myself to go over in points some days, for special occassions, but I allow myself that, and I am okay with it................ This is what I figure.............
we don't have the money to go to places, we can't take the kids to the movies, theme parks, fun parks, and the like...........we do family things, which are bbqs, and dining and entertaining at home with family.........that is our life......... and I love it. And while I don't go all out and have fatty food, I do choose healthier food, if I wan to have some camenbert cheese I will have it...... I don't want to live in this state of denial......I don't want to resent the fact that this lovely food is there and I CAN't have it.............. I just know that I can't eat it every day , or I can't eat half the cheese............It's all about MODERATION!! That has always been my Mum's mantra..........in all things.........

Last weekend we celebrated my Dad's 75th birthday. We surprised him with a digital camera. It was great fun planning it.........even though I can't really afford it, but I was determined to make it happen.......... I knew that if I suggested it to Ricky, he would make it happen..............so my Dad is having loads of fun with it......can't wait to teach him how to use Photoshop Elements 3.............

Thanks for listening to me today...............

I have a website which I have found very interesting. I found this by accident, as this woman is well versed in a software program that I use, so I have visited her site for that. Her site about walking, could have been written by me............. Read all the excuses.....that's me............

Anyway, tomorrow, I have scheduled in a walk, (after my mammogram), and then I can play on the computer. The next walk is on Wednesday afternoon, if Dh isn't working late. My next planned on is for Friday morning. And then I can fit in another over the weekend, that won't be a problem. I need to tell myself that if I can only go twice in a week, then that's better than none at all. I just always feel that if I can't do it properly then why do it halfway. I know I need to keep the big picture in focus, and not just think about the week ahead. I know that I need to do this for life, so I virtually am stuck with about 20-22 points per day for quite a long time yet. And then who knows how low I need to stay to maintain when I do finally reach my goal weight.

P.S. Here is the site if anyone's

Where I am at.......

I have had a week of indulgences........... I allowed myself to go over in my points and then I don't get back on track like I plan. I really need to reassess where I am at. I know that I need to do WW to lose weight.........I also know I need to make exercise a priority in my life. Since cost is a factor, walking is really the only option..........

Below is the copy of a post I made to a thread on the WW forum. This is to a lady who posts her food diary. She eats some delicious food, and exercises heaps. and eats her bonus points too. She is quite an inspiration.......

"Gwyneth, thank you for your story and history with WW. I too am a LTM, which I reached 19 years ago in my mid 20's. Since then I have had three children (in my mid to late 30's) and have put on weight with each child. I have lost most of it, but started WW again last Easter (2004). I got down to my WW goal weight, at 68kg, and then maintained for awhile, until Christmas. This Easter I weighed in at 74kg, so have returned to WW. Although I am really struggling with it. I find that I have had alot of things on over the weekends, so I save like mad all week, and then allow my extravagances on the weekend. I find however, that I lose weight, and then it goes back on over the weekend, so obviosly my body doesn't like the extra food. I am not exercising at the moment, with young kids and a dh that comes home too late I need to really strategize my exercise time...........I need to make it a priority. I could go on the weekends and then one or two days during the week, that would be better than nothing. I enjoy the healthy way of eating, but I am finding it really hard to stay focussed.........when I lost my weight years ago, I found it really easy, and the program was much stricter than it is now.....as you know.

I am interested that you eat your bonus points, and I like the fact that you eat really well, you eat a good variety of food too. Thank you so much for publishing your diary in a public forum, it is a huge help.............."

Why is it not moving?

I have been doing this WW thing for three weeks, and apart from a small loss, the scales show virtually nothing............. I don't know what to do. I just feel that it's not coming off, and I don't know why. I have gone over my week's food. I will watch my sugar points, by decreasing my wine intake. Although in the whole grand scheme of things, whether your kilojoules are from wine or healthy stuff, the end result should be the same..........less input, more weight should fall off.............

Maybe I should ditch the scales again. I hate having them stare up at me with the same number on them. I won't throw in the towel as yet. I am going back to the Dr. today, so will hopefully sort out some sleep problelms, I feel like the wreck of the hesperis!!! I enjoy being on WW, because when I have a treat, it's totally guilt free.............

Oh why does it have to be so damn hard?

Jayess
Posted by Hello

Positive thoughts

Here I am, it's day 4 and I am feeling absolutely wonderfully and fantastically positive about this whole WW experience. I have some challenges ahead of me this weekend. My brother's birthday, and we are all at my Mum and Dad's place, for the first time in many years..........so a very special night. I have heaps of points saved. It's now 2pm, and I may eat some fruit or something, but I have 21 points saved up for tonight, so feel very much in control. Today I tried the WW Beef Burgundy frozen meal for lunch. I wanted something that was 'nice' but low in points. For two points this meal is fantastic value. Tomorrow night dh and I will probably cook something yummy, but if we use prawns and heaps of vegies, it's never alot of points anyway..........

I just went and had my eyes tested today, and, have ordered new glasses. They are red again..........thought that could be my trademark.. especially as I don't currently have red shoes.

Looking forward to a long weekend..........

Jayess
Posted by Hello

Jayess

Here I am

I have spent a bit of time of late reading other people's blogs, and find then very inspiring and insightful. Generally I read those of others who are trying, like me to lose weight on the Weight Watcher program, but I have read other, unrelated ones too.

I am on Day 2, of trying to lose weight at home. I follow the Weight Watchers program where I am given an allotted amount of points, which relate to specific amounts of food for each day.

In this blog I hope to follow my progress, relay my thoughts and ideas, so that hopefully I can inspire someone else along the same journey.