Saturday, September 20, 2008

Mickey's realization

Mickey came up to me yesterday and asked about the other “Uncle Ricky’ - not the one that has Julia and Kiana, but the other one.... I said, you mean Onkel Vikki, ?
”Yeah Mum that’s the one. Where is he?“

”Honey he died, remember. He’s in heaven“

HIs lip dropped and I could see him thinking and I could almost feel the questions which were in his heart.
”Come here Sweetheart. Sit on my lap and tell me what you’re thinking“.

He just buried his little head into my neck and started to cry. It was at that moment, that he realized the finality of death. That incredible split second, where he realized the finality and irreversible nature of death.

I explained to him, that we all die. That people get old and die. I told him that was much better than being sick and young and dying, and how important it was to make the most of all the people we love while they are with us. I told him Onkel Vikki was in heaven and that we would all be together one day.

”Can we breathe in heaven Mummy?“

” I’m not sure we need to Honey.“

By this stage, I was getting a little teary. My grief not that far below the surface for Onkel Vikki’s loss either. I went out and brought in some washing, Mickey headed off with some sense of urgency. He came back to me with a lanyard. On the lanyard was hanging a picture which he’d labelled

‘I love Mum and Dad and Onkel Vikki”

His last actions affected me most of all. He stood in front of the photo of  Onkel Vikki and myself and put little crosses on our hearts and our heads.

Everyday you grow up a little more little man. I love you - and I love the ‘bigger boy’ that you are fast becoming.

I love the softness in my kids and the fact that family is paramount to us all.

I still have the email my Dad sent, telling me of Onkel Vikki’s death. I rarely if ever print out emails, I couldn’t bring myself to delete that email, so I had to print it out. I can’t delete his address in my address book, nor my Oma’s for that matter and she died 14 years ago. Some things can’t be erased.

I never remember the exact date of your passing, dear Onkel Vikki, but tonight, I light a candle for you.

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