Am I doing the right thing?

Do you ever second guess yourself? Do you ever thing about something, and a part of you thinks you are doing the right thing, and the other part of you is really unsure and quite nervous about the thought of change.

I have come to a point in my life where I am evaluating everything that I am doing with my body. I have kissed dieting goodbye............. Do you know, I have had enough! I don't want to eat low fat, low taste crap ever again! I don't want to have to weigh my food, I don't want to have to feel guilty about eating something nice. If I am hungry, I will eat. If I want something yummy I will have it and to hell with the guilt. It's very liberating.......... And the amazing part of it all, is that I haven't put on any weight. Can you believe it??? I am actually more satisfied with my food, feeling more content and am eating less. I am eating good quality food, and I still eat healthy 90% of the time anyway, because I actually prefer wholegrain breads, and I love salad and vegetables, and I love lean meat, chicken and seafood. I love yoghurts, I now eat low fat Vaalia which is yummo, but I buy some greek yoghurt for a treat too. I drink full cream milk sometimes, or I buy low fat, I won't have skim anymore, I can't drink it. I drink about 1-2L of milk a week, it's not going to kill me if I don't have skim. And it tastes like real milk - not like insipid blue crap that only passes for milk if you squint and drink it really quickly. I had been drinking it for over 20 years.............. I don't have cake in my house very often, and when I do, I am going to eat some. I don't have chocolate in the house all the time, and if I do I am going to have some. I don't eat chips and other snack stuff. I have maybe one take away meal a week, and it's usually a Thai meal with a girlfriend. I love that meal. I have pizza about once a month........... I do everything in moderation...... I can hear my Mum's mantra........." Everything in moderation " I think I get it now......... I love to drink wine. I pour my wine into a huge goblet and put the smallest amount of wine in it, because I don't like it getting warm. This way I have three wines and I have probably had two small glasses in reality.........

Okay, so I have looked at the food and the drink, I exercise at the gym, which I love doing. I do a pump class with the weights and I love doing the old fashioned style aerobics with legwork that nearly kills you. I don't jump around like a lunatic........the high impact stuff went out a long time ago...thank goodness. I love the feeling of developing muscles and getting stronger. I also really enjoy the pilates or yoga classes when I can fit it in....... (you know, sometimes life just gets in the way lol..........)

So that left one more thing which I ingest..... My medication. I have despaired over my body shape for the last few years (post kids) I always had a good figure and now I feel like I have the body of an old lady. You know the ones, fairly slim everywhere but have a tummy like a bubble...........that's me. Muffin pants to the max - just the most beautiful look....................accccckkkkkk!!! So what am I doing wrong?? I do alot of reading and research on the 'net and I have come to the conclusion that maybe my medication is the problem. Dh has read an article too, where it states that anti depressants, HRT and anti inflammatory drugs can lead to resistant weight loss. Well - have a guess what?? I have the trifecta!!! I am on all three drugs. So,I have some changes to make here. I have been on antidepressant s on and off now for 17 years, and continuously for the last 4 years. I feel fantastic~ maybe now it's time to go off those. So last night I started dropping the dose, and I lay in bed with my heart going a gazillion miles and hour. You see they help me sleep and I was literally shitting myself that I wouldn't sleep! I was all set to just relax, listen to my ipod and just be prepared to ride this through, because the next week or more can be a bit tough........ I had a great night's sleep. So I will continue with half a pill for a week and then I may try a quarter for a week and then none................. That's the change that is really scaring me. I have felt so good for the last two years now, that I don't want to go off the drugs, because I am scared of what I may go back to. But I guess, it's that kind of thinking that may head me in the wrong direction,so I just need to be confident in myself that I can do this. I feel good about this decision........... The next thing I already changed was I stopped my anti inflammatory medication. Since my back surgery in 1989 I have been on them on and off, and then in the last couple of years i just take one every day. When I had my breast reduction done, I had to stop those tablets before the surgery and I was in so much pain. I didn't realize how much those pills helped me. And it's not just my back, my hips, my achilles and my thorasic spine, all gave me grief, all the arthritis and old injuries came back to haunt me big time..... So I have bought a big tub of Glucosamine, MSM and Chondroiton powder which I now take instead. Does't taste the best, but I can stomach it, because it's better than taking a pill. So that leaves the third medication.

On Friday I am seeing a new Doctor about natural HRT. He has some great success and will monitor me closely with blood tests, so I am confident that he will look after me. If it was someone who said, just use this cream and you will be right, I would be dubious, but he redoes the bloods to keep an eye on me........ I just wonder what will he think when he meets me. I am a hormonal cocktail. I have my oestrogen from my current HRT, progesterone from my Mirena, and testosterone from an inplant!!!!!

I will report back when I have spoken to him. It will be very interesting indeed.

So the new journey begins in earnest.