I'm glad I made the effort to go into Daisy's. I've not done any scrapping or card making for months now, and even though I had good intentions with my stuff in the boot, I didn't even get it out of the car. I needed to be with my close friends, to just chat and be normal.
I shed some tears and enjoyed being surrounded by friends. I was home around eleven. I read from a beautiful Max Lucado book that my dear friend Barbi bought me, and I found some solace there.
This morning, I was rudely awoken by a grumpy husband. Mickey had thrown something in the bin, which was actually a gift left at the front door. My kids are well trained, that if there's a plastic bag at the door, it needs to be taken to the rubbish, this time, though, it was a bottle of wine left by a neighbour. Naturally Peter was cranky, and I awoke with his initial outburst. That seems to have set the tone for the day.
I'm on auto pilot. I don't want to do Christmas Eve. A day that's always been a highlight for me, has no lustre this year. It's raining outside, and my heart too is filled with tears. How can I prepare food and have everyone here to celebrate when one of the main guests is no longer here. I'm finding today harder than any other day so far. My heart is heavy, and I have much that still needs to be done.
Peter went out earlier to say goodbye to my Uncle who came up for the funeral, and he came back and said everyone was coming later, than usual. This has given me a reprieve. Time to collect myself and get organized without the rush.
The gifts are under the tree, they look meagre. Thank God I'd already bought them before Dad died, otherwise I doubt there'd be anything at all.
I've prayed lots already this morning. For comfort and peace........
As we come together this afternoon, I pray that we can still rejoice. I want to rejoice in the birth of your Son, and also in the aura of the wonderful family I have. Lord, give me strength, to get through today and tomorrow with grace and serenity. Lord, give my Mum and Ricky the peace too, so they can enjoy this time as well. I know that Dad is forever in our hearts and that he wouldn't want us to be miserable today. Knowing is one thing, but I want to feel that and be comfortable with that in my heart. I have been filled with your peace and your holy spirit all week long, I've felt your presence there, very strongly. Please continue to comfort me.
In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit - Amen.
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