Health

I'm always so watchful of my health. It's something I guard and watch over. Not obsessively but sensibly.

I had a flu vax on Monday. The doctor told me it was free because of my aaaa...... I was nearly ready to be sad then, until he said arthritis and not age lol.

The nurse took my BP. It was high. Too high. I've not seen figures like that since I was pregnant with Mickey.

So, I've been monitoring it all week. It's still too high.


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Location:Home

Time is precious.

I'm just so acutely aware of how precious time is. Perhaps it's to do with the fact I'm getting older, time is whizzing by and yet I have so much I've yet to achieve in my life.
When the kids were little, I never thought I'd have this zest and zeal for a life of my own back. From the day I suspected I was pregnant with Billy-Joe my life changed irrevocably forever. In an instant I lost my selfishness and my whole life was no longer about me.
In the next 13 or so years of motherhood and two more kidlets I didn't think much about the future. Each day was about looking after my kids and my family and keeping myself as healthy as I could so I could cope with it all. Now that I've found my individuality again and now that I'm more than Mum, wife, cook and organizer I'm keenly aware that as I approach my 50th birthday that I have so much I still want to do and achieve for Me!! Sure, my family will benefit from some of it, as far as financial stability and gain goes, but for the most part this university degree is for me. I've become selfish again and with my family's blessing can pursue this new adventure and direction that my life is taking.
Stay with me, as I realize once again I've digressed, there is a point to this message.
This morning I head out to pick up my MacBook that has been in the service department of a computer store for two weeks. It has a new battery and a new cooling component fitted. I head out to the store where I dropped it off, and it's closed!!! I checked the shop hours with the technician yesterday, so someone has given me wrong information. After a quick phone call they told me that the sister store was open, not the one where I was. They'd not specified that! As I was already out and about, I headed out to the other shop. There I picked up my MacBook and thankfully I decided to stop into MaccyDs to have a coffee. Within ten minutes the computer crashed!! I took it back to the store and left it with them. I arrived back home, three hours (emptyhanded) after I'd left it for my unplanned tour of the coast.
I felt like I'd wasted three hours of my life. I wasn't angry, just a little disappointed.
Age can be wonderful at times. I don't have anger within me. I wasn't angry at the guys in the store, wasn't angry when I recounted the events to my husband. I was just a little sorry I'd lost three hours. I believe it's a gift to not have anger. I feel a peace within me which is palpable. I'm not sure what caused it. God, age, contentment, happiness? I'm not sure, a huge combination of all of those I think.
Instead of anger I drove around loving the fact I have a new little car, the day was glorious after all the rain we've had. I don't miss anger. Anger hurts and eats away at your insides. Anger wouldn't make my MacBook fixed. Anger would only damage.
I'm grateful for the peace.
I hope you have peace in your heart too.
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Location:Home

Work Smarter and Harder

I got two assignments back today. I'm a little flat. One I got a Distinction in and the other I'd originally failed. Then I showed the tutor that I had done a section and she gave me the additional marks so now I've passed. I've only ever done poorly once on an assignment. The sad thing is that it wasn't a difficult assessment piece. But I didn't answer the question properly. Mind you, many failed as they missed the point completely. I'm disappointed in myself. The other assignment I should have got a HD. It was difficult either, but it was time consuming.

So I've decided to work harder. I need to pay more attention to detail so that I don't miss things.

A busy five hours at uni today. I told the kids I wouldn't be doing much study over the holidays but I will be changing that. A group of us have a presentation to do about barbiturate overdose. We can make a start on that over the holidays.

Again, I'm so grateful that I changed my Prac. I wouldn't be able to physically get everything done otherwise.

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Assignment finished

I finished the assignment. Ive spent far too much time on it but I'm not doing it again.

It's certainly an area that interests me. At least I understand much better and I could look at one and know what I'm looking at.

Now a little time to relax.

Dad, it's me. I wonder if you've seen Opa yet. He will be looking for you. We are all going well down here. The weather is revolting. You would love it as much as me. Seeing as we both loathe going out in it. I love it when th screensaver comes up on the iMac and there's the photo taken a few Easters back where you're walking quickly in the drizzle ducking low but using your hands to protect your camera when you really want to cover your head. I hate getting wet too, and lately we've had so much rain. You'd be constantly emptying your rain gauge.

I went to see Mum this week but she slept in as it was teeming and I was early. You'd be so proud of her. She wanted to listen to the music you loved so much and she plugged in your little speaker dock. She was very concerned that all they did was make a humming noise. We laughed when I discovered she hadn't even plugged in the iPod into the dock!!!! I don't know where she thought the music was going to come from. I played a bars of the music and she asked me to turn it off. She cried Dad. You both would listen to that music all the time. Many lovely memories and special evenings were spent with that music. I cried too and we held each other. In time she will listen to it again and it will bring you close again. For now, it's still too hurtful.

Love you Dad. Xxxx

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Words

Ive got loads to say as per usual. Whether it makes it into print is not always a given. My Opa died on Sunday. Kind of surreal that my grandfather died three months after my father. I feel sad for my Mum of course and my Uncle and step grandmother. Apparently Opa was in a lot of pain for the last few days prior to his death, so he would certainly be at peace now. Uni is hard. I gave this assignment due on Monday which is about reading and diagnosing off an ECG. To say its hard is an understatement. I've noticed that the subjects I'm taking which are run by nurses are awesome. The ones run by academics/researchers/mad professors are ridiculous in their expectations. Last year I got a Distinction for a professor run subject. If only I could be so lucky this semester. I will be happy to pass. I can look at an ECG and see where the atria and ventricles contract and relax. The issue I have, is that as a nurse, I'd be expected to put the leads in the right place and hand the strip of paper to the doctor. Mind you, now I'll be looking at them and looking for anomalies. A friend of mine, said that many who have the assignment don't even know what the PQRST waves actually denote. I'm not amongst that group thankfully. Mind you, I do find it fascinating though. Cardiac or oncology. I don't know where I'll specialize. A friend of mine is running for the Buderim seat in the state election on Saturday. I'm helping her and was supposed to be getting all the banners and information tonight and I decided to avoid the rain and go and get it tomorrow afternoon instead. I've got to see the doctor tomorrow. I have to have my final Hep B shot to get my titre levels up so that all is good with going on placement. Apart from my pathophysiology subject, I'm feeling so confident. Confronted with an I've machine for the first time on Tuesday I was able to set up an IV and put in the relevant data. I just can't wait to be in a hospital. I've got two assessment pieces due in on Monday. One of which I've already done as it's an ongoing weekly workbook that I keep up to date. I had a girl on Tuesday wanting to see my book!!!! No way I wasn't going to show her and give her answers. Not to someone who asks what a gravity fed IV pump is!!!!! I work with my friends and we help each other but I'm not giving my hard work to a stranger to copy. We are all looking forward to the Easter Break.

Busy

It's been an overwhelmingly busy week and weekend. I've found it really tough actually. A few things contributed. All week I felt like I was fighting off a virus. So I didn't become ill thankfully but I felt off. My eyes burned and my glands were swollen and I was so incredibly tired. Added to that I felt so sad about Dad. Missing him so much that it hurts. I've dreamt of him most nights too. My workload this week was huge too. With each subject having its own workbooks, most to be submitted and form part of our assessment, lots of heavy pre reading and two assignments due tomorrow I didn't think I'd get to the bottom of my to do list.

It took me ten hours to do one assignment. I seriously underestimated how hard it would be. You know when you can write down the answers but then you need to ensure you have the citations to back it all up. I felt rather elated uploading two assignments this afternoon.

Now I've enjoyed a cup of tea and am about to head into my pre reading.


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A Letter

Hi Dad How are you going up there? No doubt you're giving all those angels a hard time. Actually they're probably having lots of fun with your. You'd be making them laugh and tripping over things and making them laugh all over again. I know now that you're no longer out of breath and that you can do things even if you've just eaten a big meal. You can dance and walk and do everything without ever worrying about cheat pain again. I've been doing so much study and interestingly the main things we've covered so far I can relate to you. Between heart issues, and your embolism, I can see why God took you. I'm still constantly grateful that we had you for as long as we did. Mum is doing well. You'd be proud of her. She's amazing and is making a new life for herself. We talk about you a lot and we love laughing about the things you've done. I'm glad she's got Beverly to take her out on weekends. They go exploring, out to lunch and enjoy being together. I miss you so much. I want to tell you things. I have to think that heaven has good technology and that you ate kept up to date lol. The new iPad information was released today. I've been waiting for it for months. I'll buy it and Mickey can have the old one. He's very excited about it. It will end up being the family one and everyone can enjoy it. The iPad has become invaluable to me Dad. I use it all the time. Mind you I still use the MacBook and the iMa, they all fit their purpose. I'm tired Dad. Uni is so incredibly full on. This is a huge semester. Even the tutors have acknowledged it. I'm hanging in there though. The stuff I'm learning is just fascinating. I'm learning about drugs, how they work, how illnesses are caused, right down to the cellular level. It's crazy in a way, the level that they want us to learn to. I doubt that people know just how well educated nurses are. I'm loving the course Dad and can't wait to be on the hospital floor. I went the other day to visit a girlfriend who is ill, and it's a place where I feel comfortable. And it's a place where I want to be. I'm keen to know how I'll cope with full time work. The Prac coming up in July will give me an idea. At the moment though I'm shattered. So tired. So much work to do. I chat to you in my head everyday Dad. In my prayers I ask God to pass on messages. I don't know if that works but it makes me feel better to think that you are knowing what's going on in our lives. I love you Dad. Always and Forever. Jenny xxxxxxx

Good but tired

It's been another huge week. Only another 11 or so more weeks of tuition. I'm glad we've got Easter in its midst. Today I'm tired. A few early starts and a huge Wednesday and I'm looking forward to the weekend. Six hours back to back tutes and lectures is rather intense. I'm glad the content is so interesting as I'm able to concentrate the entire time, without even getting lost. Last semester there were some two hour lectures of anatomy and physiology where the last half hour was lost on me. So far so good this semester. I've started one of my assessments, so I'm glad to make a beginning. Today I had an appointment with my rheumatologist. I'm going to persevere with the Simponi for another three months. Clinically I've not gained any benefits from what I'm on but perhaps it's too soon to tell. The drug is an immunosuppressant so that's my main concern. I'll need to go off it for a while so I can have my yellow fever vaccination for Tanzania. Being a live vaccine we need to be careful. I actually had about seven days where I had hardly any pain, I felt so much better. Unfortunately the pain is coming through again. I don't know why I only get short term coverage. Oh well, I'll keep going with the treatment. There are different ones I can try, this drug needs a longer trial from me before we change. I've done an hour on my exercise bike today. That's three hours this week. I enjoy it and find it relaxing. I've been watching 'The Straits' on iView. Looking forward to a nice dinner of Fettuccine Fungi and a glass if wine or three.

Happy

Have you ever had times when you've felt so happy, that you're just waiting for something to go wrong? It's like everything is too good to be true. The only taint in my happiness, is when I think of something I want to tell my Dad, I'm struck with a longing that hurts so deeply. Today I went to my Mum's house and I looked into Dad's room. I couldn't help it. He is still so much a part of my life. I think of him so many many times each day. Often with happiness, but when I come across something unexpectedly it grips me and hurts inside. Last weekend I went through my Facebook friends to do a regular cull of people who aren't really friends but are simply acquaintances. I came across my Dad. I can't delete him. He will remain in my friend list for ever. I initially wanted to delete his Facebook page, but I can't do that either. Other than missing my Dad, I'm so happy, blissfully happy actually. Uni has started back last week and it's full on. So much so that I've had to review how I spend my time. Basically I will give myself very little spare time. I am doing all my pre reading and am also reviewing my work. It's so intense but I feel like it is finally onto the nitty gritty. I'm learning about the things that interest me most. Apart from one subject, (which does integrate with the others but isn't planned well, from a teaching point of view) my subjects are fascinating. I'm doing Drug Therapy, Pathophysiology and my Nursing practical subject is led by a fabulous tutor. She's so genuine and so helpful. I wish I could hug her lol, she's that good. Today we did IM injections. These are the easiest to administer but it felt so good to draw up drugs, calculate dosages and administer them, albeit to a dummy. I must admit though that having given myself two Simponi injections already has helped me to some point although it's a prefilled syringe. I wasn't even shaking whe prepping the drugs today. We worked in pairs and I met a lovely lady. She's German and I don't think she's been in Australia very long but it was exciting talking to her. I was also surprised how much I knew about the drugs. I always complain about my memory and yet one was a drug that was used when I worked at the doctors' surgery in 1983!!!!!! Even in the Pathophysiology tute yesterday I surprised myself with what I remembered. Even my friends were impressed (and surprised) lol. Especially when yesterday's burst of knowledge was to do with the workings of the heart, which was something I really struggled with last year. All those numerous Youtube videos paid off. Yes, I'm happy. Happy because I'm where I should be. My only regret is that I'm not 30 years younger. It does gratify me though that I'm not the oldest nursing student. I certainly don't feel out of place at uni. The workload this semester is huge. I'm so relieved that I opted out of doing placement two days per week, but instead went for the four week block. We have weekly workbooks for three subjects, plus pre reading and also a heavier assignment load. I have put this time aside to focus solely on study. One of our lecturers is on the board that interviews nurses for Graduate positions at the hospital. There are about 300 applicants for 40 jobs!!!! Thank God my marks are good as without them I won't even get an interview. I'm determined to glean as much Knowledge as I can. I never forget the support, help and love that I get from my kids and husband. I couldn't Di it without them. Love y my boys xxxxxx.

Not enough hours in the day

I'm sure many of you feel this way. I've been so incredibly busy in the last few weeks, well the last several weeks actually. I had a break from the general routine, so I'm hoping that's enough to constitute a rest.

In the last few weeks, I've caught up with friends, whom I've not seen in a few months, and others I'm planning on seeing this weekend. The weekend is a retreat at Daisy's which means I'll catch up with some of my closest friends, whom I've not spent much time with of late. I"m hoping to create, but mainly to reconnect. I always feel invigorated after these weekends and I'm sure this one will be no different.

I've had lots of appointments too. One of which was to an exercise physiologist. I'd had an appointment before Christmas but with the funeral and no head space for exercise, I cancelled it, never considering the guy would ring me back and reschedule....!! I'm glad he did though. I know own an exercise bike, which I actually enjoy using. I don't go on it everyday, like he recommends, but I certainly try my hardest, as I know how important it is, especially as I've put weight on again. It's my 50th birthday at the end of the year, and while I won't be as fat as I was at 40, I'd rather be slimmer and healthier. Unlike the treadmill, the bike doesn't put any strain on my calves or achilles, so I can work out quite hard and not cause any pain. Amazingly I can ride for quite a while, (I generally go to about 50 mins) and I'm not out of breathe. I never could regulate my breathing while I was jogging. Thank goodness for iView, so I catch up on Haven and Torchwood episodes, and whatever else I can find, that can make the time go faster. I don't take much time to watch TV so this is great time management.

My other appointments have been my  regular blood tests and GP appointments. The jury is still out whether or not the injection is helping me. Quite frankly I've been in a lot of pain, but it's settled in the last few days. I'm due to inject again today, so I'm hoping it continues to improve, otherwise I will stop the drug.

Uni starts back on Monday. It's a full on semester, focussing on no fluff subjects whatsoever. This semester will be the main and most important one as far as content goes. I'm excited and also daunted when reading over the course outlines.

I've been busy working on stuff for Tanzania. I'm very excited that I have a website for our group. It's only a basic site made in iWeb, but I'm rapt that I did it. In the end it was much easier than I thought it would be, but iWeb is so easy to use.

Tomorrow, I'm having a pedicure with my Mum. My niece and brother and wife, bought us both gift vouchers, so we're going to use them tomorrow. It will be something nice to do together. Mum is doing amazingly on her own. I'm so proud of her and the strength that she is showing.

More later, kidlets to pick up.

Flat days, good days, whatever days.

It's been a not so good day today. They always seem to hit me when I least expect it and usually when I've got no plans. Seems that me chilling out and deciding to relax isn't really a good idea for me. I had a blast last night. I miss Barbi so much when I don't see her during the week. The delight for both of us when we see each other is just beautiful. My entire persona takes a huge feeling of buoyancy when I see her. It doesn't matter what goes on in my mind at the time, seeing her and getting a huge hug, strips it all away. She's calm and love and comfort personified. God definitely blessed her with an aura. We've been friends now for over 12 years and that feeling always emanates from her. Last night we shared a bottle of champagne, we laughed and planned and chatted and relished in being together. Shame that I woke up today and the day was the total opposite. I felt miserable. I got up early as I hadn't slept well, I hadn't even turned my audiobook until around 2am. I went into town and took Sammy. He had a trim, we had morning tea st Donut King and bought a few things at Woolies. I came home, took my makeup off and donned the jammies and went back to bed. I feel like I wasted the day snoozing. I feel better now. We've just had a nice dinner. Roast eye fillet a pepper sauce with roast vegies and Peter made a garlic and herb butter which was heavenly on a doughy French stick. Dad I think of you all the time. The iPhoto screensaver shows your smiling face all the time. You look so good and so happy and alive. That's hiw I'll remember you. Dear God look after Mama. I can only begin to imagine what she's going through.

Update

I spent most of today with my Mum. I didn't want to spare a day as I have two assignments due next week and I've not done much since Dad died. What she needed doing today was weighing heavily upon her mind so it was important to do ASAP. My Mum asked for my help with notifying all the relevant bodies about Dad so that everything us tidied up and in her name. Dad did all this in the past, or if it was complicated he'd come to me. Mum couldn't face going to all the relevant offices to inform them of Dad's death, nor did she have the strength to complete things over the phone. I'm so glad I was able to help her as it was tedious. Mum felt quite distraught by the end of the day I can only imagine how difficult it would have been for her otherwise. I spent almost two hours on the phone this morning, then we went into town. The first place we waited for an hour, only to be told we couldn't finalize things that day. We then went to banks and had a bite to eat. I spent another hour on the phone fixing up the power and phone companies for her. We achieved a lot and Mum felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. I'm glad I was there to hug her as she walked out of one bank in tears. I was glad I could grasp her hand when I felt she was struggling. It was a very tough day for her today. She cried when I got there early this morning. She said that she doesn't 'feel' Dad in the house like she thought she would. In some ways it feels like he's been gone a long time already. Mum said that in little ways he was already withdrawing from her. I believe he knew the end was near. The five days that Dad was in hospital he was so happy. He joked, he laughed and he looked at peace. Dad, a typical man was never a good patient so this surprised me. Mum said she could see in his eyes that a part of him was no longer here....... It's strange because as I sat beside him when he'd not long gone and then even more so when I viewed him at the funeral home, Dad was gone. His soul was gone and with it everything that was him. I though that seeing him one more time was the final goodbye but it was when I left the hospital on the Thursday evening. When he blew me a kiss as I turned back when I was almost out the door. What was in the bed and then in the coffin wasn't my Dad anymore. It was a shell. His very being and essence was gone. Those would have left the instant the light left his eyes. Since my Dad has gone my faith has been even stronger. I managed today feeling strong and capable. I needed to be strong for Mum. It's now my turn to look after her. She couldn't have done all the paperwork/talking today and Ricky couldn't even ring to cancel Dad's Internet. He said he tried a couple of times but couldn't do it. But I could. It surprises me. I've not cried a huge amount since he's been gone. Even at the funeral I didn't cry a lot. I've cried more at people's funerals that I've barely known, as I've cried for the hurt and pain for the close family. I believe my faith has given me the strength to go on. To not drop my bundle and to be strong enough for Mum. Strangely enough I had a cry when I typed an earlier paragraph. My Mum is so sad. I hope that me being close helps her to find new meaning and happiness in her life. Every night I pray for her. I love you Mama and I'm always here for you. xxxxxxx

Christmas Eve

I'm glad I made the effort to go into Daisy's. I've not done any scrapping or card making for months now, and even though I had good intentions with my stuff in the boot, I didn't even get it out of the car. I needed to be with my close friends, to just chat and be normal.

I shed some tears and enjoyed being surrounded by friends. I was home around eleven. I read from a beautiful Max Lucado book that my dear friend Barbi bought me, and I found some solace there.

This morning, I was rudely awoken by a grumpy husband. Mickey had thrown something in the bin, which was actually a gift left at the front door. My kids are well trained, that if there's a plastic bag at the door, it needs to be taken to the rubbish, this time, though, it was a bottle of wine left by a neighbour. Naturally Peter was cranky, and I awoke with his initial outburst. That seems to have set the tone for the day.

I'm on auto pilot. I don't want to do Christmas Eve. A day that's always been a highlight for me, has no lustre this year. It's raining outside, and my heart too is filled with tears. How can I prepare food and have everyone here to celebrate when one of the main guests is no longer here. I'm finding today harder than any other day so far. My heart is heavy, and I have much that still needs to be done.

Peter went out earlier to say goodbye to my Uncle who came up for the funeral, and he came back and said everyone was coming later, than usual. This has given me a reprieve. Time to collect myself and get organized without the rush.

The gifts are under the tree, they look meagre. Thank God I'd already bought them before Dad died, otherwise I doubt there'd be anything at all.

I've prayed lots already this morning. For comfort and peace........

Heavenly Father
As we come together this afternoon, I pray that we can still rejoice. I want to rejoice in the birth of your Son, and also in the aura of the wonderful family I have. Lord, give me strength, to get through today and tomorrow with grace and serenity. Lord, give my Mum and Ricky the peace too, so they can enjoy this time as well.  I know that Dad is forever in our hearts and that he wouldn't want us to be miserable today. Knowing is one thing, but I want to feel that and be comfortable with that in my heart. I have been filled with your peace and your holy spirit all week long, I've felt your presence there, very strongly. Please continue to comfort me.

In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit - Amen.

Update

It's been a hard week.

Dad's funeral on Tuesday, was beautiful. It was simple, touching, emotional, prayerful and a celebration of a life well lived. I am grateful that I found the strength to read the eulogy I'd written, and also the words that Billy-Joe had written for his Opa.

We had a wake back here afterwards. About 20 people came back to our house, we had loads to drink and eat. It was a nice time, we laughed and had fun, but it's tinged now with a sadness that can't be explained. I guess it's guilt. Why can we laugh, when Dad is no longer here. He should be sitting in the midst of all this, enjoying himself and enjoying being surrounded by those who loved him best. Having my uncle here has been great. Especially for Mum. It's a good connection to the past.

I still can't believe that he's gone, and I keep reliving those last moments of the last few weeks and of the time we spent in Rainbow together. Yesterday I made my Vanilla Kipferl, not until I'd had a cry though. I made them primarily for my Dad, as they were biscuits he was used to having back in Austria. They smell so divine when they come out of the oven and they're sprinkled with vanilla sugar and icing sugar. I hope they serve vanilla kipferl in heaven.

Last night, everyone was here again, just the family. Eleven of us, had a few drinks and pizza for dinner. It was good fun, but I hurt every time I look at my Mum and I see that faraway look in her eyes. I feel so sad for her, knowing that after Christmas, the real mourning will begin. No one will be around her everyday and the reality of being alone will hit her. Mum and Dad were such creatures of habit, and they did everything together.

Christmas will not be the same this year. The kids are excited and so for them we've not cancelled it. I don't even know if I've got enough gifts. I haven't wrapped them yet, or sorted them out. I've just been buying and shoving them into the cupboard. I don't know if I'll have the gifts in time for the girls. I hope they arrive today.

I sit down, looking for some respite, from thinking and from doing chores, but I can't settle. I've not picked up my Kindle, nor have I watched a movie. I need to study too, and have done nothing....... My sleep patterns are all over the place.

I miss you so much Dad. xxxxx

Update

It's been a hard week. Dad's funeral on Tuesday, was beautiful. It was simple, touching, emotional, prayerful and a celebration of a life well lived. I am grateful that I found the strength to read the eulogy I'd written, and also the words that Billy-Joe had written for his Opa. I still can't believe that he's gone, and I keep reliving those last moments of the last few weeks and of the time we spent in Rainbow together. Yesterday I made my Vanilla Kipferl, not until I'd had a cry though. I made them primarily for my Dad, as they were biscuits he was used to having back in Austria. They smell so divine when they come out of the oven and they're sprinkled with vanilla sugar and icing sugar. I hope they serve vanilla kipferln in heaven.

A Letter

Dear Dad
My quiet moments are filled with thoughts of you. Especially as I prepare my heart and mind to say goodbye to you today.

We've put a day together that we hope you will enjoy. I want you to look down and see how much we all love you. We want it to be special and beautiful and for you to see how much you meant to us. We will endeavor to celebrate your life. You've left us with many precious memories, and I'm so glad that I have them. It brings you back to life in my mind's eye.

I find it hard to realize the finality of what has happened. I'm not angry that you're gone but I feel an overwhelming sadness and emptiness. You were such a big part of our lives and it's impossible to imagine you not in it. Sammy told me that he can't imagine life without you. Already he is thinking of special occasions that you won't be with us anymore. He wants a chair left for you, and a plate of food too.

I'm so very proud to be your daughter. I'm so happy that we got to spend time at Rainbow with you. My children will cherish that memory forever.

I love you Dad. Forever and ever. Xxxxx

Good Bye

If you gazed upon the heavens tonight and felt the sky looked a little brighter, it's because there's a new star in heaven. This morning, Saturday 17th December my beloved Dad became a new shining star. 

After a short hospital stay due to a pulmonary embolism he suffered a massive heart attack and left this world for the hereafter. 

It's 3.30am and sleep currently eludes me as I reflect upon yesterday. I spent the day surrounded by the love of my closest family and dearest friends. 

Dear Heavenly Father, look after your new angel. Let him know that we will look after his beloved wife and we are so grateful for having had him as our Dad, husband and friend. He will be sadly missed but will live on forever in our hearts. I'm so proud to be his daughter. 

Amen. 

Two days in a row!!

Don't faint, as I've blogged two days in a row.

I'm so glad that I emailed one of my close friends about my camera dilemma. My 35-55mm lens is broken, the auto focus doesn't work. Im reluctant to get it repaired, partly because it's just a basic lens and it could be expensive to repair. My gf came to my rescue with her advice and has loan me an old 18-55mm lens. I will buy a much better camera once I'm working. The loan lens is incredibly slow and I miss the image stabilization, but I'm very happy that I've now got a lens I can use at Christmas time. 

I had two firsts today. I gave myself my Simponi injection under the watchful eye of a lovely nurse at my GP clinic. Then In the afternoon I donated blood for the first time. The size of the cannula was a bit scary and I didn't watch that being done. One can always tell when someone cannulates all the time as it's barely painful even with the 16 gauge needle!!!

The nurses at the blood bank were just lovely and took great care of me. I got a cup of icy cordial and some delicious slice. Billy-Joe came with me and they looked after him too!!!! I felt fine afterwards. We visited Dad for a few minutes. We got home and I had a nap. I was very tired and slept for an hour. I awoke and thought I'd start prepping dinner. Big mistake. I hate peeling prawns at the best of times but today it made me almost faint. I had to sit down for quite a while the I got up and cleaned them better. Now I don't want to eat them. 

Bunny has just come home and the prawns are for a salad for our dinner. I don't think I can eat them.  

It's funny, I have a good stomach for many things but fish isn't one of them. Also this morning, Izzy brought home a headless mouse and then proceeded to empty out the gizzards and pick and choose what she wanted to eat. I was gagging while getting my cereal ready. Thankfully Mickey picked  up the left over gizzards!!! I feel lousy just writing about it now lol. 

Update- a brief one

It's hard to believe that 2011 has almost gone, and what a year it's been. So many pivotal moments and much to reflect upon. 

I've not been the best of bloggers or journal keepers. Not for a lack of wanting to, but with the many things I want to do it comes down to priorities as time seems to go by so quickly and there's simply not enough hours in the day. 

I wanted to read my devotions daily, but have lapsed. Thankfully my devotion and dedication to learn more and become closer to God is stronger than ever. He's been my constant companion and along with my wonderful husband and boys He's been my strength and also my calmative. I'm sorry that I've not completed my Word project. It's rather profound how that helped me. My word 'Focus' literally gave me focus and became the impetus for one of the most exciting years in my life. God definitely moves in mysterious ways and it still amazes me that Billy-Joe becoming so ill was the precursor to my epiphany. 

Last week we came home from ten days away. It was a special time because Mum and Dad came with us. We rented a large house with a pool. I was unwell with tonsillitis for a few days so was very happy to chill out and do not much at all. The boys went fishing and to the beach. I read, studied and slept. We went out to dinner some nights and cooked a few nights. Funnily enough the nights we ate in were the most fun. 

This week I've been looking forward to doing some Christmas related jobs although I'm not particularly feeling very Christmassy which is unusual because it's a time of the year I love. I've baked my Christmas cake and the tree is up. I took some beautiful Christmas shots of my boys in front of the tree. If I get my act together I'll print some and adhere it to the front of cards. I put a sentiment on the image so my card is done!!! Now I just need to get the pics printed. 

This week has been a little tumultuous, and hasn't helped me to feel Christmassy. My beloved Dad was admitted to hospital with a pulmonary embolism. Thankfully he's doing really well and responding quickly to the treatment. The more he tells me about it, and the more I consider his health in the prior  months, the more I realize he's been quite ill for many months. I'll have to question him further but I wonder when the clot began, as he would have had symptoms, either a sore leg or arm. I don't know if he realizes ow incredibly lucky he is to still be with us. I know he's not been well and he would have been reluctant to seek treatment just in case it jeopardized our holidays. Visiting him in hospital is an absolute delight. His recount of the day's happenings are filled with his cheeky comments and his wicked sense of humour with the medical team. I think he's feeling very very relieved and they're taking great care if him. I'm so glad he's where he is. Thank you God for keeping him here with us.

I love him so very much. 

Rainbow Beach

I wish I would write down my every thought. My every down and my many many joyful moments.

We've been on holidays for nearly a week. It's been so good. The sun shines brightly every single day except for one which is so much better than what we had last year. The kids are wonderfully behaved. We laugh, have fun, eat, drink and spend lots of time just reading and being quiet. Dad has read five books I'm on my second. Bunny has taken the kids fishing once or twice every day. We've cooked good food, we've drunk good wine.

Bunny and I have even slept together most nights. Tonight he's sleeping upstairs because he imbibed a little more lol.

I'm about to go to sleep listening to the latest Michael Connelly book. I'm currently reading the latest Lee Child one on my Kindle.

I'm tired. Content. Blessed.