Some layouts

I haven't uploaded any of my layouts in ages.

Here are some of my latest ones.


Sammy playing the keyboard at Karen and Geoff's house.
Cath and I looking at our booty from out day at Ikea. See the large piece, that's Al's desk that she insisted would fit into my car.....luckily it did!! She couldn't fit it into her car though lol......so it was a drama once we got back to my place.

A good fun time with hybrid scrapbooking.
Playing with digital elements, another hybrid page.

I know they are all wonky, I photographed them leaning up on the kitchen bench as opposed to doing them on the floor. I will go back to lying them on the floor and standing over them, a much better image, with no distortion.

A better day

I am feeling much better within myself compared to the last three days.

It was all precipitated by the appointment I had at the hospital, I am sure. It was a quite stressful day. The arthrogram went okay, just stung when he repeatedly put the needle in the anaethetize my leg. I felt a bit faint at one stage when he put the huge needle in where the dye went through, and he pulled it out and had to re insert it!

The MRI, is enough to drive someone totally insane. I have thought about it a lot since. I found that I had totally had enough. I hate noise, and the noise was too much. Imagine lying in the middle of a construction site, and having heavy machinery and jackhammers going ....... anyway enough of that. Thankfully the thoughts of things like that fade very quickly and at least next time, I will know what to expect.

Today is a good day though. Sammy’s class had a liturgy this morning, so I went and watched him. He is such a darling, and gets such a buzz out of me being there. Actually all three kids really liked having me there. Billy-Joe even spent the time before school started waiting with me and he had four friends with him too, which is pretty cool, that a group of year 7 boys would hang around - pretty neat I thought.

I got home and did my ironing, and vacuuming. Bunny dropped home and we had a chat and had to fix up some banking stuff on the phone. I tell you what, having a techno ignorant husband is funny...... Anyway we have finally set up his account so he can do third party deposits. What a laugh! I am sitting next to him with all his details to hand, and prompting him...... I am glad one of us is up to speed with things lol.....

I pottered around with some of my scrapping stuff in the afternoon, and then walked to pick up the kids from school. I didn’t feel like my long walk, but am really pleased I did the school walk. At least it’s half an hour.

I had another great night scrapbooking, I actually finished a layout. I must photograph and upload some of my latest creations. It’s 1.47am and I really should be in bed. Scrapbooking and spending time with my best friend, is therapy - and I feel much more at peace with myself than I did all this week.

Murphy's Law of Supply Teaching

I worked yesterday, a pre booked day, which are always the best, and of course I was rung in the morning, to work elsewhere too! Then today, I have my Arthrogram and MRI booked and the Special School contacted me to work. I haven’t worked for them since last term, the day the student hit me. When some time has elapsed between working at a venue, I always start to think, that they don’t want me back, and then in the last two days, the only other two schools that I work for, have wanted me to work. So, even though I couldn’t take the jobs, I was pretty pleased that I am still on their lists. I still like only having a few schools to work at - it increases my level of loyalty to the school and also my familiarity with the school routine and it also gives me a chance to get acquainted with other staff members.

My appointment is in a couple of hours. I have asked my dh to take me there and pick me up. I read the notes on the Arthrogram and it doesn’t sound very nice. I may be in pain afterwards and they suggest that I don’t drive for up to four hours. I will have to go and pick up the kids, but thats three hours later, so I should be okay. I am trying to look at the bright side, and not focus on the fact it’s going to hurt. I get a very quiet day. I get to rest - who knows maybe I can sleep while I have my scan. Methinks, perhaps not, as I will have to lie on my back (I imagine!). I will take my book, I finished Ken Follet’s “PIllars of the Earth” and am about to start his new one, the sequel “World without End”. I won’t get my walk in this afternoon either, so it’s going to be rather relaxing when I get home too. I am hoping that my left side is bad enough to show up on x-ray, as my right side is actually giving me much more trouble at the moment and they will only can one side at a time. If I am lying flat on my back, I have trouble lifting my right leg off the bed - it hurts and isn’t very strong, while at my left leg isn’t too bad. If I do certain stretches, I can feel my left side catching, so I know it hasn’t miraculously healed itself. It will be good to hopefully get a proper diagnosis.

Ramblings on

You know sometimes this whole blogging thing gets a big all over the place. I have so much to say and often start to formulate posts in my head, unfortunately, many which stay unwritten.

It was another Daisy’s retreat last weekend, and was just lovely, although it’s Thursday now and I think I have finally recovered. I came home and slept in my own bed both nights, but still felt quite washed up by yesterday. I worked yesterday, first day in two and a half weeks, so that was a contributing factor as it was a rather hectic day. I didn’t do many layouts at the retreat , only three, but had a great time. On the Saturday night, Barbi had one of her nephews and his mate come in and sing for us. It was really nice, they were quite good, singing James Blunt, Sean Mullins type music which are amongst my favourite. Then we played on the Singstar so the repressed singer within me had a ball. It beats singing into a hairbrush, like I did when I was a kid, and I don’t know how bad it sounded to everyone else, but I wasn’t the only one belting out a tune, who couldn't actually  sing.

Our table was really good. We had some girls at the end of the table, plus one of them had their daughter with them. Kerrie, was there, Karen, and also Carrin and her Mum. It was a nice mix of people and a good mix of laughter and serious times. Kerrie has not long ago lost her Mum, Karen has recently lost her father and one of the other girls very recently lost her Mum to a very aggressive brain tumor. It was good for Kerrie and Sheree to be able to talk to one another. Karen had gone for a lie down, so missed the ‘heavier’ parts of the conversation. The tragic loss of Sheree’s Mum was made much more tragic due to the fact that her Mum became quite nasty in the weeks leading up to her death.

 Early on in the conversation I had to leave it. Not because I felt it was morbid or that I  was becoming upset, but because I felt like an interloper. I have had a charmed life and suffered little loss in my 45 years, and I felt this was too personal and that it wasn’t appropriate for me to include myself in this discussion. My heart went out to those girls - their grief still new and incredibly raw. 

In my life, I lost a friend of the family, who was killed in a car accident. I don’t remember her face as I was quite young, but I remember feeling very sad over that. Kids were shielded from a lot back in those days. When my grandmother died, I was quite upset and given that I had only ever spent such a small amount of time with her, I was hit quite hard when she died. She had been ill and was taken quite quickly. I mourn the fact that I never had her close by - my own children are so lucky to have their grandparents in their lives. My Uncle died nearly three years ago, and that was a huge shock, and I think of him often. I used to see him for a few weeks every two years - so again the physical proximity wasn’t there, but it still hurts nonetheless. I hear of the tragic loss of lives everyday, and live with it through my friends, and am so grateful that I have never had to deal with it to that extent. My dh and I are incredibly blessed that both sets of parents are fit and healthy and very much alive. Hearing these stories of loss, makes me realize how fragile our hold on life really is. That everyday we have is a true gift and we should treasure it with all our hearts. Death is a part of life, there is no way of getting out of it, so I am thankful everyday that I have my parents and that we are all well.

It’s now two days later and I haven’t uploaded this post yet. I am still pondering the whole life and loss scenario. I have talked to Barbi about it. How do you reconcile your faith with the loss of loved ones. She is very wise, my dear friend is.

Not a day goes by where I don’t give thanks for what I have. I can’t even write down exactly what I feel. As I write this I am looking forward to spending the evening with my parents.

 How I feel to know that my parents are coming to dinner. I love the feeling of planning a meal for them, and cooking it. I love the times we spend together, the food we eat, the wine we drink and the good times and laughs we share whenever we are together. My parents aren’t just the people who brought me into this world, we class them amongst our very best friends. We entertain my parents more than any other couple. I cook for them a variety of things, and we sit down and just enjoy being together. My kids get a huge buzz having them around. My kidlets haven’t seen them in a few weeks, so they are very excited about seeing them.

My significant other and I also had huge discussions this morning, about our life. I told him how the death of other’s parents was really making me face things I wasn’t ready to face. We also spoke about how we are lucky we have each other, and that even through all the tough times, we have stuck together and that we are both poignantly aware of how much is at stake, if there was ever a cause for this relationship to fail. Many people and acquaintances we have, are no longer together. It’s not uncommon to meet someone in the street whom we haven’t seen in a while, ask about their spouse and be told that they are no longer together. I get a cold feeling to my core when I hear that news. (Not as bad as when someone tells me they are moving or having another baby lol......) We question whether a couple actually sits down and works out what they will lose if the relationship ends. How much is at stake. Where you live, your goals, your hopes your dreams and your well being and happiness (unless of course you are in a totally dysfunctional relationship) the stability of your children is at stake, and while I agree children are quite strong and resilient, nothing is ever the same for them again. Their whole lives are turned upside down. The many unpleasantries that ensue over the following weeks, months and years would have a very dark and sad repercussion. I certainly don’t purport to be an expert on marriage and relationships, but surely a few failed marriages, and now an extremely strong one, would count for something. No-one is perfect. No relationship is ever perfect all the time. Life isn’t like that. I have become much more patient and know that beneath the little irritants, is a deep abiding love and respect for my husband, and I know he has the same loyalty and love for me. We are the core of our family. We teach our kids about love, and about fighting and then teach them that love overcomes all the hurdles. There’s no better lesson than that - no better way of teaching your kids, than just letting them see you live and love in front of them. Sometimes I feel like a single Mum, sometimes I feel hard done by, but I never ever feel like my relationship is anything other than strong. Life isn’t easy. Life is damn complicated.

This Macjournal tells me how many words this entry is, it’s 1319 words. And I do believe I said earlier in this entry that I found it hard to put some things into words!!

I close this entry, with thoughts for those parents and friends who have died recently of the people who have touched my life in some way. I pray that the loved ones left behind find some peace. That they find a strength from the knowledge their loved ones are in a better place. I pray that the loved ones are able to seek comfort in their family and friends. I pray that time eases their intense grief and they are able to think of their beloved ones without the deep pain they are currently feeling. I pray that special days will not be too sorrowful and that they are able to think of their loved ones with a peaceful joy. One of my besties recently lost her Dad. Their relationship was tenuous and extremely strained - she mourns for what is lost, I pray she finds a peace within her, to know that she did nothing wrong and that she was not responsible for his unloving treatment of her.

For myself, I pray with a hearfelt mind which is full of thankfulness. I will continue to love and enjoy my close family. I will continue to be grateful for their loving presence in our lives, and thank you God for keeping them safe and healthy.

Thank you, for all that is wonderful in my life.

Brief Update

It’s nearly two weeks now, and I haven’t worked. It’s not all bad, it means my house is tidy and I don’t feel overwhelmed, the downside of course is that today is pay day and I will have nada, zilch, nichts in my bank account. Thank God the last pay was good, so I was able to pay a month’s worth of bills. I am really happy I didn’t decide to spend any willy nilly, otherwise I’d be in the shit.

I haven’t felt 100% today. I have had an upset stomach. I have been to the toilet a few times, but I still have gurgles and pain in my tummy - so I’ve had a very quiet afternoon.

I have played with PSE6 today, and this is one of the photos I worked on.

I also have a Hungarian Goulash in the crock pot, so dinner is organized. I will have veggies and deb mashed potato with it.

I hopped on the scales this morning and I’d gained weight. I was disappointed to say the least. As far as my food and exercise diary goes, I have done nothing wrong. I am going to try and not eat rice or noodles for dinner, I think that may cause weight gain, maybe it’s too much carbs. I have exercised heaps in the last two weeks too, so that’s not the culprit. I am happy though, because the news didn’t make me want to chuck the whole thing out the window. I am reconciled to the fact that it’s a long slow journey.

I ended up buying MacJournal, which means I can keep a journal and/or post the entries onto my blogs. I thought it was a cool idea. I want to journal more and keep more notes, so this suits me well.

Saw the GP today

I had to see my GP today to get some repeats. I had run out of anti inflammatories and I can’t live without them at the moment. My level of pain some days is quite high, and without them I would be so stiff and sore, I wouldn’t be able to manage through a normal day, let alone fit in the walking I can still do. I wanted to let my doctor know that I had no intention in seeing the orthopedic specialist again and we teed things up so that wouldn’t be necessary. Today I got the impression that he actually believed me and that he also respected what I knew about the condition. I left feeling like I had someone on my side - rather than feeling like an inconvenience like I did with the specialist.

I just pray each day, that I get some resolution before I can’t work anymore, or before I can’t walk properly anymore. Days like I had last week scare the living daylights out of me. Every time I walked, my legs ached and felt like they had lead in them. Wisely, I didn’t do C25K on the weekend. I don’t think I can. I will be happy to just walk......I need to be sensible or else I can do myself more harm than good.

A quiet week

I have had a quiet week this week, and it’s been blissful. I feel recharged and not at all stressed. i was able to fit in my exercise this week which was great, even though it hurts like heck if I do a few days in a row. I rested yesterday and will today too, maybe just a short walk to get the kids from school - it’s better than nothing, and yet won’t strain my newly physioed hips.....

I

I went to assembly this morning. Billy-Joe was involved in 7Ts presentation and Mickey earned a Student of the week award. So I did the ‘good Mummy’ thing and went and watched. Sammy was sitting on the bench beside his aide, he was as proud as punch that I was there, and didn’t seem nonplussed at all about sitting there, instead of with his class. I am sure he was removed because he is disruptive.... Mickey was delighted that I was there to watch him getting his award.





Oh my kids are so darn cute!!!

FAI

Femoroacetabular Impingement (FAI)

I don't have a final diagnosis, but this looks like what I have with my hips. I saw the specialist the other week. I wasn't too impressed with him. I spent about 10-15mins with him, paid him $125 and he treated me like I was an inconvenience. I didn't even think his exam was as thorough as my physio's or the GP's. He did the same tests, but in a kind of half hearted way. I still need my MRI which will confirm this diagnosis. I actually learnt more from Dr. Google than I did from him. He only gave me the layman's term for it, and I had to find the correct name on the 'net.

Looks like it will be surgery at some stage. My fear is, that I have it in both sides, but everyone is ignoring the fact. So does this mean I will have one side done and then go through the whole damn process again with the other side.

My other fear is that at some stage, I won't be able to exercise anymore, hopefully this won't happen before the surgery!!!

I hate being in pain.

Have not really been remiss

If I haven't posted here, it's a chance that I have blogged on my other blog..... The last post on my other blog, should have been here, I obviously forgot where I was lol......

Come and visit me over here if I have been slack here. It's my food/fitness blog so I intended to keep it seperate, but as it is a lifestyle thing, the differences between the two blogs gets blurred, hence the post on the wrong one.

Half a point of relaxation

I have worked today - have completed two days of a ten day contract which will take place over the next four weeks. At least for four weeks, I know where I am going to be, and know beforehand, so can be organized with meals, cleaning, washing etc. Two days a week would be just perfect, I feel good after two days. It's busy leaving at home at 7.30am and not getting home until 4pm, so a much longer day than when I work locally.

I am enjoying a half a point of wine as I sit and type this. Dinner is organized, egg and bacon baskets with a green tossed salad. Easy peasy and delicious (and low points).

Will have to hop over to weight loss blog to make a comment there.....busy busy busy!!

Happy to be getting work

I am still happy with my decision to knock back the initial Kenilworth Contract, I have made up the money I would have earned there. I am also okay now completely with my decision to not do the six week contract. I have worked another two days this week, and am very happy.  

I had an interesting day today.

I worked with the older kids which I love. First up we went into Woolies and bought ingredients for our cooking in the middle session. One girl didn't know what a zucchini was! My Mum and Dad were down there doing their shopping and one of my students wanted to be introduced to them. She is always so friendly and very sweet.    We got back for morning tea, and then cooked our macaroni cheese. It looked great and the kids really enjoyed making it and eating it. One girl, (the one who didn't know what a zucchini was) was already getting a rather glazed 'switched off' look about her, when I asked her to wait for her class mates.  I don't know this girl's history, but knew it wasn't good - had to be a good reason why a young girl was in an independent living situation.  

In the afternoon we went to a session where the kids do drumming.  We were sitting waiting for the guy to come who was running it. I asked the girl to sit still and keep her hands to herself.  When the lesson commenced, I asked her again.  That glazed look was strong - she told me I was an idiot......more than once, and this was yelled.  I walked away, and consulted with my assistant. I knew this behaviour wasn't acceptable, but wanted to handle it properly. I quietly returned to her, bobbed down beside her, and spoke very quietly ( so as not to disturb the class, nor to draw too much attention to her). I kept my voice low and by bobbing right down, I was not an intimidating threat at all. Unfortunately, by being so unintimidating, it gave her a nice opportunity for her to yell at me to F*ck off and then  whack me one.  A huge open handed slap on the shoulder - so hard it stung, and I couldn't believe I didn't fall over.  I got up and walked away.I had a witness, my assistant so that's always good. I spoke to another teacher, she took over from me as we both knew it unwise for me to re enter the room. Unfortunately the student just lost it, attacked the other teacher and whacked another student in the side of the head.  One of the other big boys was so upset, I found him sitting on a bench, just sobbing into his hands.  He settled down and went back to drumming. The girl who assaulted us, settled down quickly and went home.  No doubt nothing will happen to her. Apparently she has endured horrors and abuse more horrible than I can imagine. She was like a caged animal, and did the only thing she knew how to do - fight back and get out!  It will be interesting to see what happens when I see her again.  

I learnt something about myself - one of those things you never really know until it happens to you.  She struck me, and there wasn't a single thought in my head of hitting her back. I had no anger - none whatsoever.  

I walked out, filled in the appropriate paper work, put an ice pack on my shoulder for a bit and went and picked up my kids.   

The ups and downs

It's been a while since my last post - again. I often spend portions of my day with a post floating around in my head, but quite often it seems too hard to actually sit down and write. Last weekend was lots of fun. Easter is always such a special holiday. Not only for the Christian significance, made all the more special by the kids attending a faith based school, and therefore having lots of questions and thoughts, but also because it's a time for family, and a lovely few days off.

My dieting/exercise regime is going really well, and on Friday I went on a big walk. It was only a 40 minute one, but I paid for it severely that evening. I get scared when I have bad spasms like that as I think maybe it's going to stay like that. I awoke Saturday and it was no better, so I didn't walk that day. I had a nice relaxing day at home. Dh's parents were supposed to come for afternoon tea, but they cancelled as FIL was not feeling well. They were leaving the next day for a week in Sydney and he really needed to fully recuperate for that. Easter Sunday was blissfully relaxing as I didn't need to run around like a headless chook like I normally do. As MIL and FIL were away, I could stay home and prepare for lunch with my parents. My db and dsil and my nieces dropped in for a visit which was really nice. It's fleeting but so much better than it once was. The girls were delighted because I gave them heaps and heaps of scrapbooking stuff. Probably a few hundred dollars worth, plus several mags and books. Dh had gone to a party on Saturday night, a mates 50th from his school days and I graciously declined and stayed home. I watched a chick flick and then when the movie was over I sorted out my scrapping stuff. The girls were rapt and couldn't believe I was giving it away. Now I can justify buying some new stuff. I have been very frugal of late, and in the last twelve months have spent very little on my scrapping.

Sunday was a lovely day. Lots of yummy food and laughs. The kids had a ball looking for Easter Eggs, we had a ball hiding them....

On Easter Monday, dh took me to REBEL sports and I got new hand weights.....oops I have just realized that I have probably already said all this......aahhhh......never mind, I will continue, I was actually going to spend more time on another topic and just got awfully sidetracked.....

I walked Monday afternoon, and felt good afterwards, I also walked on Wednesday and felt great afterwards.....no residual hip pain. I did take some nurofen beforehand, I wonder if that helped.

Okay, onto my main part. I worked two days in the Special School this week. A nice little earner for me again this week, made all the better, by not having to put kids in care nor paying a huge amount in fuel. I read a post here
and decided to write one along similar lines. My work days are so full, I don't really know where to start to try and capture them on print.....but I will try.

This was my day on Thursday
* My day was pre booked so I knew I was working, always makes such a difference. Drove kidlets to school, and headed of to my school.
* 8.10am Arrive at school
* Speak with teacher who is having non-contact to attend a meeting with parent while she outlines the day and hands me a folio of the kids profiles.
* Talk to teacher, try to look closely at photos so I know who is who before they come in.
* Read through profiles of one cerebral palsy boy, plus three autistic boys. All are non verbal, cerebral palsy kid can say words when prompted.
* kids arrive into room, and as they are autistic, they need routine, so one thing is already different, I am not their usual teacher. Thank God for program assistants who know the children(unlike my day the other week when both the teacher and assistant were away, and I had another assistant and it was the blind leading the blind).
* Kids all have sensory activities in boxes beside their table, so they sit and 'play'. One boy loves 'trickling', so just sits rocking and trickling through some plastic dinosaurs. One boy totally self motivated, barely looks at me and just sits and works through his tasks one by one, no doubt in the same order as he has done them every other day.
* Meanwhile S is strolling around the room picking up everything he shouldn't be. I let him have some Thomas pictures and coerce/bribe him to sit down. Meanwhile he squeals at me and I wonder how long it will be before my head aches.
* Kids go to music (is my head going to ache here??), Kids sit in a circle with percussin instruments. They respond to music, some singing and rocking, some singing with their eyes closed just enraptured (this was done with two other classes). I hold M's hands and try to get him to play with the rhythm sticks. S holds onto his Thomas picture and just looks at his instrument.
* Last song 'Who let the dogs out' sends them all into a frenzy, they get up and play with ribbons on sticks, while I keep my back to the door, making sure none of my charges 'escape'.
* Come back, D sets the table for morning tea, and they all sit and eat. I disdain at the crap in the kids' lunch boxes. I can't give them the food in the wrong order, D likes to eat in a certain order. M is gluten free and is Mum has sent in a pie for him to eat!! Go figure.
* All can feed themselves so I just supervise and ensure that their routine is adhered to. Kids put their dishes away, can choose a free activity before they go out to play.
* M sits down on the ground and won't go to the playground. We coerce him with a small piece of chocolate.
* Go in breathe a sigh of relief and have a cuppa. One session over and I haven't lost anyone yet.
* Collect charges. Assistant toilets them. Thankfully two of them go by themselves.
* S is determined not to do any work. Pictures on velcroed onto a card show him he needs to do some work before the computer. More screeching, head butting, screaming, (gosh why isn't my head bursting yet). Me just repeating over and over, almost like a mantra to myself. Just complete your work and you can have the computer. Sit down and please do your work, on and on and on and on........thank God no-one's taping me.
* S finally decides to work, takes him two mins to complete a task. Simple tracing over lines, pre writing stuff. These kids are 12 so gives you an idea of their level of intellect. D is quite bright and can write his name, and will pick up things fairly quickly. I am unsure, but I don't think he's had much formal schooling, so this environment will see him blossom - to a degree.
* M is walking around, or trickling again. He sits on a bean bag and seems happy in his own little world. There is no response from him, none at all. He understands because sometimes he does what is asked of him, but that is restricted to 'come here' or 'sit down'.
* S is finally deciding to sit down and place hands in shaving cream. Has a lovely feeling to it, only on kid actually likes to touch it. It's great because you can write their name in it and they can trace over it. And it feels so smooth and lovely, but many of these kids hate the sensation - they will eat mud, or laminated cards but baulk at touching shaving lotion!! S can now go to computer......peace, as he's not screaching at me.
* K partcipates in everything, but needs a constant reminder to wipe his mouth. He dribbles continually, so I felt like I was always avoiding slobber. He's pretty good though, and wipes when reminded, but there's a lot on his shirt . K likes to play in the shaving cream, using my hand!!
* We wash up and play some board games. D is savvy and wants to win, so looks at things before he picks them up. Both K and D are good at matching images. Again I avoid slobber, most of the time anyway.....
* M is sitting in the corner trickling and doesn't smell too pleasant. Apparently Mum demands he wear jocks!! Mmmmmm, not a good idea - what the??
* Pack up and prepare table for lunch. Take children to play area. Am on duty so need to stay. One child runs off, I chase, and then he sits down. He'd weigh as much as I do, so there's no way I can pick him up. Fortunately the teacher in the room beside me, has a tiny bit of chocolate, so once again I can tempt M into the play area. I am on duty with my assistant, so at least I have some company. I have to man the puddle made by the a/c as the kids want to play in the mud. We place a barrel over the puddle and then M spends time trying to push me away to try and get to the water. I sit on teh barrel, and he pushes me off and sits on the barrel himself - rocking.
* I go and have lunch and am feeling a tad weary, but not unhappy.
* More disgrunted behaviour from S ensues as I ask him to brush his hair again. He brushes his teeth with lightning speed too. Have to assist assistant by holding M's head so she can brush his teeth, well his front ones anyway, he just bites the toothbrush.
* M is not happy, so the afternoon bike ride doesn't take place. I ad lib, by reading stories and dancing. Love the kids's faces as I read a spider story and I run my fingers up their arms, they cackle with delight.......so cool. And they love to dance.
* Day finishes, we have to put their shoes and socks back on, paying heed to do the one last who always pulls his off.... We take them to the bus shelter and I stand and wait until their bus and carer comes and gets them. K is going to after school care so I take him there. He's not happy, as he wanted to go home....
* I had a good day, but a very hard one. Not for the fainthearted.
* I have been screeched at, taunted, yelled at, glared at, head butted, pushed, shoved, and had my feet stood on......over and over again.
* The upshot of that is my arthritic toe is so incredibly sore. It was throbbing and throbbing. Normally I know it hurts, it always hurts to be squeezed, but it never bothers me otherwise........ not until it gets repeatedly trodden on. I had no nurofen in the house, so ending up anethatizing myself with a few glasses of wine and then I got a little relief with an ice pack. It wasn't any better this morning. I went and got some nurofen plus, which helped the throbbing, but it's still awfully tender.......methinks I'll need to wear steel capped boots, a cool look ......

What did you do?

"What did you do? Please tell me your secret recipe? What did you do to create such an amazing child?  He is awesome. He received merit awards the whole time. He is so helpful, so encouraging, he looks after his friends. He is gracious and kind.  I have been meaning to tell you this - I feel so much better now, I am just amazed. You should bottle this, he is an amazing kid, he is so polite - always.  Everyone there, all the adults there, couldn't get over what a wonderful kid he is.  Please tell me your secret recipe? "

This monologue greeted me when I picked up my eldest boy from camp.  I stood there and cried, freely, tears streaming down my face.  My son's teacher told me this and I was so filled with pride, I thought I would burst - Billy-Joe cried too.  

This is what I work toward. This is what I persist for. This is what discipline and love are for. This is what guidance and patience and perseverance are for.

My boy I am so overwhelmed with this and so so proud of you.

Update

I couldn't think of a better title for the post.......can't always be as creative.

Last time I wrote I spoke of how I was happy with my decision to knock back a six day contract. I am still happy with my decision....... The special school rang me on Monday, so I've had one day's relief work which is great. It also meant I was able to keep my appointments. Tomorrow I will see my physiotherapist and my gp in relation to my leg issues....

I have had good days, and not so good days. If I walk too much, it hurts like mad, not while I am walking, but later on. Yesterday I walked my circuit (very hilly) and then three hours later did virtually the same route to pick up the kidlets from school. I paid for that last night.....

I had my x-ray and CT scan today, and have read the report. (Am I the only one who reads the reports, that say 'for referring doctor only'??) That's a load of parlaffle. I want to know my results and not wait until some 'learned' individual tells me. My results, didn't show anything insidious, just some degenerative stuff which is normal for my age.

I will see the specialist at the start of May, will see what happens there.

My rara avis

This blog is me, it's mine, it's generally all about me.  But that's only a small facet of who I actually am. 

After an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting with the school today about my middle boy, I realized how little I actually write about him.  I have scrapped the odd layout on him and his quirkiness in the past, but never in any great depth or detail.  Maybe I thought, if I didn't make a big deal about it, it wasn't really happening.....which is in sharp contrast to how I actually believe and how I do all I can to support, nuture and help him to become the best he possibly can.

I still thank the fact that my being so particular and observant actually noticed, acknowledged and took action on what I observed with Sammy.  It's because of that I had him 'labelled' in order to receive assistance at school.  I know many parents baulk at the idea that their child, is different, or 'not quite right'.  My biggest hurdle was articulating my fears to my husband, which is ridiculous as he's the most tolerant and understanding person I know, and has never been one to put on the 'macho crap' of 'not my boy!!'.  He's the man that was quite happy for my boys to have dolls to play with when they were young and Mummy was expecting or had a baby........no - defnitely not the man who would poo poo any of my thoughts about our children.

Sammy is my worry child. He's the one that makes my heart hurt. He's the one I hope and pray for- that people will accept him for what and who he is. Children can be unbelievably cruel, but thankfully, his wonderful nature has deflected that, and bullying or ridicule hasn't been a problem.  

Fortunately, academically he is going along very well. And the credit goes to the school, whose support I can find no fault with.  He is in a situation now, where the class has a full time aide, and Sammy benefits from this.  He now has someone, who will sit by and help him through the anxious moments of uncertainty, and has someone who will prompt him along when he becomes distracted.

There are days, and moments, where I look at him and think he's fine. There are days where he just travels along, happily,doing all he is supposed to do without reminder or dalliances.  Then other days it's like I am dragging him through sludge and mud so thick, that he can't hear, see or do anything other than maybe stare at the TV.  I wish so much that I could see inside his mind, that I could think how he thinks and see how he sees and perceives the world.  I know he is wired differently and I so desperately want to understand.  I want to know what makes him hurt, I want to know what makes him scared. He speaks so little......  How hard he makes my heart ache, is how much it makes it soar when he laughs.  He  loves humour, like I do, the ridiculous stuff, like Mr. Bean being extra ludicrous.  His face, so often devoid of emotion is just full of smiles and is lit up and accompanied by a laugh which is like music to my ears.  Even as I sit here, I can't help the emotion welling up inside of me.

From the first moment........from when I was told I would never ever have another baby. To the scary blood tests and detailed scans, to the cancelled amniocentisis, to his early entry into the world, to the helicopter trip to Brisbane, to the intubation and crucial days of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, to his first day of school, to now, he has always always tugged at my heart.  And he always will.

He received a birthday card from my brother - it's probably two birthdays ago now, but the words within I will never forget. The poignancy of the card was made even moreso because of the fact that my brother had never written in a card to my kids before, and then added to the message 'Dear Sam the man I am - you are destined for great things'.......  My dear brother, you will probably never ever know how much those words meant to me.  

I love all my three boys, with bottomless intensity.  I am fiercely protective and as strongly adamant that I will do my best so that they are beautiful adults - they are already beautiful children, often being complimented by others who come across them, which is always heartwarming, especially if I haven't been around when their observations were made.  But Sammy, Sammy you are the one I worry about, the one I cry over, the one I fear for.   

I am thankful for you. I am thankful that you show me the world through your eyes. I just want to make things a little easier for you. I will pursue speech therapy for a while, I want your expressive language analyzed, so that you can tell me (or anyone) what's on your mind.  I want to develop what's inside of you, so that it can come out.  I love it when you tell me something, that is so far left field - but so amazingly insightful.  You have an intuition rare in someone so young.  I want you to trust that intuitiveness and take comfort in it.  I want you to know how to react when things go wrong, or you feel overwhelmed. I want you to have the words to make others see the world the way you do.  

I am also, at some stage going to find out if you have any musical talent.  You have great pitch and can hold a tune.  I wonder if there is a talent there inside of you somewhere.  Maybe I will make you go - rather than giving you the choice.  You have talent, your memory is awesome, I think there's something there, maybe, just maybe - just waiting to burst through.  I still can't get over your talent for football - and how you amazed me with your first game. You are the tiniest on your side, and yet you have no fear, no hesitation to just drop your opponent.....and they, being caught completely unawares just drop to the ground.  All these things and more, will add to your confidence and help build your self esteem.....

You are an especially wonderful little boy. You light up my whole life.......

"Today you are You,

that is truer than true.

There is no one alive

who is

Yoer than You."

~Dr. Seuss~

My day thus far

I love Saturdays, they are my favourite day of the week,
even though I have
* brought a big load of washing in,
* hung out another smaller load
* folded and put washing away
* Emptied dishwasher
* Cleaned ceiling fans
* Dusted
* Walked
* Tidied kitchen

Now I can sit and relax for a couple of hours. Oh what lovely luxury knowing a few hours stretch ahead with no commitments or urgency. Billy-Joe has gone to a friend's house, the two younger ones are in on the computer, they will go outside later on. The weather is unseasonally cool again, just wonderful - I love it like this. It's been the best summer ever, very different with loads of rain, but not many days where it's been disgustingly hot. Autumn has arrived and summer hasn't even made am impact. It's been great weather for starting my walking regime, it doesn't matter when I walk, it's just pleasant.

My parents are coming for dinner. They offered to bring pizzas, but being on WW I don't want to waste my points on something like that. I don't mind pizza, don't get me wrong, but I now prefer my own homemade one. We will probably buy a couple for the kids to have a treat and we will have Eye Fillet, chargrilled vegies and a blue cheese sauce. I will make it on light evaporated milk, instead of cream, plus I have a few points up my sleeve for some wine too, so should be a lovely evening.

Looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.

A lot to say, but very busy.

I have been rather busy since my last posting. Good busy!

My work 'drought' has finished (the money drought is still happening, because I haven't been paid yet) but things are heading in the right direction. The last two weeks I've had a day a week at Kenilworth, even had the cute little Preps on one day. What a lovely bunch of kids.......much nicer having a straight Prep rather than the PreSchool/Year 1-2 mix from last year. It's rare that I can focus on a single year level. On the other day, I worked with my old teaching partner, in a huge classroom. There are two teachers for 40 kids, and the kids move between the teaching spaces, depending on what's happening, so a very busy and well organized place. I just went where I was told lol.....

The pièce de résistance , however was that the local Special School rang me and asked me to work for a day. I was so excited - finally. I spent a day a term there two years ago, because, I wanted to show them that I was keen, even though I had no experience in that field. When I left that afternoon, I was asked to go to the office and was offered three more days (one of which I couldn't take because I was already booked). What a fantastic place to work. Mind you it bears little resemblance to a mainstream school, but it's so much better. The teachers there are just awesome, and I really enjoyed being and working with the kids. I think I like it because it really appeals to my nuturing side. My first choice of profession was always nursing, and I love teaching too. This job encompasses both disciplines. At first I would come away and thank the Lord that my kids were 'normal'. But even now after only a few days, I am finding joy in the things they can achieve. I guess it's like having a young child actually grasp something, we like to take some credit for the child having achieved something as we are sure it's because of us that they achieved this. I have been working with the 'transition' kids - 16 years old and above. Some are non verbal, some are confined to a wheel chair and non verbal. But many are quite physically able and are 'teachable'. I was in my element today as a teacher came from TAFE, for the Digital Photography course. Well, I know someone was watching from above - if anything is my forte, that definitely is. There are only 100 kids in the school but the school is huge, as there are only about 5-6 kids in each classroom. The rooms always have large common areas behind or between them with fully operational kitchens. I enjoy working with the older kids where the focus is on life skills rather than academic ones. I have another day booked next week and the week after, and I hope there are more to come. It would be fantastic, if I could work there regularly. The other bonus was, that I don't have to put the kids into care, as the work is local, and they only have to wait 15 minutes for me to come and get them........ I am saving on petrol and child care which would be about $18 per day (altogether).

This weekend just gone was the scrapbooking retreat. I think it was the best one yet. The theme this time was 'Fairies' and my girlfriends wanted me to dress up..... Now I don't do dress ups. I don't want to do it unless I can look okay. Plus I pike out as I don't have the time or energy to get something organized. Fortunately I am a good follower and with guidance I can achieve anything. Barbi came around last Thursday afternoon, and I made my 'fairy' skirt. Barbi had bought the fabric for us and told me how to do it. We had a really nice afternoon - and I really enjoyed making it. I finished it on Friday afternoon. I will photography my layouts when the weather improves and when I am home (I photograph without a flash and need good daylight). My dear girlfriend Kerrie came and we had a ball. I haven't seen much of her lately as she nursed her Mum who died a few weeks ago. Kerrie needed that weekend. She needed it to re energize and to feel normal again. I can't wait for the next one, and I hope we can catch up m0re now that her time is freer. and she is always good fun. My other friend was also there, but she was rather quiet all weekend. Another friend just came for the nights, and she is always good fun, and it was great seeing her back to her old self. I was getting a bit worried about her, and was really happy to see her laughing and enjoying herself.

It was an awesome weekend.

Sleepy Sunday

I can't believe the weekend is nearly over again. It goes far too quickly. I had a couple of late nights, Friday night Scrapping and last night dh and I had a party for two, so another late one. I paid for it today. I got up early and went to church, and then came home, had brunch and then went and snoozed for a few hours. I feel much better now. I can't start the week exhausted, as I never seem to catch up during the week.

On Friday, I got a note back from Catholic Education, saying, sorry they no longer process paper applications and that I would need to lodge an online application. Man I was not impressed, they didn't even send me back all my documentation. I hadn't copied my referees information, or kept a copy of the graduation certificate or anything. Anyway, 2 and a half hours later, and I had it all done - not before fearing that I'd lost the lot, because it didn't seem to want to go onto the next 'stage'. I received verification straight away, that I could visit schools and let them know I was available, and that the online profile was available for schools to view. I rang and spoke to them at Cath Ed to find out about what steps I would need to take to be able to teach in a permanent position. Seems if you are not Catholic, it doesn't look kindly toward your prospects. Even though I have a strong faith, it's not enought. My husband (who is Catholic) said I should have said I was............I couldnt' do it. I would think that kind of discimination wouldn't hold up in a court of law, but there you go..some things never change. At least I can do supply work there, so I will drop in my resume and see the school in an 'offical' capacity, and let them know I am available. I know they have had another mother of students working there, so that shouldn't be an issue.

I had the strangest day yesterday. I had done most of my chores during the week so that my Saturday could be a little easier. Peter stayed home for a change which was nice. I got him to give the house a good vacuum and then I mopped the floors, so that was good to get done. We hunted around on taste.com.au for a delicious recipe and dh went out to buy the things we needed. I gave Billy-Joe another baking lesson, we made gingerbread men out of the packet. That was fun, and he really enjoyed it. Earlier in the day, the kids had watched Garfiled Movie in Billy-Joe's room complete with popcorn. They were so well behaved, I was most impressed. Like all good things, it was to come to a crashing holt, when, they got restless and Billy-Joe and Mickey bashed heads.Mickey came out bellowing and screaming, Billy-Joe being the elder with supposedly more sense hidden there somewhere was sent into time out while I tended to Mickey's sore eye with an ice pack. After the time out time was over, I checked Billy-Joe's eye and saw it was even worse than Mickey's, so his was ice packed too. One thought have thought that an injury like that resulting from shenanigans might have stemmed their enthusiasm for more. A couple of hours later, Mickey was doing forward flips on Daddy's bed, miscalculated and hit the corner of the same eye on the shelf. He came screaming up the stairs, blood streaming down his face, his father chasing him, but Mickey needed his Mummy. I quickly grabbed the closest cloth to staunch the blood and apply pressure. Dr. Mum knew it needed suturing...... The peace of my afternoon, and the relaxation which seemed promisingly ahead, was shattered. Two hours later I came home with a little boy and a glued eye.

I had a bath with him, he still needed me close, and I had a relaxing bath, with a glass of wine in hand. His eye is quite swollen this morning,but I haven't given him anymore pain relief. He's a tough little mite....... Peter fed the kids and started with our dinner, chopping and prepping. I had bought these two racks of lambs over two pay days as they were so hideously expensive. I thought eye fillet was expensive, that is until you pay $32/kg for rack of lamb. There wasn't a skerrick of fat on it. The dinner was to die for. The meat was marinaded in chilli sauce, fish sauce, garlic, mint, and left in the fridge for a few hours. The sauce was chopped fresh mint, palm sugar, rice venegar, lime juice, garlic and chilli. Then I made Sweet potato rosti. We had a party for two, and didn't eat until about 11pm. I had also made a Caramel tart for dessert which with whipped cream is the most decadent easiest dessert you can possibly make....... It was a fabulous evening, we had a great night. Awesome food, awesome company, awesome music.......and awesome other stuff, which will remain private......perfect night!! (I knew you'd be wondering why we didn't eat until 11pm!!!)

Much to the disbelief of everyone in my family, I was up bright and early and headed out to church. Billy-Joe came too, which was pretty good. Barbi led worship at the Church of Christ and the service was nice.......and I was soooooo tired. But would never have forgiven myself if I hadn'at gone, I have always wanted to go back and said I might go back one day, if Barbi leads worship again.....I came home, had brunch, and then dozed for a few hours. I have finished my novel I was reading too, and now have sat downt o write some emails and post here..........

I will update my food blog if you are interested in the recipe.....

Happy Valentines Day

It's always a special evening in our house. I bought Peter a yummy bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and a tin of chocolate covered brazil nuts which he will love and I have to promise not to eat on him........ He came home this morning to help me carry the groceries inside, and said he wanted me in a negligee when he got home........ I don't have any - which he knows. Goodness knows what he would buy if he actually went and got me some. It wouldn't fit for starters because the man has rose coloured glasses where I am concerned and wouldn't buy it big enough. I bought myself a bottle of sparkling shiraz, normally kept for Christmas, but I felt like something different and didn't feel like champagne perse........ and sparkling shiraz is delicious. Cold bubbly and with that beautiful dryness that you can only get from a shiraz mmmmm For dinner I went and bought these chicken things the butcher makes which are delicious and effortless. It's chicken with spinach and cheese and puff pastry. They've made it ina roll, and you buy it by the slice. It cooks in about half an hour and is delicious. Something premade that's actually really really good. I am just going to have some beans, broccoli, carrots and potato with it. Nice easy dinner, with maximum flavour, I like that.

I worked yesterday, so the drought has broken. They rang me today and booked me for more days in April and May, so at least I know that's coming up. They spread the days out over several weeks, and made it a contract, which means the money won't be as good as a normal TRS day (About $90 per day less), but I am not in a position to knock it back, so gratefully accepted it........ It felt so good knowing that it was starting up again. Now I just have to hope it continues so that I can meet all my obligations. Currently we are paying for food out of the 'extra' money that Peter earns, and that's not something we've ever done before. I tried so hard to keep the shopping down in price today, and managed to reduce it a little, but boy I was scungy and frugal...... My groceries are usually around $220 - $240 per week. That includes two bottles of wine, today I managed to do the whole lot for just under $200 and that included the wine (not the present wine) and the chicken from the butcher. We normally go and get extra stuff during the week too, maybe some milk, and some vegies if we are cooking something special on Saturday night, but the last few weeks, we have been making do with what we have home.

I have to go and pick up the kids shortly, they are at after school care, so gives me a little breather on a Thursay - don't have to race out at 2.30pm to pick them up. It's been raining on and off again today, so I need to be quick in between downpours.....

A quiet rainy one

I have lived here 18 years, and this is the wettest I have ever known it. I know we are supposed to have a 'wet season' every summer and that's normal, and it's something we don't normally have. I hate rain........don't mix me with water, unless it's self inflicted via a shower or a swim. I hate getting my hair wet. I spend time doing my hair every day, and even put on makeup, so I hate getting wet, probably what I hate more than getting my hair wet, is that I get cold. Nothing worse than getting into a car - wet- and having to put the a/c on because otherwise the windows would fog up, and I am sitting there in a singlet top nearly freezing my ninnies off....... On the upside there's nothing more conforting then having my kids and me all sitting here watching TV, playing the gameboy reading or whatever in our jammies at 4.15 in the afternoon, and the rain is pouring down and we are all home safe, comfortable and dry, and a yummy chile con carne is cooking on the stove top. Only downside is Bunny is still out working, although apparently this afternon he is under cover which is good for a change.

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and whopping headache, so, after I dropped the kids to school, had a couple of panadol and my breakfast, I headed off back into my nest. Spent an hour and a half just dozing and felt better for it when I got up. I spent the rest of the day dusting, tidying, and clearing out junk which I just collect. I also did my exercises that my physio has given me to do. I feel better in the legs this morning, although the hip flexor exercises hurt, I don't hobble everytime I get up from a sitting position.

I made pikelets again for afternoon tea, and they were better than yesterdays....... Bunny will be happy to know I made extra for him.

I had a Mac OS X update to do today.Thank goodness I had increased my broadband plan as it was 340MB worth of Leopard updates.......

Spoke to my parents today which was nice. They are housesitting, and horse and dog and bird and cat sitting for my brother and his wife while they are on holidays. I can't believe how much I am missing them. Not that I see them all the time, just knowing they are away is weird......