Ramblings on

You know sometimes this whole blogging thing gets a big all over the place. I have so much to say and often start to formulate posts in my head, unfortunately, many which stay unwritten.

It was another Daisy’s retreat last weekend, and was just lovely, although it’s Thursday now and I think I have finally recovered. I came home and slept in my own bed both nights, but still felt quite washed up by yesterday. I worked yesterday, first day in two and a half weeks, so that was a contributing factor as it was a rather hectic day. I didn’t do many layouts at the retreat , only three, but had a great time. On the Saturday night, Barbi had one of her nephews and his mate come in and sing for us. It was really nice, they were quite good, singing James Blunt, Sean Mullins type music which are amongst my favourite. Then we played on the Singstar so the repressed singer within me had a ball. It beats singing into a hairbrush, like I did when I was a kid, and I don’t know how bad it sounded to everyone else, but I wasn’t the only one belting out a tune, who couldn't actually  sing.

Our table was really good. We had some girls at the end of the table, plus one of them had their daughter with them. Kerrie, was there, Karen, and also Carrin and her Mum. It was a nice mix of people and a good mix of laughter and serious times. Kerrie has not long ago lost her Mum, Karen has recently lost her father and one of the other girls very recently lost her Mum to a very aggressive brain tumor. It was good for Kerrie and Sheree to be able to talk to one another. Karen had gone for a lie down, so missed the ‘heavier’ parts of the conversation. The tragic loss of Sheree’s Mum was made much more tragic due to the fact that her Mum became quite nasty in the weeks leading up to her death.

 Early on in the conversation I had to leave it. Not because I felt it was morbid or that I  was becoming upset, but because I felt like an interloper. I have had a charmed life and suffered little loss in my 45 years, and I felt this was too personal and that it wasn’t appropriate for me to include myself in this discussion. My heart went out to those girls - their grief still new and incredibly raw. 

In my life, I lost a friend of the family, who was killed in a car accident. I don’t remember her face as I was quite young, but I remember feeling very sad over that. Kids were shielded from a lot back in those days. When my grandmother died, I was quite upset and given that I had only ever spent such a small amount of time with her, I was hit quite hard when she died. She had been ill and was taken quite quickly. I mourn the fact that I never had her close by - my own children are so lucky to have their grandparents in their lives. My Uncle died nearly three years ago, and that was a huge shock, and I think of him often. I used to see him for a few weeks every two years - so again the physical proximity wasn’t there, but it still hurts nonetheless. I hear of the tragic loss of lives everyday, and live with it through my friends, and am so grateful that I have never had to deal with it to that extent. My dh and I are incredibly blessed that both sets of parents are fit and healthy and very much alive. Hearing these stories of loss, makes me realize how fragile our hold on life really is. That everyday we have is a true gift and we should treasure it with all our hearts. Death is a part of life, there is no way of getting out of it, so I am thankful everyday that I have my parents and that we are all well.

It’s now two days later and I haven’t uploaded this post yet. I am still pondering the whole life and loss scenario. I have talked to Barbi about it. How do you reconcile your faith with the loss of loved ones. She is very wise, my dear friend is.

Not a day goes by where I don’t give thanks for what I have. I can’t even write down exactly what I feel. As I write this I am looking forward to spending the evening with my parents.

 How I feel to know that my parents are coming to dinner. I love the feeling of planning a meal for them, and cooking it. I love the times we spend together, the food we eat, the wine we drink and the good times and laughs we share whenever we are together. My parents aren’t just the people who brought me into this world, we class them amongst our very best friends. We entertain my parents more than any other couple. I cook for them a variety of things, and we sit down and just enjoy being together. My kids get a huge buzz having them around. My kidlets haven’t seen them in a few weeks, so they are very excited about seeing them.

My significant other and I also had huge discussions this morning, about our life. I told him how the death of other’s parents was really making me face things I wasn’t ready to face. We also spoke about how we are lucky we have each other, and that even through all the tough times, we have stuck together and that we are both poignantly aware of how much is at stake, if there was ever a cause for this relationship to fail. Many people and acquaintances we have, are no longer together. It’s not uncommon to meet someone in the street whom we haven’t seen in a while, ask about their spouse and be told that they are no longer together. I get a cold feeling to my core when I hear that news. (Not as bad as when someone tells me they are moving or having another baby lol......) We question whether a couple actually sits down and works out what they will lose if the relationship ends. How much is at stake. Where you live, your goals, your hopes your dreams and your well being and happiness (unless of course you are in a totally dysfunctional relationship) the stability of your children is at stake, and while I agree children are quite strong and resilient, nothing is ever the same for them again. Their whole lives are turned upside down. The many unpleasantries that ensue over the following weeks, months and years would have a very dark and sad repercussion. I certainly don’t purport to be an expert on marriage and relationships, but surely a few failed marriages, and now an extremely strong one, would count for something. No-one is perfect. No relationship is ever perfect all the time. Life isn’t like that. I have become much more patient and know that beneath the little irritants, is a deep abiding love and respect for my husband, and I know he has the same loyalty and love for me. We are the core of our family. We teach our kids about love, and about fighting and then teach them that love overcomes all the hurdles. There’s no better lesson than that - no better way of teaching your kids, than just letting them see you live and love in front of them. Sometimes I feel like a single Mum, sometimes I feel hard done by, but I never ever feel like my relationship is anything other than strong. Life isn’t easy. Life is damn complicated.

This Macjournal tells me how many words this entry is, it’s 1319 words. And I do believe I said earlier in this entry that I found it hard to put some things into words!!

I close this entry, with thoughts for those parents and friends who have died recently of the people who have touched my life in some way. I pray that the loved ones left behind find some peace. That they find a strength from the knowledge their loved ones are in a better place. I pray that the loved ones are able to seek comfort in their family and friends. I pray that time eases their intense grief and they are able to think of their beloved ones without the deep pain they are currently feeling. I pray that special days will not be too sorrowful and that they are able to think of their loved ones with a peaceful joy. One of my besties recently lost her Dad. Their relationship was tenuous and extremely strained - she mourns for what is lost, I pray she finds a peace within her, to know that she did nothing wrong and that she was not responsible for his unloving treatment of her.

For myself, I pray with a hearfelt mind which is full of thankfulness. I will continue to love and enjoy my close family. I will continue to be grateful for their loving presence in our lives, and thank you God for keeping them safe and healthy.

Thank you, for all that is wonderful in my life.

Brief Update

It’s nearly two weeks now, and I haven’t worked. It’s not all bad, it means my house is tidy and I don’t feel overwhelmed, the downside of course is that today is pay day and I will have nada, zilch, nichts in my bank account. Thank God the last pay was good, so I was able to pay a month’s worth of bills. I am really happy I didn’t decide to spend any willy nilly, otherwise I’d be in the shit.

I haven’t felt 100% today. I have had an upset stomach. I have been to the toilet a few times, but I still have gurgles and pain in my tummy - so I’ve had a very quiet afternoon.

I have played with PSE6 today, and this is one of the photos I worked on.

I also have a Hungarian Goulash in the crock pot, so dinner is organized. I will have veggies and deb mashed potato with it.

I hopped on the scales this morning and I’d gained weight. I was disappointed to say the least. As far as my food and exercise diary goes, I have done nothing wrong. I am going to try and not eat rice or noodles for dinner, I think that may cause weight gain, maybe it’s too much carbs. I have exercised heaps in the last two weeks too, so that’s not the culprit. I am happy though, because the news didn’t make me want to chuck the whole thing out the window. I am reconciled to the fact that it’s a long slow journey.

I ended up buying MacJournal, which means I can keep a journal and/or post the entries onto my blogs. I thought it was a cool idea. I want to journal more and keep more notes, so this suits me well.

Saw the GP today

I had to see my GP today to get some repeats. I had run out of anti inflammatories and I can’t live without them at the moment. My level of pain some days is quite high, and without them I would be so stiff and sore, I wouldn’t be able to manage through a normal day, let alone fit in the walking I can still do. I wanted to let my doctor know that I had no intention in seeing the orthopedic specialist again and we teed things up so that wouldn’t be necessary. Today I got the impression that he actually believed me and that he also respected what I knew about the condition. I left feeling like I had someone on my side - rather than feeling like an inconvenience like I did with the specialist.

I just pray each day, that I get some resolution before I can’t work anymore, or before I can’t walk properly anymore. Days like I had last week scare the living daylights out of me. Every time I walked, my legs ached and felt like they had lead in them. Wisely, I didn’t do C25K on the weekend. I don’t think I can. I will be happy to just walk......I need to be sensible or else I can do myself more harm than good.

A quiet week

I have had a quiet week this week, and it’s been blissful. I feel recharged and not at all stressed. i was able to fit in my exercise this week which was great, even though it hurts like heck if I do a few days in a row. I rested yesterday and will today too, maybe just a short walk to get the kids from school - it’s better than nothing, and yet won’t strain my newly physioed hips.....

I

I went to assembly this morning. Billy-Joe was involved in 7Ts presentation and Mickey earned a Student of the week award. So I did the ‘good Mummy’ thing and went and watched. Sammy was sitting on the bench beside his aide, he was as proud as punch that I was there, and didn’t seem nonplussed at all about sitting there, instead of with his class. I am sure he was removed because he is disruptive.... Mickey was delighted that I was there to watch him getting his award.





Oh my kids are so darn cute!!!

FAI

Femoroacetabular Impingement (FAI)

I don't have a final diagnosis, but this looks like what I have with my hips. I saw the specialist the other week. I wasn't too impressed with him. I spent about 10-15mins with him, paid him $125 and he treated me like I was an inconvenience. I didn't even think his exam was as thorough as my physio's or the GP's. He did the same tests, but in a kind of half hearted way. I still need my MRI which will confirm this diagnosis. I actually learnt more from Dr. Google than I did from him. He only gave me the layman's term for it, and I had to find the correct name on the 'net.

Looks like it will be surgery at some stage. My fear is, that I have it in both sides, but everyone is ignoring the fact. So does this mean I will have one side done and then go through the whole damn process again with the other side.

My other fear is that at some stage, I won't be able to exercise anymore, hopefully this won't happen before the surgery!!!

I hate being in pain.

Have not really been remiss

If I haven't posted here, it's a chance that I have blogged on my other blog..... The last post on my other blog, should have been here, I obviously forgot where I was lol......

Come and visit me over here if I have been slack here. It's my food/fitness blog so I intended to keep it seperate, but as it is a lifestyle thing, the differences between the two blogs gets blurred, hence the post on the wrong one.

Half a point of relaxation

I have worked today - have completed two days of a ten day contract which will take place over the next four weeks. At least for four weeks, I know where I am going to be, and know beforehand, so can be organized with meals, cleaning, washing etc. Two days a week would be just perfect, I feel good after two days. It's busy leaving at home at 7.30am and not getting home until 4pm, so a much longer day than when I work locally.

I am enjoying a half a point of wine as I sit and type this. Dinner is organized, egg and bacon baskets with a green tossed salad. Easy peasy and delicious (and low points).

Will have to hop over to weight loss blog to make a comment there.....busy busy busy!!

Happy to be getting work

I am still happy with my decision to knock back the initial Kenilworth Contract, I have made up the money I would have earned there. I am also okay now completely with my decision to not do the six week contract. I have worked another two days this week, and am very happy.  

I had an interesting day today.

I worked with the older kids which I love. First up we went into Woolies and bought ingredients for our cooking in the middle session. One girl didn't know what a zucchini was! My Mum and Dad were down there doing their shopping and one of my students wanted to be introduced to them. She is always so friendly and very sweet.    We got back for morning tea, and then cooked our macaroni cheese. It looked great and the kids really enjoyed making it and eating it. One girl, (the one who didn't know what a zucchini was) was already getting a rather glazed 'switched off' look about her, when I asked her to wait for her class mates.  I don't know this girl's history, but knew it wasn't good - had to be a good reason why a young girl was in an independent living situation.  

In the afternoon we went to a session where the kids do drumming.  We were sitting waiting for the guy to come who was running it. I asked the girl to sit still and keep her hands to herself.  When the lesson commenced, I asked her again.  That glazed look was strong - she told me I was an idiot......more than once, and this was yelled.  I walked away, and consulted with my assistant. I knew this behaviour wasn't acceptable, but wanted to handle it properly. I quietly returned to her, bobbed down beside her, and spoke very quietly ( so as not to disturb the class, nor to draw too much attention to her). I kept my voice low and by bobbing right down, I was not an intimidating threat at all. Unfortunately, by being so unintimidating, it gave her a nice opportunity for her to yell at me to F*ck off and then  whack me one.  A huge open handed slap on the shoulder - so hard it stung, and I couldn't believe I didn't fall over.  I got up and walked away.I had a witness, my assistant so that's always good. I spoke to another teacher, she took over from me as we both knew it unwise for me to re enter the room. Unfortunately the student just lost it, attacked the other teacher and whacked another student in the side of the head.  One of the other big boys was so upset, I found him sitting on a bench, just sobbing into his hands.  He settled down and went back to drumming. The girl who assaulted us, settled down quickly and went home.  No doubt nothing will happen to her. Apparently she has endured horrors and abuse more horrible than I can imagine. She was like a caged animal, and did the only thing she knew how to do - fight back and get out!  It will be interesting to see what happens when I see her again.  

I learnt something about myself - one of those things you never really know until it happens to you.  She struck me, and there wasn't a single thought in my head of hitting her back. I had no anger - none whatsoever.  

I walked out, filled in the appropriate paper work, put an ice pack on my shoulder for a bit and went and picked up my kids.   

The ups and downs

It's been a while since my last post - again. I often spend portions of my day with a post floating around in my head, but quite often it seems too hard to actually sit down and write. Last weekend was lots of fun. Easter is always such a special holiday. Not only for the Christian significance, made all the more special by the kids attending a faith based school, and therefore having lots of questions and thoughts, but also because it's a time for family, and a lovely few days off.

My dieting/exercise regime is going really well, and on Friday I went on a big walk. It was only a 40 minute one, but I paid for it severely that evening. I get scared when I have bad spasms like that as I think maybe it's going to stay like that. I awoke Saturday and it was no better, so I didn't walk that day. I had a nice relaxing day at home. Dh's parents were supposed to come for afternoon tea, but they cancelled as FIL was not feeling well. They were leaving the next day for a week in Sydney and he really needed to fully recuperate for that. Easter Sunday was blissfully relaxing as I didn't need to run around like a headless chook like I normally do. As MIL and FIL were away, I could stay home and prepare for lunch with my parents. My db and dsil and my nieces dropped in for a visit which was really nice. It's fleeting but so much better than it once was. The girls were delighted because I gave them heaps and heaps of scrapbooking stuff. Probably a few hundred dollars worth, plus several mags and books. Dh had gone to a party on Saturday night, a mates 50th from his school days and I graciously declined and stayed home. I watched a chick flick and then when the movie was over I sorted out my scrapping stuff. The girls were rapt and couldn't believe I was giving it away. Now I can justify buying some new stuff. I have been very frugal of late, and in the last twelve months have spent very little on my scrapping.

Sunday was a lovely day. Lots of yummy food and laughs. The kids had a ball looking for Easter Eggs, we had a ball hiding them....

On Easter Monday, dh took me to REBEL sports and I got new hand weights.....oops I have just realized that I have probably already said all this......aahhhh......never mind, I will continue, I was actually going to spend more time on another topic and just got awfully sidetracked.....

I walked Monday afternoon, and felt good afterwards, I also walked on Wednesday and felt great afterwards.....no residual hip pain. I did take some nurofen beforehand, I wonder if that helped.

Okay, onto my main part. I worked two days in the Special School this week. A nice little earner for me again this week, made all the better, by not having to put kids in care nor paying a huge amount in fuel. I read a post here
and decided to write one along similar lines. My work days are so full, I don't really know where to start to try and capture them on print.....but I will try.

This was my day on Thursday
* My day was pre booked so I knew I was working, always makes such a difference. Drove kidlets to school, and headed of to my school.
* 8.10am Arrive at school
* Speak with teacher who is having non-contact to attend a meeting with parent while she outlines the day and hands me a folio of the kids profiles.
* Talk to teacher, try to look closely at photos so I know who is who before they come in.
* Read through profiles of one cerebral palsy boy, plus three autistic boys. All are non verbal, cerebral palsy kid can say words when prompted.
* kids arrive into room, and as they are autistic, they need routine, so one thing is already different, I am not their usual teacher. Thank God for program assistants who know the children(unlike my day the other week when both the teacher and assistant were away, and I had another assistant and it was the blind leading the blind).
* Kids all have sensory activities in boxes beside their table, so they sit and 'play'. One boy loves 'trickling', so just sits rocking and trickling through some plastic dinosaurs. One boy totally self motivated, barely looks at me and just sits and works through his tasks one by one, no doubt in the same order as he has done them every other day.
* Meanwhile S is strolling around the room picking up everything he shouldn't be. I let him have some Thomas pictures and coerce/bribe him to sit down. Meanwhile he squeals at me and I wonder how long it will be before my head aches.
* Kids go to music (is my head going to ache here??), Kids sit in a circle with percussin instruments. They respond to music, some singing and rocking, some singing with their eyes closed just enraptured (this was done with two other classes). I hold M's hands and try to get him to play with the rhythm sticks. S holds onto his Thomas picture and just looks at his instrument.
* Last song 'Who let the dogs out' sends them all into a frenzy, they get up and play with ribbons on sticks, while I keep my back to the door, making sure none of my charges 'escape'.
* Come back, D sets the table for morning tea, and they all sit and eat. I disdain at the crap in the kids' lunch boxes. I can't give them the food in the wrong order, D likes to eat in a certain order. M is gluten free and is Mum has sent in a pie for him to eat!! Go figure.
* All can feed themselves so I just supervise and ensure that their routine is adhered to. Kids put their dishes away, can choose a free activity before they go out to play.
* M sits down on the ground and won't go to the playground. We coerce him with a small piece of chocolate.
* Go in breathe a sigh of relief and have a cuppa. One session over and I haven't lost anyone yet.
* Collect charges. Assistant toilets them. Thankfully two of them go by themselves.
* S is determined not to do any work. Pictures on velcroed onto a card show him he needs to do some work before the computer. More screeching, head butting, screaming, (gosh why isn't my head bursting yet). Me just repeating over and over, almost like a mantra to myself. Just complete your work and you can have the computer. Sit down and please do your work, on and on and on and on........thank God no-one's taping me.
* S finally decides to work, takes him two mins to complete a task. Simple tracing over lines, pre writing stuff. These kids are 12 so gives you an idea of their level of intellect. D is quite bright and can write his name, and will pick up things fairly quickly. I am unsure, but I don't think he's had much formal schooling, so this environment will see him blossom - to a degree.
* M is walking around, or trickling again. He sits on a bean bag and seems happy in his own little world. There is no response from him, none at all. He understands because sometimes he does what is asked of him, but that is restricted to 'come here' or 'sit down'.
* S is finally deciding to sit down and place hands in shaving cream. Has a lovely feeling to it, only on kid actually likes to touch it. It's great because you can write their name in it and they can trace over it. And it feels so smooth and lovely, but many of these kids hate the sensation - they will eat mud, or laminated cards but baulk at touching shaving lotion!! S can now go to computer......peace, as he's not screaching at me.
* K partcipates in everything, but needs a constant reminder to wipe his mouth. He dribbles continually, so I felt like I was always avoiding slobber. He's pretty good though, and wipes when reminded, but there's a lot on his shirt . K likes to play in the shaving cream, using my hand!!
* We wash up and play some board games. D is savvy and wants to win, so looks at things before he picks them up. Both K and D are good at matching images. Again I avoid slobber, most of the time anyway.....
* M is sitting in the corner trickling and doesn't smell too pleasant. Apparently Mum demands he wear jocks!! Mmmmmm, not a good idea - what the??
* Pack up and prepare table for lunch. Take children to play area. Am on duty so need to stay. One child runs off, I chase, and then he sits down. He'd weigh as much as I do, so there's no way I can pick him up. Fortunately the teacher in the room beside me, has a tiny bit of chocolate, so once again I can tempt M into the play area. I am on duty with my assistant, so at least I have some company. I have to man the puddle made by the a/c as the kids want to play in the mud. We place a barrel over the puddle and then M spends time trying to push me away to try and get to the water. I sit on teh barrel, and he pushes me off and sits on the barrel himself - rocking.
* I go and have lunch and am feeling a tad weary, but not unhappy.
* More disgrunted behaviour from S ensues as I ask him to brush his hair again. He brushes his teeth with lightning speed too. Have to assist assistant by holding M's head so she can brush his teeth, well his front ones anyway, he just bites the toothbrush.
* M is not happy, so the afternoon bike ride doesn't take place. I ad lib, by reading stories and dancing. Love the kids's faces as I read a spider story and I run my fingers up their arms, they cackle with delight.......so cool. And they love to dance.
* Day finishes, we have to put their shoes and socks back on, paying heed to do the one last who always pulls his off.... We take them to the bus shelter and I stand and wait until their bus and carer comes and gets them. K is going to after school care so I take him there. He's not happy, as he wanted to go home....
* I had a good day, but a very hard one. Not for the fainthearted.
* I have been screeched at, taunted, yelled at, glared at, head butted, pushed, shoved, and had my feet stood on......over and over again.
* The upshot of that is my arthritic toe is so incredibly sore. It was throbbing and throbbing. Normally I know it hurts, it always hurts to be squeezed, but it never bothers me otherwise........ not until it gets repeatedly trodden on. I had no nurofen in the house, so ending up anethatizing myself with a few glasses of wine and then I got a little relief with an ice pack. It wasn't any better this morning. I went and got some nurofen plus, which helped the throbbing, but it's still awfully tender.......methinks I'll need to wear steel capped boots, a cool look ......

What did you do?

"What did you do? Please tell me your secret recipe? What did you do to create such an amazing child?  He is awesome. He received merit awards the whole time. He is so helpful, so encouraging, he looks after his friends. He is gracious and kind.  I have been meaning to tell you this - I feel so much better now, I am just amazed. You should bottle this, he is an amazing kid, he is so polite - always.  Everyone there, all the adults there, couldn't get over what a wonderful kid he is.  Please tell me your secret recipe? "

This monologue greeted me when I picked up my eldest boy from camp.  I stood there and cried, freely, tears streaming down my face.  My son's teacher told me this and I was so filled with pride, I thought I would burst - Billy-Joe cried too.  

This is what I work toward. This is what I persist for. This is what discipline and love are for. This is what guidance and patience and perseverance are for.

My boy I am so overwhelmed with this and so so proud of you.

Update

I couldn't think of a better title for the post.......can't always be as creative.

Last time I wrote I spoke of how I was happy with my decision to knock back a six day contract. I am still happy with my decision....... The special school rang me on Monday, so I've had one day's relief work which is great. It also meant I was able to keep my appointments. Tomorrow I will see my physiotherapist and my gp in relation to my leg issues....

I have had good days, and not so good days. If I walk too much, it hurts like mad, not while I am walking, but later on. Yesterday I walked my circuit (very hilly) and then three hours later did virtually the same route to pick up the kidlets from school. I paid for that last night.....

I had my x-ray and CT scan today, and have read the report. (Am I the only one who reads the reports, that say 'for referring doctor only'??) That's a load of parlaffle. I want to know my results and not wait until some 'learned' individual tells me. My results, didn't show anything insidious, just some degenerative stuff which is normal for my age.

I will see the specialist at the start of May, will see what happens there.

My rara avis

This blog is me, it's mine, it's generally all about me.  But that's only a small facet of who I actually am. 

After an IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting with the school today about my middle boy, I realized how little I actually write about him.  I have scrapped the odd layout on him and his quirkiness in the past, but never in any great depth or detail.  Maybe I thought, if I didn't make a big deal about it, it wasn't really happening.....which is in sharp contrast to how I actually believe and how I do all I can to support, nuture and help him to become the best he possibly can.

I still thank the fact that my being so particular and observant actually noticed, acknowledged and took action on what I observed with Sammy.  It's because of that I had him 'labelled' in order to receive assistance at school.  I know many parents baulk at the idea that their child, is different, or 'not quite right'.  My biggest hurdle was articulating my fears to my husband, which is ridiculous as he's the most tolerant and understanding person I know, and has never been one to put on the 'macho crap' of 'not my boy!!'.  He's the man that was quite happy for my boys to have dolls to play with when they were young and Mummy was expecting or had a baby........no - defnitely not the man who would poo poo any of my thoughts about our children.

Sammy is my worry child. He's the one that makes my heart hurt. He's the one I hope and pray for- that people will accept him for what and who he is. Children can be unbelievably cruel, but thankfully, his wonderful nature has deflected that, and bullying or ridicule hasn't been a problem.  

Fortunately, academically he is going along very well. And the credit goes to the school, whose support I can find no fault with.  He is in a situation now, where the class has a full time aide, and Sammy benefits from this.  He now has someone, who will sit by and help him through the anxious moments of uncertainty, and has someone who will prompt him along when he becomes distracted.

There are days, and moments, where I look at him and think he's fine. There are days where he just travels along, happily,doing all he is supposed to do without reminder or dalliances.  Then other days it's like I am dragging him through sludge and mud so thick, that he can't hear, see or do anything other than maybe stare at the TV.  I wish so much that I could see inside his mind, that I could think how he thinks and see how he sees and perceives the world.  I know he is wired differently and I so desperately want to understand.  I want to know what makes him hurt, I want to know what makes him scared. He speaks so little......  How hard he makes my heart ache, is how much it makes it soar when he laughs.  He  loves humour, like I do, the ridiculous stuff, like Mr. Bean being extra ludicrous.  His face, so often devoid of emotion is just full of smiles and is lit up and accompanied by a laugh which is like music to my ears.  Even as I sit here, I can't help the emotion welling up inside of me.

From the first moment........from when I was told I would never ever have another baby. To the scary blood tests and detailed scans, to the cancelled amniocentisis, to his early entry into the world, to the helicopter trip to Brisbane, to the intubation and crucial days of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, to his first day of school, to now, he has always always tugged at my heart.  And he always will.

He received a birthday card from my brother - it's probably two birthdays ago now, but the words within I will never forget. The poignancy of the card was made even moreso because of the fact that my brother had never written in a card to my kids before, and then added to the message 'Dear Sam the man I am - you are destined for great things'.......  My dear brother, you will probably never ever know how much those words meant to me.  

I love all my three boys, with bottomless intensity.  I am fiercely protective and as strongly adamant that I will do my best so that they are beautiful adults - they are already beautiful children, often being complimented by others who come across them, which is always heartwarming, especially if I haven't been around when their observations were made.  But Sammy, Sammy you are the one I worry about, the one I cry over, the one I fear for.   

I am thankful for you. I am thankful that you show me the world through your eyes. I just want to make things a little easier for you. I will pursue speech therapy for a while, I want your expressive language analyzed, so that you can tell me (or anyone) what's on your mind.  I want to develop what's inside of you, so that it can come out.  I love it when you tell me something, that is so far left field - but so amazingly insightful.  You have an intuition rare in someone so young.  I want you to trust that intuitiveness and take comfort in it.  I want you to know how to react when things go wrong, or you feel overwhelmed. I want you to have the words to make others see the world the way you do.  

I am also, at some stage going to find out if you have any musical talent.  You have great pitch and can hold a tune.  I wonder if there is a talent there inside of you somewhere.  Maybe I will make you go - rather than giving you the choice.  You have talent, your memory is awesome, I think there's something there, maybe, just maybe - just waiting to burst through.  I still can't get over your talent for football - and how you amazed me with your first game. You are the tiniest on your side, and yet you have no fear, no hesitation to just drop your opponent.....and they, being caught completely unawares just drop to the ground.  All these things and more, will add to your confidence and help build your self esteem.....

You are an especially wonderful little boy. You light up my whole life.......

"Today you are You,

that is truer than true.

There is no one alive

who is

Yoer than You."

~Dr. Seuss~

My day thus far

I love Saturdays, they are my favourite day of the week,
even though I have
* brought a big load of washing in,
* hung out another smaller load
* folded and put washing away
* Emptied dishwasher
* Cleaned ceiling fans
* Dusted
* Walked
* Tidied kitchen

Now I can sit and relax for a couple of hours. Oh what lovely luxury knowing a few hours stretch ahead with no commitments or urgency. Billy-Joe has gone to a friend's house, the two younger ones are in on the computer, they will go outside later on. The weather is unseasonally cool again, just wonderful - I love it like this. It's been the best summer ever, very different with loads of rain, but not many days where it's been disgustingly hot. Autumn has arrived and summer hasn't even made am impact. It's been great weather for starting my walking regime, it doesn't matter when I walk, it's just pleasant.

My parents are coming for dinner. They offered to bring pizzas, but being on WW I don't want to waste my points on something like that. I don't mind pizza, don't get me wrong, but I now prefer my own homemade one. We will probably buy a couple for the kids to have a treat and we will have Eye Fillet, chargrilled vegies and a blue cheese sauce. I will make it on light evaporated milk, instead of cream, plus I have a few points up my sleeve for some wine too, so should be a lovely evening.

Looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.

A lot to say, but very busy.

I have been rather busy since my last posting. Good busy!

My work 'drought' has finished (the money drought is still happening, because I haven't been paid yet) but things are heading in the right direction. The last two weeks I've had a day a week at Kenilworth, even had the cute little Preps on one day. What a lovely bunch of kids.......much nicer having a straight Prep rather than the PreSchool/Year 1-2 mix from last year. It's rare that I can focus on a single year level. On the other day, I worked with my old teaching partner, in a huge classroom. There are two teachers for 40 kids, and the kids move between the teaching spaces, depending on what's happening, so a very busy and well organized place. I just went where I was told lol.....

The pièce de résistance , however was that the local Special School rang me and asked me to work for a day. I was so excited - finally. I spent a day a term there two years ago, because, I wanted to show them that I was keen, even though I had no experience in that field. When I left that afternoon, I was asked to go to the office and was offered three more days (one of which I couldn't take because I was already booked). What a fantastic place to work. Mind you it bears little resemblance to a mainstream school, but it's so much better. The teachers there are just awesome, and I really enjoyed being and working with the kids. I think I like it because it really appeals to my nuturing side. My first choice of profession was always nursing, and I love teaching too. This job encompasses both disciplines. At first I would come away and thank the Lord that my kids were 'normal'. But even now after only a few days, I am finding joy in the things they can achieve. I guess it's like having a young child actually grasp something, we like to take some credit for the child having achieved something as we are sure it's because of us that they achieved this. I have been working with the 'transition' kids - 16 years old and above. Some are non verbal, some are confined to a wheel chair and non verbal. But many are quite physically able and are 'teachable'. I was in my element today as a teacher came from TAFE, for the Digital Photography course. Well, I know someone was watching from above - if anything is my forte, that definitely is. There are only 100 kids in the school but the school is huge, as there are only about 5-6 kids in each classroom. The rooms always have large common areas behind or between them with fully operational kitchens. I enjoy working with the older kids where the focus is on life skills rather than academic ones. I have another day booked next week and the week after, and I hope there are more to come. It would be fantastic, if I could work there regularly. The other bonus was, that I don't have to put the kids into care, as the work is local, and they only have to wait 15 minutes for me to come and get them........ I am saving on petrol and child care which would be about $18 per day (altogether).

This weekend just gone was the scrapbooking retreat. I think it was the best one yet. The theme this time was 'Fairies' and my girlfriends wanted me to dress up..... Now I don't do dress ups. I don't want to do it unless I can look okay. Plus I pike out as I don't have the time or energy to get something organized. Fortunately I am a good follower and with guidance I can achieve anything. Barbi came around last Thursday afternoon, and I made my 'fairy' skirt. Barbi had bought the fabric for us and told me how to do it. We had a really nice afternoon - and I really enjoyed making it. I finished it on Friday afternoon. I will photography my layouts when the weather improves and when I am home (I photograph without a flash and need good daylight). My dear girlfriend Kerrie came and we had a ball. I haven't seen much of her lately as she nursed her Mum who died a few weeks ago. Kerrie needed that weekend. She needed it to re energize and to feel normal again. I can't wait for the next one, and I hope we can catch up m0re now that her time is freer. and she is always good fun. My other friend was also there, but she was rather quiet all weekend. Another friend just came for the nights, and she is always good fun, and it was great seeing her back to her old self. I was getting a bit worried about her, and was really happy to see her laughing and enjoying herself.

It was an awesome weekend.

Sleepy Sunday

I can't believe the weekend is nearly over again. It goes far too quickly. I had a couple of late nights, Friday night Scrapping and last night dh and I had a party for two, so another late one. I paid for it today. I got up early and went to church, and then came home, had brunch and then went and snoozed for a few hours. I feel much better now. I can't start the week exhausted, as I never seem to catch up during the week.

On Friday, I got a note back from Catholic Education, saying, sorry they no longer process paper applications and that I would need to lodge an online application. Man I was not impressed, they didn't even send me back all my documentation. I hadn't copied my referees information, or kept a copy of the graduation certificate or anything. Anyway, 2 and a half hours later, and I had it all done - not before fearing that I'd lost the lot, because it didn't seem to want to go onto the next 'stage'. I received verification straight away, that I could visit schools and let them know I was available, and that the online profile was available for schools to view. I rang and spoke to them at Cath Ed to find out about what steps I would need to take to be able to teach in a permanent position. Seems if you are not Catholic, it doesn't look kindly toward your prospects. Even though I have a strong faith, it's not enought. My husband (who is Catholic) said I should have said I was............I couldnt' do it. I would think that kind of discimination wouldn't hold up in a court of law, but there you go..some things never change. At least I can do supply work there, so I will drop in my resume and see the school in an 'offical' capacity, and let them know I am available. I know they have had another mother of students working there, so that shouldn't be an issue.

I had the strangest day yesterday. I had done most of my chores during the week so that my Saturday could be a little easier. Peter stayed home for a change which was nice. I got him to give the house a good vacuum and then I mopped the floors, so that was good to get done. We hunted around on taste.com.au for a delicious recipe and dh went out to buy the things we needed. I gave Billy-Joe another baking lesson, we made gingerbread men out of the packet. That was fun, and he really enjoyed it. Earlier in the day, the kids had watched Garfiled Movie in Billy-Joe's room complete with popcorn. They were so well behaved, I was most impressed. Like all good things, it was to come to a crashing holt, when, they got restless and Billy-Joe and Mickey bashed heads.Mickey came out bellowing and screaming, Billy-Joe being the elder with supposedly more sense hidden there somewhere was sent into time out while I tended to Mickey's sore eye with an ice pack. After the time out time was over, I checked Billy-Joe's eye and saw it was even worse than Mickey's, so his was ice packed too. One thought have thought that an injury like that resulting from shenanigans might have stemmed their enthusiasm for more. A couple of hours later, Mickey was doing forward flips on Daddy's bed, miscalculated and hit the corner of the same eye on the shelf. He came screaming up the stairs, blood streaming down his face, his father chasing him, but Mickey needed his Mummy. I quickly grabbed the closest cloth to staunch the blood and apply pressure. Dr. Mum knew it needed suturing...... The peace of my afternoon, and the relaxation which seemed promisingly ahead, was shattered. Two hours later I came home with a little boy and a glued eye.

I had a bath with him, he still needed me close, and I had a relaxing bath, with a glass of wine in hand. His eye is quite swollen this morning,but I haven't given him anymore pain relief. He's a tough little mite....... Peter fed the kids and started with our dinner, chopping and prepping. I had bought these two racks of lambs over two pay days as they were so hideously expensive. I thought eye fillet was expensive, that is until you pay $32/kg for rack of lamb. There wasn't a skerrick of fat on it. The dinner was to die for. The meat was marinaded in chilli sauce, fish sauce, garlic, mint, and left in the fridge for a few hours. The sauce was chopped fresh mint, palm sugar, rice venegar, lime juice, garlic and chilli. Then I made Sweet potato rosti. We had a party for two, and didn't eat until about 11pm. I had also made a Caramel tart for dessert which with whipped cream is the most decadent easiest dessert you can possibly make....... It was a fabulous evening, we had a great night. Awesome food, awesome company, awesome music.......and awesome other stuff, which will remain private......perfect night!! (I knew you'd be wondering why we didn't eat until 11pm!!!)

Much to the disbelief of everyone in my family, I was up bright and early and headed out to church. Billy-Joe came too, which was pretty good. Barbi led worship at the Church of Christ and the service was nice.......and I was soooooo tired. But would never have forgiven myself if I hadn'at gone, I have always wanted to go back and said I might go back one day, if Barbi leads worship again.....I came home, had brunch, and then dozed for a few hours. I have finished my novel I was reading too, and now have sat downt o write some emails and post here..........

I will update my food blog if you are interested in the recipe.....

Happy Valentines Day

It's always a special evening in our house. I bought Peter a yummy bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and a tin of chocolate covered brazil nuts which he will love and I have to promise not to eat on him........ He came home this morning to help me carry the groceries inside, and said he wanted me in a negligee when he got home........ I don't have any - which he knows. Goodness knows what he would buy if he actually went and got me some. It wouldn't fit for starters because the man has rose coloured glasses where I am concerned and wouldn't buy it big enough. I bought myself a bottle of sparkling shiraz, normally kept for Christmas, but I felt like something different and didn't feel like champagne perse........ and sparkling shiraz is delicious. Cold bubbly and with that beautiful dryness that you can only get from a shiraz mmmmm For dinner I went and bought these chicken things the butcher makes which are delicious and effortless. It's chicken with spinach and cheese and puff pastry. They've made it ina roll, and you buy it by the slice. It cooks in about half an hour and is delicious. Something premade that's actually really really good. I am just going to have some beans, broccoli, carrots and potato with it. Nice easy dinner, with maximum flavour, I like that.

I worked yesterday, so the drought has broken. They rang me today and booked me for more days in April and May, so at least I know that's coming up. They spread the days out over several weeks, and made it a contract, which means the money won't be as good as a normal TRS day (About $90 per day less), but I am not in a position to knock it back, so gratefully accepted it........ It felt so good knowing that it was starting up again. Now I just have to hope it continues so that I can meet all my obligations. Currently we are paying for food out of the 'extra' money that Peter earns, and that's not something we've ever done before. I tried so hard to keep the shopping down in price today, and managed to reduce it a little, but boy I was scungy and frugal...... My groceries are usually around $220 - $240 per week. That includes two bottles of wine, today I managed to do the whole lot for just under $200 and that included the wine (not the present wine) and the chicken from the butcher. We normally go and get extra stuff during the week too, maybe some milk, and some vegies if we are cooking something special on Saturday night, but the last few weeks, we have been making do with what we have home.

I have to go and pick up the kids shortly, they are at after school care, so gives me a little breather on a Thursay - don't have to race out at 2.30pm to pick them up. It's been raining on and off again today, so I need to be quick in between downpours.....

A quiet rainy one

I have lived here 18 years, and this is the wettest I have ever known it. I know we are supposed to have a 'wet season' every summer and that's normal, and it's something we don't normally have. I hate rain........don't mix me with water, unless it's self inflicted via a shower or a swim. I hate getting my hair wet. I spend time doing my hair every day, and even put on makeup, so I hate getting wet, probably what I hate more than getting my hair wet, is that I get cold. Nothing worse than getting into a car - wet- and having to put the a/c on because otherwise the windows would fog up, and I am sitting there in a singlet top nearly freezing my ninnies off....... On the upside there's nothing more conforting then having my kids and me all sitting here watching TV, playing the gameboy reading or whatever in our jammies at 4.15 in the afternoon, and the rain is pouring down and we are all home safe, comfortable and dry, and a yummy chile con carne is cooking on the stove top. Only downside is Bunny is still out working, although apparently this afternon he is under cover which is good for a change.

I woke up this morning with a sore throat and whopping headache, so, after I dropped the kids to school, had a couple of panadol and my breakfast, I headed off back into my nest. Spent an hour and a half just dozing and felt better for it when I got up. I spent the rest of the day dusting, tidying, and clearing out junk which I just collect. I also did my exercises that my physio has given me to do. I feel better in the legs this morning, although the hip flexor exercises hurt, I don't hobble everytime I get up from a sitting position.

I made pikelets again for afternoon tea, and they were better than yesterdays....... Bunny will be happy to know I made extra for him.

I had a Mac OS X update to do today.Thank goodness I had increased my broadband plan as it was 340MB worth of Leopard updates.......

Spoke to my parents today which was nice. They are housesitting, and horse and dog and bird and cat sitting for my brother and his wife while they are on holidays. I can't believe how much I am missing them. Not that I see them all the time, just knowing they are away is weird......

Planning and healing and hurting

I've had a good day today, I was productive too, which is always a good feeling. I didn't need to do any housework which is always nice for a change - well that's if you don't include the washing, cleaning out the linen cupboard, cooking dinner, making pikelets for afternoon tea, emptying the dishwasher and cooking dinner as housework lol.......

In the morning I put together some of the kids' story books and searched and printed off some activities that I could do if I was ever to get called into the special school. I had my name down with them two years ago, even did volunteer days, and never got called in, even though they were happy with me. I need to go back and remind them that I am still interested. I know there are teachers who are going on leave and who are pregnant, so I may have a chance.

At noon I had my physio appointment and I was so glad for it. I am still in quite a lot of pain, even though I know she is helping. I walk out of there feeling so much freer and the pain is gone.......it's now dinner time and I had to take some Panadol as I am feeling quite sore. She gave me more exercises which I have done, and she also did acupuncture while I was there. Every time I get up to walk, my legs feel really sore, and then it takes a few steps and they don't feel too bad. I hope she fixes me........

Monday afternoon homework is always quite an onerous task. Thankfully Billy-Joe does his with little help from me, but the other two needs loads of help. Mickey needs assistance with reading, Sammy is great there, his reading is fantastic. Actually he has no problem completing his homework at all, it's just like pulling hen's teeth, as his concentration levels are kaput........ We always get there in the end though....thank goodness. They are all very responsible and love to do all their homework in one afternoon instead of spreading it out over the whole week. This means we only read on the other afternoons, but I know it's all done.....

Dinner is really easy, Billy-Joe is at scouts and we are having Honey and Mustard Chicken Tonight, I can't help myself though I had to add more salt, garlic, more seeded mustard and I added some corn too. I hate plain food, in hindsight I should have made the green curry which was my other option for tonight. I just didn't want to be in the kitchen all afternoon. Bunny has take Billy-Joe to scouts and will be home shortly.

It's Valentines Day on Thursday, always a special day for us. Unfortunately my financial status deems that I can't buy anything......... I may just end up getting a nice bottle of wine I think.

Am finding peace.......

One of the wonderful things of this life, is that one can always improve oneself. I try so hard all the time, to try and be a better wife, better mother, better friend, even a better stranger. I do want to make a difference. I want to be gracious and kind....... I am caring and loving and fiercely loyal to those close to me, but I want to be better. I also want to lose or decrease the amount of stress in my life. These are my main foci, for this lifetime.

For my birthday Barbi gave me a beautiful book called "Peace for the Woman's Soul', it's a Christian based book, based in bible readings, but what I love about it are the inspirational insights written by 'normal' Godfearing people...... I get lost in the Bible, I can't make sense of all the way they write, and this book is easy to read, and very very soothing....... So, combined with that, and the wonderful power of prayer, I think I am starting to make inroads, and am becoming the person I knew I could always be.

As a foundation, I need to rely on what I have. I have a small family and a small circle of friends, all whom I love deeply. They have all brought something special into my life and enrich it daily. Who am I without them? So why don't I try to make myself better for them?

School's gone back, mayhem (or the level of mayhem that I allow) is back. But I am going about my daily chores/responsiblities with a grace and a quiet love which has been awesome for me, for my kids and last but not least for my blood pressure.

I love my family and I love for them to have things 'just right', and while I am not one of those mothers for whom the children (and husbands) thinks is a door mat, I am happy to make my family's life rich and full of all the 'motherly and wifely' influences that I can give them. Let's face it, that's what they will remember when they are all grown up. I want them to remember a Mum who loved them deeply, taught them, cooked for them, laughed with them, helped them, talked to them, protected them, nutured them..........that's what I want them to remember.

I am, and always will be a works in progress in more ways than one.

Back to School, but not for me yet.

My kidlets went back to school last week, and are having a great time. Billy-Joe has entered year 7 with a great attitude - I am so very proud of him. Sammy was reluctant but is very happy now, and Mickey is just permanently happy and seeks delight in all things.

I am about to head out to see a JP and get my copied university degree certified, so I can put in my application to do supply teaching with Catholic Education. I have put this off for quite a while, and have decided that working at the kids' school would be fantastic. I would love to work in an education system which is faith based, plus I love the ethos of a small school, and working in my kids' school in particular would solve some child care issues. I am also planning on driving out to Cooroy and introducing myself there. I want to drive down and see how long it takes, I always make a recognizance mission before I decide whether or not I want to work there. I have worked there before, but it's about 14 years ago, when I was the Vacantaion Care and After School Care Coordinator. The road is different now, but it's still a fair distance.

Dinner tonight is Roast Pork, with Crunchy (as the kids call it). Should be yummy. I have to go and get some sweet potatoe and some normal potatoes. I will roast some pumpkin, onions and carrots.......mmmmmmm.

You still hold your brothers' hands, this will be the last year that you do this. I always so proud, every single morning as I watch you all walk up to the school steps together. It makes my heart sing.

My three beautiful boys, all in Billy-Joe's classroom.

Been Hurting Too Long

It's hard to believe that one can actually become blasé about pain ...........so much so that it becomes such a natural part of your life that you actually have work arounds, or management strategies for almost everything you do. I haven't been to the gym for ages, nor have I been dancing for ages either. There are several contributing factors, the main one, no expendable income at the moment, not wanting to go out of an evening and disrupting the whole family evening meal thing for the sake of my enjoyment, and the bottom line is I hurt too much to do either gym or dancing. I have had problems with my arms, since my last child was a baby. For a long time, when dh was home more, he did the vacuuming. I would only do it on rare occasions. I have been doing it again now for a long time, and my arms are just not coping anymore. I have dh come home to help me carry the groceries inside. When I need milk, I never buy 3L anymore because I can't carry it, not because it's heavy, but because I am in so much pain by the time I get the milk home (because of the weight, if that statement makes sense), it's not worth it. Everything I do hurts, lifting the frypan, lifting the pan full of cooking rice, even my handbag is hard to pick up..........and all that stuff should be easy. I also needed to get my legs looked at. I have to do several hip flexor exercises, sometimes even before I can go to sleep because the pain is so great. I walk a little, and every step hurts...... So today I but the bullet and decided to make an appointment.

The physio was great. My back was out, lower and upper and this was transferring pain to my arms and legs, and as the left side was worse than the right, that's why I had more pain in my left arm and my left leg. Pity the whole thing costs so much, but what cost is health? I will make sure I don't take so long to go next time.

I slept in the afternoon, the treatment took a bit out of me, and I thought I'd just lie down........and slept. And had a great night's sleep too.

Edited.....
I never did post this yesterday, so will just continue on today.

I woke up today, to yet another wet day. We have had a phenomenal amount of rain this summer, actually it's no summer at all, but I really don't mind. I hate it when it's stinking hot. It's a nice change and the garden just looks divine. I took a couple of panadol this morning as I felt a bit bruised, but my leg isn't twinging with every step I make, which is fantastic. I go back on Thursday, so will see how I progress. She said my arms will take a lot longer to heal, as it's kind of tricky resting two arms. She said one option was to put my worst arm in a sling, but I will just be a good girl and get Billy-Joe to help me out with heavy pans etc.

It's Shrove Tuesday today, and much to Mickey's delight, I went into school and helped cook pancakes. Can you believe it's only the second time I have ever gone to help at the school, and I actually enjoyed it. I do like being in the classroom, and it was nice being there as a Mum, although the Teacher did come out and got busy organizing and teaching as we went along, I can't help myself.

The highlight of my morning, though, was as I was leaving, Billy-Joe was in the office: he saw me and came running out and we chatted and walked together back to his classroom. You can imagine my absolute delight, when he leant forward and gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye...... He had a classmate with him, and yet, he was the same, loving and thoughtful boy - as always. I love you Billy-Joe.

Things I say

My friends have often commented on the fact that I have some unique ways of expressing myself.

One term I often use, but felt that it may be racist, so I try and stop myself from using it....... I would never be deliberately racist, but I thought I'd better check out the origon of what I was saying.

I often say, "I was running around like a navvy!" Meaning I have been extremely busy, I use this as an alternative for 'running around like a headless chook' but somehow the former phrase is my preferred one.

I looked it up and am happy that I can keep using it.....

Definitions of navvy on the Web:

a labourer who is obliged to do menial work. Originally, a laborer on canals for internal navigation; hence, a laborer on other public works, as in ...
www.artistwd.com/joyzine/australia/strine/n-2.php

drudge: a labourer who is obliged to do menial work
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Navvy is a shorter form of the word 'navigator' and is particularly applied to describe the manual labourers working on major civil engineering projects. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Navvy

Goodbye Falcon

I felt quite ill all day today. I like how I cope with stress, but I hate how I react physiologically to these kinds of things. My head copes well, the rest of my body, including my heart and my stomach, don't do so well. I lay in bed last night, it was nearing midnight and my heart was racing and I had that awful sense of anticipation and trepidation within me. I knew deep down inside that we had the right decision, but on the surface, I was questioning myself. I had a memory that the car was quite oldish looking, that it didn't even have carpet on the floors. I was sad that there weren't electric mirrors and that it felt 'big' to sit in.

All I can say, is that I wish I could have picked it up before 4pm today, I could have saved myself some anguish. I was sitting in the finance guy's office with my mouth so dry, I couldn't speak properly....... I had taken photos of my car in the morning, and felt I needed to do that, I needed something to remember it by. The kids were great, and humoured their scrapbooking Mama. I even got Billy-Joe to take a photo of me sitting in it.

After I had signed the paper work, I had to sit and wait - but coudn't relax, so I stood up and watched the traffic going by, and then with a start realized that my new car was just outside the window. I had already walked past her twice and hadn't even noticed her...... I just thought all the 'good, new' cars were out there, and that mine was hiding out back somewhere. I was so surprised, the car looked fabulous, all shiny and new, I suddenly lost the sick feeling and felt rather excited, which was probably all that I was feeling, before, but now I could let myself be excited and I didn't worry anymore.

I drove it up to show my Mum and Dad, and they liked it, and, like me were surprised at how big it was and laughed that I didn't think it had any carpet inside.....

I hopped in the car to go and pick up my kidlets from holiday care.......and couldn't start the thing. Nothing I could do made the motor even turn over. Dead! Dead as a Dodo bird!!! I shut the door, turned off the radio, turned off the a/c, made sure my seatbelt was on............but nothing!!! I went upstairs and rang Toyota, and was assured that the mechanic would ring me shortly, he was currently on another call. I went back downstairs and waited for the call. Dad was busy reading the manual and I sat back into the car and started pushing more buttons...... Lo and behold, it started! I had somehow managed to immobilize the car, by inadvertently triggering it's security system. Well, you can only imagine my happiness when it started.......it could only happen to me!!!

Not only is the car shiny and new, it has carpet, it also has electric side mirrors which I just love, and it has cup holders which the falcon didn't have. The middle seat belt in the back was a proper belt too, so I didn't need the harness belt for Billy-Joe. The boot is huge and it drives really nicely. I have my frangipani steering wheel cover on, and some of my bits and pieces, and it feels like my car.....

I look forward to driving her again, and I know I won't cringe the next time I go to the bowser.

My New Car

I actually am posting this out of order. Better late than never.

I don't regret many things in my life - thankfully even from the not so good things I have done I have always come out wiser and stronger.

I do regret a little that nearly five years ago we bought a new car and we bought a Falcon Station Wagon. I love that car. I still have a soft spot for them. Twenty years ago, I had one, I just loved it. It was my one and only new car. It was awesome. They are so easy to drive and so comfortable. I lost that one however, when my marriage at the time dissolved. I have always hoped for another.......

We bought the Falcon, with all the right motives. We wanted a car for our growing family, something comfortable and large enough, so that when we go away, we have enough room to pack all our stuff. We have only been camping a few times, it didn't turn out quite the holidays I had anticipated, so our holidays have become a week in a unit - that's a holiday for me.

I drive my car a lot. I spend most of it driving around town, and driving to work, which is a fair distance away, but hilly and windy - not really the kind of road one needs a six cylinder vehicle for.

This week the local Toyota Car Yard had a big sale on, and they stipulated on their brochure which was mailed to me, that they had cars from $6990. The salesman was very helpful but failed to show us anything under $10000.

Anyway, turns out the vehicle that was cheap, was their drawcard and that's the one we ended up buying. It's a Toyota Camry, perfect condition with one owner.

We pick it up on Tuesday.

I hope it's a good car, at least as good as the Falcon has been. The Falcon was needing some work done, it had couple of car park dings, and it needed four new tyres, it also needed some attention to small spots of rust coming through. The front end also needed some work. So we have a new old car and a new debt.

I am looking forward to cheaper fuel costs and also cheaper insurance and registration. What I save can go toward the payments. I will miss my big car, with all it's power, but this new one will be much more practical......

I will get some new frangipani stickers for the back window and will buy some new seat covers, black ones with pink frangipanis....... It will be a 'JennyCar' soon enough.....

Australia Day Weekend

I decided that this Australia Day would not go uncelebrated. I think that as a nation we are far to lax about praising the wonderful country where we live. Actually as a nation, generally the patriotism is only shown during a cricket match, or some other high profile sporting event. Rather pathetic I think. We do live in a wonderful place and I wanted to let this weekend go with something to remember.

So we did.

We celebrated with our bestest friends - my parents and we had a ball. Peter and I got into the spirit of things and decided to dress in bright unmatched outfits with hats, and even the kids made sure they wore hats, even indoors. My Dad, not to be outdone, got Mum's beach hat out of the car, and never mind that it was white with pink trim, he stoically wore it all afternoon, much to Mum's chagrin. We had fun, we laughed lots, drank some fabulous Australian wines and ate some fantastically tasty Australian food. I marinated some chicken tenderoins, and skewered them, we had lamb chops, and Mum made her infamous marinated pork spare ribs. Mum made her yummy coleslaw and I made a green tossed salad with kalamata olives and sundried tomatoes, and we had the Australian touch of beetroot, tinned corn, and some mexican bean mix for good measure. Peter bought me a bottle of Jim Barry's Riesling and it was absolutely delicious - I was quite sad to learn it wasn't a $10 bottle! Unfortunately it cost $16 so I won't be getting another in a hurry.

I love my Mummy dearly with all my heart!

Me with my four beautiful boys.

My middle boy - Sammy.

My Mum and Dad with his 'cute' hat.

Sammy and his Oma

All dressed up for Australia Day.

Friendship

I had this post floating around in my head yesterday, and I didn't get to it. I did scrapbook though, which was great fun, and I will put a photo of the layout on the bottom of this post.

I went scrapbooking on Friday night as per usual. I was excited because not only was Barbi going to be there, but my dear friend Karen, had promised that she would be there too, come hell or high water. You can imagine how perplexed I was when she smsed me during the day to tell me that Geoff had fallen, and had a suspected broken ankle. Neither of us were very sympathetic as we knew this would seriously thwart our plans. But she was strong, and, maintained, that if she were in that predicament, he would still go to work and leave her to contend with the four kids. So she did, left him with his crutches close by, Karen had put the baby to sleep and she could come out and 'play'. During the course of the day I had been in touch with my other dear friend, and asked her if she would come, seeing as she was still on holidays, and I knew the late night wouldn't be a hassle as she could sleep in the next day, rather than have to front up to work.

I just had the best night. I just felt so lucky, to have spent the night with my three best friends. I made myself leave at 2am!! I could easily have kept scrapbooking, even Suzy, who normally flags earlier, could have kept going. We just chatted and chatted and chatted. We talked about everything, laughed lots, and just enjoyed being together. We ate dinner together and drank cups of tea together, and even did a little scrapbooking together as well. Those nights are so precious to me. They don't happen often enough, where we are all together - so I will treasure that night for a long time. For those hours, I can relax - totally and utterly relax. I can be myself - 100% me, just normal me, not mummy me, not wifey me, not housekeeper me, just me - Jenny - complete and in my element. I don't stress about anything, I don't need to worry about anything, not my weight, not how much money I don't have, not about the work I don't have, not about the things that are falling apart at home (as in physical things, not emotional things), I don't have to please anyone, rouse on anyone, or clean up! Those seven hours just went by in a flash! Being around those amazing women, is like taking a tonic, only works much quicker and is more pleasant to take. They are inspiring and have such uplifting personalities. I woke up the next morning feeling like I'd had a mini holiday. Even though I had had such a late night, I felt good in the morning, it was like a lingering glow was on my heart from all their laughter. We talked about sadness too, as Karen has just lost her Dad, but it was all grounded in a comfortable companionship which just enabled it to be therapeutic for us all rather than distressing - a true sign of friends listening and being there for each other.

I am lucky, truly blessed. I have a family that loves me, parents that love me, a husband that loves and adores me, and the best girl friends a woman could ask for.

I am back with a face lift

I have finished with my .mac experiment. After I received another email yesterday that my link didn't work, after I had already fixed it twice, I decided that the service Apple were offering just wasn't good enough. Plus I tried to sub to myself using bloglines to see how the blog came up, and I letters were substituted for symbols making the (new) title of my blog unreadable as anything that's bears a resemblance to a word. I had photos attached to all these posts too, but they required more work than just 'copy and paste, so at this stage I haven't updated the pics.

I have another post I want to upload, from yesterday plus I have a new post floating around in my head.

Thanks for persevering with my moving around..........

The glass is always half full

I have used that thread name somewhere down the line before. But it’s something I remind myself of often, and generally I am pretty good at thinking that way.

Yesterday, I was becoming more and more frustrated about the fact I couldn’t develop a new workflow! How hard can it be? It’s a brand new, beautiful computer, you aren’t daft, you should be able to figure it all out.

Thank goodness for the internet, user groups and forums. They have given me a wealth of information. I learnt yesterday, that even if I create a document in Word for Mac, I need to add the .doc file ending to the file, so it can open in Barbi’s PC - opens fine in my PC and my Mac, but not hers........I wish these things were easy to explain.

So today, I decided to focus on the positives of this awesome machine rather than focussing on its shortcomings. I read lots of posts about the great things that Leopard can do, and I felt my feelings toward the computer changing again. In between my day’s jobs of washing, changing beds cleaning the bathroom, unloading the dishwasher, playing junior monopoly, keeping kids happy, I was able to develop a new workflow.

>view photos in finder, using quicklook to enlarge image. This is much better than using iphoto as I can’t open another application from iphoto, but I can from finder. The browsers for viewing images in all the programs I downloaded were so inadequate in this area, as the images were all too small, and when you take many many photos of the same thing, it’s really hard to select the one you want when you can’t see them properly. The answer was right within Leopard itself, so I was very pleased
>Pixelmator most probably
>Duplicate image (save as)
>adjust levels
>Save images in one folder, use filename to give size required for printing.
>Use EasyCrop to resize images, and enable cropping of distracting backgrounds

Voila..........sounds a little longwinded,but I think it will work quite well.

Dinner tonight was a delicious Green Curry. It was quite spicy, so the kids ate bread with their’s as well as I didn’t give them much sauce.

I had some Christmas pudding for dessert, (it came in the Chrisco) which I shouldn’t have eaten, because I am beginning to look like one.......

Game of Life

Today’s been a good day. A continuation of this wonderful relaxing time. Last night at scrapbooking was great fun. Barbi and I had KFC for dinner which was a change from our routine Thai dinner. I actually did a layout last night.

My darling man is getting better at handing over the money. I was most impressed, and pleasantly surprised - actually he’s been great the whole holidays. He knows my income is down to virtually nothing, so I have no expendable income.This time last year, he really struggled with me having to ask for money. He was such a tightarse that it was almost humiliating for me to ask for money. I like my own funds, my own bank account and I don’t want to rely on anyone for my financial independence. I was bitten once, very very badly, and that will never ever happen again. During the year he’s really worked hard to be more appreciative of what I do with ‘my’ money and therefore is generous when I ask him for money. It works both ways. He can’t just take for granted all the things my income buys and pays for without giving in return - and he knows I appreciate it very much. So anyway, I did digress there a little. He came home from a job he had to do this morning and I knew he’d gotten paid. I have money put away now for the kids stationery and books, and I said I wanted to look at some new board games for the kids, plus Billy-Joe needed some new shorts. I am very lucky with kids’ clothes as I get so many hand me downs, but sometimes it’s nice to have something new to wear.

I got the kids Junior Monopoly which they have already played. My kind of game.....nice and quick but still fun. Billy-Joe enjoyed it, and Sammy liked it too. I also picked up a Connect 4 type game that Mickey really likes. I wanted the new ‘Game of Life - Twists and Turns’ but Toyworld was sold out, but I got it at an online store. By the time I added in freight it cost the same as Toyworld, so I decided to get it now rather than wait until maybe the end of the month. If this wet weather is going to start again, it would be good to have new games.
I also bought a new image editing program. Finally I have found one that will certainly tide me over until I can get Photoshop Elements 6. It was $AUD71 which isn’t free, but does everything I need a program to do. Who knows I may not even need PSE6. I bought the program from here .

Love these rainy, lazy, quiet days

The photo above is from playing in Photo Booth, as you can see the kids love the little inbuilt camera in the mac, and I get to play with all the wonderful little effects. I played with GraphicConverter a little more today, and I love how it edits, but can’t find the crop tool where I have all the control. There’s another program called Phoenix Slides which I will download late tonight. I have used over 70% of my usage allowance and I am only about 50% through my account period. I barely ever go near my limit, but this is the second month now since I have gone too close. Optusnet, slows my speed down that it makes internet browsing near on impossible. I don’t get charged for the extra, but I can only really use it for emails. I hope I remember to download the program during my off peak times, which is from midnight to midday the next day.

The rain seems to have stayed away today, but it’s still cool and overcast. Blissful, compared to what we are normally experiencing at this time of the year. Bunny has finished painting the verandah, and it looks fabulous - can’t wait for him to be able to start the front.

The kids are happy and are continuing to behave fantastically well. Today they even have their heads out of the gameboys/playstation/computer/nintendos.......and have spent nearly all day playing a WWE DVD board game. It’s quite heartwarming seeing Billy-Joe teach his younger brothers how to play the game. He will sleep well tonight, as he has been kept busy, organizing, paying out the money, counting out the money, reading all the questions and generally keeping the two younger ones under control. I take my hat off to him. Sometime he can be so mean, but today, he has done a fantastic job.

I have watched my first DVD of the Prison Break episodes. I was up late last night watching it. Love it, couldn’t believe that my little ipod would give such a crystal clear image for movie viewing. I never did get that people want to buy TV series on DVD, but I have never been so fascinated with a show before either. I have already filled in gaps, which make the whole thing make more sense. I still have so much to go. Can’t wait for season 3 to come out on DVD and for Season 4 to commence on TV.

Yesterday after many months of putting up with a sore neck and shoulders from my tired pillow, I went out and bought a beautiful latex contour pillow. My old pillow was a good one from a physiotherapist, but had become too flat, and needed replacing. I had been putting it off, because the new one’s I was eyeing off were around $100. I went into the store yesterday and didn’t actually like the $100 ones, so came away feeling quite smug because I’d found an $82 one which suited me just fine. The lady was very helpful and took it out of the packet, put a ‘bluey’ on it and then laid it onto the massage table so I could try it. I didn’t sleep too badly on it last night, but know it will take a few nights to become really comfortable. I know the last pillow took me nearly a week..........I don’t think this one will take as long.

Might head off and have a shower. Barbi is waiting for me, and is always anxious when the weather is crappy, because she knows I hate going out in the rain.

I wonder what we will have for tea. Not sure if I feel like Thai. I am trying to eat better.......at least all my baking is gone.

New Year's Resolution

I don’t make make resolutions generally at this time of the year, although I do think about things I’d like to concentrate on, which in some ways is the same thing I guess, but without the pressure from when things go awry.

I am going to be more organized. Now from a week to week I am very organized. My bestest friend, who is also the least organized domestic goddess I know, laughs at how organized I am. Normally at this stage I have all the kids’ school uniforms ironed - well before term starts, actually last year I had them all done before Christmas!! She laughs when I tell her that I have my meals worked out, working with my latest food magazine (A good Taste, or Good Food Ideas). I go to bed at night and get everything ready for the next day. Cereal bowls, spoons, cereal container out, lunch boxes out with biscuits and stuff already packed. The lunches are made up a week ahead and frozen and Billy-Joe gets them out in the morning. If I know I am working, I organize my lunch too, and get my plunger and travel mug ready, so I can drink decent coffee on the way to work. I try to do most of my housework during the week, so that I don’t have it all for the weekends. I try to do half of the ironing during the latter part of the week, so I don’t have to do it all on the weekend. I hate knowing I have to iron on a Sunday.

So, today, I bought a new ‘We are waiting for Santa’ sign, as our original one, rotted -and they were half price at the junk shop. I also got wrapping paper for next Christmas too. I also bought dh’s Valentine’s Day card already, as I try to make them but that doesn’t always happen, and then I end up picking one which is the best of a bad bunch. At least today I got a beautiful card with many many to choose from. I wanted to buy a new diary too. I got a lovely one for Christmas, but it’s not practical for me, as I like a week for view, and this is two days per view. (A page per day), and I need to be able to see the whole week. I wanted to have a look at the Women’s Weekly diary, but it was sold out before Christmas............who is that organized that they buy them before the year end??? I did see a couple that I liked, but I will wait. Thankfully they are not as dear as they once were either. I can remember paying around $30 for a diary in the early 90’s. The one’s I liked to day were around $7-$15 - pretty cheap.

The kidlets are at holiday care today, much against their chagrin. I disdecorated the Christmas tree this morning, so now my lounge is back to normal. Hopefully said kidlets won’t protest overly much. They weren’t putting the lights on anymore, and my cramped lounge was becoming annoyingly so, so I decided it was time to put it away.

I bought some chicken thigh fillets today, and have a Yellow Curry in the crock pot. It’s so cool here, (while my southern counterparts are stewing!!) so I have decided to cook a meal usually saved for a winter’s night. I have bought some pappadums too.

I have spent some time, working out how to get my delicious Prison Break DVDs onto my ipod. This whole mac thing changes everything, but that was something I’d never tried before, as I don’t own anything that I’d care to watch on my ipod. That is until now. I downloaded a program called ‘Handbrake’. Three hours later, and voila I had a version I could import into my itunes. After I deleted a few songs to make room for the DVD so it could fit lol....... I sat and watched a bit and was amazed at the clarity of video and sound - fantastic. I have already watched the first episode and its’ starting to fill in some gaps already.

As I am very sad that I don’t have access to Photoshop Elements on my new computer, I have decided to hunt around for something temporary. I downloaded Apple’s Aperture.........accckkkkkk, pity I didn’t check to see how much it would cost after the trial finished before I downloaded it and put strain on my already high usage for this month’s broadband!!! It looks like a program I could like to use, but at $450 it’s not that good. I will hang out for Elements. I did download a program called Acorn, which looks fantastic, so might help me out until I can get organized properly. I want to get started editing all my Christmas photos, otherwise they will pile up too quickly.

Happy New Year

We spent New Year’s Eve with just our family. I made a really yummy dinner. We had chicken schnitzel crumbed with a yummy seasoned crumb mix, I made a potato salad, a cucumber salad and we had tomato supreme as a sauce on the schnitzel. It was a very German meal, accompanied with a german (I think) champagne which is my absolute favourite.

We slept in this morning, gosh I love not having to be anywhere and just being able to clean, tidy, and then please myself. I am enjoying cooking for enjoyment and taste and not worrying about dieting, although I know that will have to change very soon.

I have just put on a pot of chilli, and I got Billy-Joe to help. I make the seasoning from scratch and he thought it was pretty cool seeing all the things that really went into making the delicious flavours. I will serve it with guacamole and corn chips - I don’t have any sour cream and don’t see my chances of getting any on New Year’s Day.

Bunny is outside painting under the verandah. The only place where the rain isn’t able to get to. It’s a pity we couldn’t have got the house finished, ah well there’s always another opportunity. Just I know my husband, and I have to strike while the iron’s hot so to speak. I have to get him while he is feeling motivated, so the rain isn’t a good thing at this stage. At least we have bought the paint, that’s a step in the right direction.

My .macexperiment, I am not sure how it’s travelling at this stage. So far it’s definitely easier, but I want to see blogs of others to see what else is possible. Mine is a very simple one thus far.

The people on my mac users group are a very friendly and helpful bunch, and so far all my queries have been assisted.

Will upload and publish and see what happens now.

Arrggghh, I can’t work out how to just put a photo in the midst of my text..........

A .macExperiment

I am trying out the new .mac facility. I want more flexibility with my blog and I want my photos and blog to be able to ‘speak’ to one another. So this is part of a test which I will run for about the next month to see whether or not I will switch my blogger blog over to this one.

I have much to learn though, as far as my mac goes and of course this new .mac stuff.

Yesterday afternoon I spent quite a bit of time playing around with photos, trying to create a collage so I can use it on my posts. I finally did it using a tool found on http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/

I am not sure of the colours on this blog as yet. I can’t even seem to find where to pick my font, and as you can see, it’s just changed from a serif to a sans serif font, and I haven’t even knowingly done anything. I love that about computers, never a dull moment lol......

Broken Link

Thanks Chris for letting me know that the link was broken to my other blog.

I will continue to 'play' over there, until I work out where I want to 'reside'. I can always copy and paste everything back here, if I decide to stay.

You can come and visit me over Here

An Apple Experiment

I just wanted to invite you to come over and have a look at my 'trial' blog. With the purchase of my new beautiful awesome imac, I got a trial for .mac which among many useless things, (to me) offers an easy blog and album publishing system.

I would like to invite you to come on over and have a look, leave a comment if you wish. At this stage I don't know if I will change over or not. I'm rather attached to this blog, but a change might be nice too.

Come on over and visit me here

I wish all my readers, commenters and lurkers alike, a very Happy New Year. I wish you a 2008 filled with love, joy and happiness.